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Hello, everyone - as the title states, my 16 yr old son may have fathered a child. The key word is "may" - and my wife and I are struggling with next steps. Here is the background info, and why am stating the word "may":

About 6 weeks ago, our son told us that he got a 15 yr old girl pregnant. My wife and I don't know her or her family - it was what you might call a "hook-up", and they apparently only got together once (both my son and the girl admit to this).

Since then, we have learned more about the girl's reputation from her own parents. Per her mom, she has been sexually active with two other guys prior to my son for at least a year (I don't know specific dates on this). Her mom also said her daughter is seeking attention - she wants to be popular. Her dad said basically the same thing about her, and that their own relationship is terrible. The girl's mom and dad are no longer together.

I should say that my son has lots of friends, is a decent student, and is a good athlete. Recently, the girl "announced" to her friends that our son is the father of her unborn child through text messages and at least one social media site. This is causing a huge gossip wave in our small community - and we are basically responding to the gossip that this is simply a rumor. We are responding this way mainly due to what her parents told us about her past sexual history.

In the meantime, more cracks are showing in the story. We know her due date per her mom. There are pregnancy due date AND date of conception calculators on the 'Net. When we plug in her due date to determine the potential date of conception, their hook-up date is nowhere near the date range (10 days later). If we plug in their hookup date to determine the due date, it calculated a date that is two weeks earlier than her actual due date. I am no doctor, but this just seems way out of sync to me.

I definitely don't want to sound like I am minimizing the girl's situation. My wife and I have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive to both her mom and her dad. We have said that we will be supportive in whatever decision they make. But, we don't know her or her family, and the reasons for our doubts continue to accumulate. We are both trusting people, but we can't just blindly agree to the girl's accusation that our son is the father of her child. Our son has owned up to his part, and I believe he has told us everything about their encounter. Because of this, we have asked her parents for a paternity test, and they both agreed to it once the baby is born. The girl, however, is telling her friends that a paternity test has already been done and that the test came back positive towards my son (which is a 100% lie). She's also saying that our communication with her parents is all the proof that is needed to show that our son is definitely the father. This is coming from gossip that my son is hearing at school, by the way - we are taking this with a grain of salt.

So, what do we do now? Do we need to get a lawyer involved to protect our son? It infuriates me that the girl is implicating our son when there is this much doubt. Thank you for any and all advice...
 

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I would get an attorney. And I would also serve a notice to the girl and her parents against rumor feeding and making false statements. Your son is a minor and has rights to his privacy, especially his sexual privacy. And the girl is a minor and because of this, her parents can be held accountable for her actions, separately and jointly. If it takes getting her mental health care to put a stop to her actions and words, then that can be ordered as well. Yes, you need an attorney. This is ridiculous and it is beyond what anyone is normally equipped to deal with. This is why we have lawyers, to enforce our rights. In other countries you would pay bribes or hush money or whatever to have your rights, in this country you pay an attorney. It's all the same. It may feel as though you are being financially penalized, but it feels like that when you have to pay money for dental cleanings or health care or taxes or car registration. We have a constitution, but the enforcement of laws comes through the practice of exercising the rights they are designed to protect.

And instead of saying it's a rumor, you can say what you know is true. That there is a 1/3 possibility that your son is the father, but these odds are mitigated further by the date of conception and the day that your son and the girl in question had sex. Simple as that. She can deal with the consequences of that statement. If she complains that you are interfering with her right to privacy, she's already basically told everyone she already had sex with your son. So big deal and good luck to her.

I'm sorry this happened to your son. I used to warn my son to always use his own birth control, because of people like this who will use pregnancy as entrapment to improve their situation in life or to attach to a boy (or girl) who they perceive as having a more stable and secure situation. Teens typically cannot rationalize the greater consequences of their actions. In many ways, their brains are incapable of grasping some realities. Although I don't condone the girl's behavior, she's only behaving as a 'normal' human being of her gender and age would behave under the exact circumstances she is living under. It is what it is, as I tell my son, even if you are in the right and don't go looking for trouble, there will still be times in your life when you will encounter it and suffer, and have to deal with it, and it's no use pretending it can't or won't happen.
 

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I would also recommend talking to a lawyer. The piece of mind would be worth it to me. The lawyer can explain your options and suggest a best approach.

C
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I third speaking with a lawyer. Although I don't agree with what the girl is doing, it is understandable as homemaker said given her age and maturity level.

Unwanted notoriety and rumors aside, if it is your grandchild, you need to find out what your son's rights are and how to protect them.
 

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I would try to talk to the family before lawyering up. If the child is your grandson you don't want to sour the relationship. Instead get a DNA test as soon as possible.

Another thing to look at so you don't get another surprise is that many insurances no longer cover dependent children's maternity care. So you guys may have to help foot the pregnancy care and delivery bill.

Good luck, it's a difficult situation.
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I would try to talk to the family before lawyering up. If the child is your grandson you don't want to sour the relationship. Instead get a DNA test as soon as possible.

Another thing to look at so you don't get another surprise is that many insurances no longer cover dependent children's maternity care. So you guys may have to help foot the pregnancy care and delivery bill.

Good luck, it's a difficult situation.
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While I understand not wanting to "lawyer up" as a first reaction, there's nothing wrong (IMHO) in getting an idea of your situation, legally speaking.

C
 

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While I understand not wanting to "lawyer up" as a first reaction, there's nothing wrong (IMHO) in getting an idea of your situation, legally speaking.

C
I won't disagree with you in looking for advice in regards to where they stand and how to handle the situation. But, I do see value in trying the peaceful route.
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I would try to talk to the family before lawyering up. If the child is your grandson you don't want to sour the relationship. Instead get a DNA test as soon as possible.

Another thing to look at so you don't get another surprise is that many insurances no longer cover dependent children's maternity care. So you guys may have to help foot the pregnancy care and delivery bill.

Good luck, it's a difficult situation.
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I think it's better to send a hand written note and follow up with a phone call to the girl's parents and the girl, that you are hiring an attorney who will know his or her way around the laws and the rights of all three (or more...can't assume is only one baby?) kids involved, and that it's for mediation and to have things legal so as to avoid complications from say, the state, CPS, etc. for everyone involved. This way, it's more of a gesture of picking up legal fees for the girl as well, if they agree to use your attorney for mediation.

Too many people see attorneys as lawyering up, and that's not really their best use, as you can't set things right after the fact. You just need to make it clear you are wanting to do things correctly from the start.

It's probably the girl is entitled to all kinds of aid as a single mother. A good attorney will know how to handle paperwork, helping her with living will, finding a good OB who will take on the case, etc.

Lawyers are for much more than simply settling disagreements, they are for preventing them and preserving harmony and letting people get on with their lives knowing everything has been done fairly.
 

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I use my attorney for a lot of stuff. My daughter's bike tire was slashed at school, the police and school were dragging their feet. There were surveillance tapes available but a week went by, nobody talked to my daughter at school nobody from the school called me, PD was telling me tapes not yet available and had not started any kind of investigation. So I asked my attorney to step in. Does not mean I'm suing anyone, just that I'm clueless as to what my rights are in asking that something actually be done. I was also concerned because we didn't get a copy of the police report and they took her slashed tire but gave us no receipt for it.
Still not suing. Just want to make sure everything is done fairly, that should be done.
 

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Wait till the baby is born. Your son does not acknowledge himself as father till he/you have your own paternity test done. Go from there.
 

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Wait till the baby is born. Your son does not acknowledge himself as father till he/you have your own paternity test done. Go from there.
That's not really good planning at all.
Bury head in sand...hope for best. Son escapes all responsibility after being stupid enough to not bring his own birth control to the table, or bed, or wherever...
Does not learn anything about his rights or responsibilities as a sexually active 'adult' or young adult...
Meanwhile, has people hounding him, calling him irresponsible, peers ostracizing him due to rumors left unaddressed...
No financial planning or contingency planning for various scenarios...
Next thing the girl will be saying he raped her.
A false report still has to be dealt with.
No being prepared is just going to bring more trouble.
Non response is very naive thinking when it comes to understanding the personality and mindset of people like the girl in question. You need to be firm, clear, and to set boundaries and parameters that cannot be violated. If you do nothing, they will continue doing what they are already doing, and more of it. You need to keep them engaged in handling the paperwork and other negotiations and legal demands your attorney will prepare. If they are that busy, they have no time to create more trouble, and if they do, they are being watched and monitored by an attorney, who will question their new statements and allegations and make them cow down.
 

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At this point he may or may not be the father, if he is, these people are going to be part if his life, assuming they keep the baby.

You can test the unborn child's DNA as early as the end of the first trimester, I strongly encourage you to do it then not after the kid is born.

Also, how sure are you that she is pregnant and that the timeline matches, are you going on her word or do you have a doctors confirmation?

ETA only 5% of women deliver on their due date, 2 weeks is nothing before or after, so at this point don't put too much weight on your calculations.

Also, please understand the girl must be terrified, and it seems everyone is also talking about her and how many partners shes had. This maybe why she's making up the stories. I hope as a gentleman you haven't passed this information on to anyone, even if her parents told you.

I know you say your kid is a good kid and I take your word for it, but please don't think for a second he was a helpless chump being lured.

Even good kids make mistakes.

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Paternity test. And let's be honest... there will probably be at least 3 or 4 (or more) of them in her immediate future.

Either way, this would seem to be a great time to educate your son w/ respect to just how wonderful condoms really are.
 

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Paternity test. And let's be honest... there will probably be at least 3 or 4 (or more) of them in her immediate future.

Either way, this would seem to be a great time to educate your son w/ respect to just how wonderful condoms really are.
We can't assume that they didn't use a condom.
It may be that the girl provided one, and/or poked a hole or harvested from the one he had. Of course, that's IF he ends up being the father, which doesn't sound too likely.
Having a condom alone and using it brings no guarantees if a girl is bent on becoming pregnant. There are so many ways to get around that. You have to also cover psychology of people, and ways that you can be deceived. Unfortunately not all kids are innocent and just up front want sex. Some want the perceived and often real benefits that come from sex...namely a meal ticket and not having to make their own way in the world.
 

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That's not really good planning at all.
Bury head in sand...hope for best. Son escapes all responsibility after being stupid enough to not bring his own birth control to the table, or bed, or wherever...

Does not learn anything about his rights or responsibilities as a sexually active 'adult' or young adult...
Meanwhile, has people hounding him, calling him irresponsible, peers ostracizing him due to rumors left unaddressed...
No financial planning or contingency planning for various scenarios...
Next thing the girl will be saying he raped her.
A false report still has to be dealt with.
No being prepared is just going to bring more trouble.
Non response is very naive thinking when it comes to understanding the personality and mindset of people like the girl in question. You need to be firm, clear, and to set boundaries and parameters that cannot be violated. If you do nothing, they will continue doing what they are already doing, and more of it. You need to keep them engaged in handling the paperwork and other negotiations and legal demands your attorney will prepare. If they are that busy, they have no time to create more trouble, and if they do, they are being watched and monitored by an attorney, who will question their new statements and allegations and make them cow down.

Frankly, there's not much to do now till fatherhood is proven.

Why is my advice considered "burying head in sand"? There's nothing in my advice that said to stop planning if he turns out to be the father.

You cant stop a 15 y.o. girl from saying what she wants to say. You cant stop rumor of high school kids. Seriously, how do you propose an attorney stop the rumor?

Attorney costs money. And could create irreparable damage if the boy turns out to be the father.
 

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I believe when you are pregnant, the calculations go back to your last period instead of the moment of conception, so in a way you are automatically 2 weeks pregnant or something like that when you conceive, per the calculations for a due date. Sounds like that is maybe what is happening here.
 
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