you're 32, while it's nice to have parental support you don't need it any more
do what you want in your life
do what you want in your life
my parents dont like my boyfrnd
hi everyone,
my name is emily and i am 32 yrs old. my problem is that i am in love with a guy who is 7 yrs younger than me. on top of that i come from a very wealthy family backround while he is a normal guy.
so other than the difficulties all couples have,
my parents dont like him even though they have never met him before and keep pressuring me to break up with him.
i am of course in love with him but i also love and respect my parents,and especially my dad the most in the world.
so this moment i am in a middle of a huge fight inside my head and outside about what should i do with my future....as i said i am 32 and of course not married or engaged....while he is still 24 and a kid.....
my parents dont like him cause of his backround and keep pressuring me to leave him and find someone my status and age and mary at some point.
so i need a 3rd person's opinion cause i really feel awefull
ty
my name is emily and i am 32 yrs old. my problem is that i am in love with a guy who is 7 yrs younger than me. on top of that i come from a very wealthy family backround while he is a normal guy.
so other than the difficulties all couples have,
my parents dont like him even though they have never met him before and keep pressuring me to break up with him.
i am of course in love with him but i also love and respect my parents,and especially my dad the most in the world.
so this moment i am in a middle of a huge fight inside my head and outside about what should i do with my future....as i said i am 32 and of course not married or engaged....while he is still 24 and a kid.....
my parents dont like him cause of his backround and keep pressuring me to leave him and find someone my status and age and mary at some point.
so i need a 3rd person's opinion cause i really feel awefull
ty
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Your parents probably know a thing or two about human nature and that's why they're trying to dissuade you from dating and/or marrying this guy. Women have an instinctual tendency to "marry up" to ensure sufficient resources and protection for themselves and their offspring. This typically manifests itself in women marrying older wealthier men and/or the "bad boy". It's called hypergamy (my spell checker doesn't even recognize this word).
So while you may be in love with this guy now, they're probably looking down the road and see that he's not going to be as to provide for you, and as a result you'll lose your attraction for him.
For your general knowledge:
"Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is the act or practice of seeking a spouse of higher looks, socioeconomic, caste or status than oneself."
"The term is often used more specifically in reference to a perceived tendency among human cultures for females to seek or be encouraged to pursue male suitors that are higher status than themselves, which often manifests itself as being attracted to men who are comparatively older, wealthier or otherwise more privileged than themselves.[2] According to evolutionary psychologists, females have evolved a preference for higher status males because they offer their prospective children both "better" genes and greater resources, e.g. food and security."
So while you may be in love with this guy now, they're probably looking down the road and see that he's not going to be as to provide for you, and as a result you'll lose your attraction for him.
For your general knowledge:
"Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is the act or practice of seeking a spouse of higher looks, socioeconomic, caste or status than oneself."
"The term is often used more specifically in reference to a perceived tendency among human cultures for females to seek or be encouraged to pursue male suitors that are higher status than themselves, which often manifests itself as being attracted to men who are comparatively older, wealthier or otherwise more privileged than themselves.[2] According to evolutionary psychologists, females have evolved a preference for higher status males because they offer their prospective children both "better" genes and greater resources, e.g. food and security."
My mom loved this beautiful girl my brother was marrying. Five years later, she wasn't so happy mediating post-divorce disputes.
You may not like the stuffy, country-club guy your parent picks.
I think you should stick with the guy you like. You can make sure you get along before you marry, but I would not break up with the guy you like to go with Country Club Whitley. Not to be gross, but you may be going to bed with someone 500-1,000 times in the next 10 to 20 years assuming you stay married, and spending literally thousands of hours otherwise. The most important thing is that you two are compatible and have a spark that makes you comfortable with being with the other person exclusively. All the money in the world can't create that.
You may not like the stuffy, country-club guy your parent picks.
I think you should stick with the guy you like. You can make sure you get along before you marry, but I would not break up with the guy you like to go with Country Club Whitley. Not to be gross, but you may be going to bed with someone 500-1,000 times in the next 10 to 20 years assuming you stay married, and spending literally thousands of hours otherwise. The most important thing is that you two are compatible and have a spark that makes you comfortable with being with the other person exclusively. All the money in the world can't create that.
Okay... so you take him to several family functions.
Do not accept their judgement before they have sat down and had conversations with the fella.
Then, after they've met him and socialized with him several times (4-5), then you can sit down & have a chat with parents. Ask what they don't like about him, and what they do like.
Then... Thank them for their opinions, but point out that you are 32 & on your own. You will chose who to date or not to date. You do value their opinions, but not before they had a chance to met the man and talk with him.
Then, have a conversation with your fella. Ask his opinion about your parents. (That might bring light upon your decision to keep dating him or not.)
Do not accept their judgement before they have sat down and had conversations with the fella.
Then, after they've met him and socialized with him several times (4-5), then you can sit down & have a chat with parents. Ask what they don't like about him, and what they do like.
Then... Thank them for their opinions, but point out that you are 32 & on your own. You will chose who to date or not to date. You do value their opinions, but not before they had a chance to met the man and talk with him.
Then, have a conversation with your fella. Ask his opinion about your parents. (That might bring light upon your decision to keep dating him or not.)
Completely agree with this.Okay... so you take him to several family functions.
Do not accept their judgement before they have sat down and had conversations with the fella.
Then, after they've met him and socialized with him several times (4-5), then you can sit down & have a chat with parents. Ask what they don't like about him, and what they do like.
Then... Thank them for their opinions, but point out that you are 32 & on your own. You will chose who to date or not to date. You do value their opinions, but not before they had a chance to met the man and talk with him.
Then, have a conversation with your fella. Ask his opinion about your parents. (That might bring light upon your decision to keep dating him or not.)
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Marital harmony is significantly improved with parental acceptance. Whilst I too agree that you are old enough to make the right choice, it would be prudent to have your boyfriend to gain your parents' trust. Whatever that may involve. Otherwise, you might find your relationship with your parents a little strained.
And this brings about a whole hell of alot more unhappiness. Then the woman is labeled as a gold digger, just cares about his money, is using him, has to sign a prenup, ect ect. There wouldnt be much trust in that relationship imo.Your parents probably know a thing or two about human nature and that's why they're trying to dissuade you from dating and/or marrying this guy. Women have an instinctual tendency to "marry up" to ensure sufficient resources and protection for themselves and their offspring. This typically manifests itself in women marrying older wealthier men and/or the "bad boy". It's called hypergamy (my spell checker doesn't even recognize this word).
So while you may be in love with this guy now, they're probably looking down the road and see that he's not going to be as to provide for you, and as a result you'll lose your attraction for him.
For your general knowledge:
"Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is the act or practice of seeking a spouse of higher looks, socioeconomic, caste or status than oneself."
"The term is often used more specifically in reference to a perceived tendency among human cultures for females to seek or be encouraged to pursue male suitors that are higher status than themselves, which often manifests itself as being attracted to men who are comparatively older, wealthier or otherwise more privileged than themselves.[2] According to evolutionary psychologists, females have evolved a preference for higher status males because they offer their prospective children both "better" genes and greater resources, e.g. food and security."
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I'll help you with this...
I think you're biting off more than you can chew. Work out those 3 items above first, figure out what's wrong with your perspective and then, once your eyes are opened up to the real world, you can go play with your boyfriend.
C'mon lady, seriously? You're 32 years old.
T
Let me help you out."On top of that i come from a very wealthy family backround while he is a normal guy."
"as i said i am 32 and of course not married or engaged....while he is still 24 and a kid....."
"and keep pressuring me to leave him and find someone my status"
- He's "normal"? Meaning what, you're abnormal?
- You're an adult? And he's a kid? Who's worried about daddy?
- You're status? You don't have status, you have a mommy and daddy.
I think you're biting off more than you can chew. Work out those 3 items above first, figure out what's wrong with your perspective and then, once your eyes are opened up to the real world, you can go play with your boyfriend.
C'mon lady, seriously? You're 32 years old.
T
How long have you been with him? I ask because if it is just a short relationship, you yourself may eventually realize he is not the one. If, however, you've been together a long time and have a tested relationship, it may be time to stand up and fight for him.
He's more like 8 years younger. Your family has money and I suppose it'll some day be your's. The thought has probably crossed their minds that this "normal" (relatively poor) young man may see you as a great financial catch. 24 year-old men don't typically gravitate toward 32 year old women, so it would give one pause. They don't dislike your boyfriend. Like you said, they've never met him. Maybe they don't trust your judgment. You're 32. They've seen you as an adult for 14 years. Have you given them reasons to think you might make less than ideal decisions? When it comes to guys, have you been a turd magnet? I've got a daughter close to your age. Love her to pieces but she's a turd magnet. In a room of ten thousand guys, if there is only one sorry piece of crap, that's the one she'll be attracted to. Naturally, when she calls and tells me about her new boyfriend, it's hard for me to get excited. I start wondering what his rap sheet looks like. I don't want to be that way but I know her.
Statistically, when a man marries before he's 30 the marriage ends in a divorce more often than not.
My understanding is that this guy is not established. What does he do for a living?
How long have you been with him?
Do you think that your parents love you and have your best interests in mind? Or do you think they are people who seek to control your life and hurt you?
My understanding is that this guy is not established. What does he do for a living?
How long have you been with him?
Do you think that your parents love you and have your best interests in mind? Or do you think they are people who seek to control your life and hurt you?
You are 32 years old, so you don't need mom and dad's permission to be with someone. BUT, you have to also make sure that this guy is good for you.hi everyone,
my name is emily and i am 32 yrs old. my problem is that i am in love with a guy who is 7 yrs younger than me. on top of that i come from a very wealthy family backround while he is a normal guy.
so other than the difficulties all couples have,
my parents dont like him even though they have never met him before and keep pressuring me to break up with him.
i am of course in love with him but i also love and respect my parents,and especially my dad the most in the world.
so this moment i am in a middle of a huge fight inside my head and outside about what should i do with my future....as i said i am 32 and of course not married or engaged....while he is still 24 and a kid.....
my parents dont like him cause of his backround and keep pressuring me to leave him and find someone my status and age and mary at some point.
so i need a 3rd person's opinion cause i really feel awefull
ty
Do you both have the same goals in life? Do you both want marriage? Do you both want to have kids? What is your ideal time table for all of that to happen? Are both of you on the same page?
If all of the above questions work out and things are going well, then stay with your boyfriend. If not, then I think you need to move on. While you do have some time to get married and have a family, you don't have a very long time. Fertility drops considerably after age 35 for women and the chance for birth defects and other complications increases. You can't wait around forever for a 24 year old guy to figure out what he wants.
Thank you for your answers everyone....
i think most pple stick to the fact i am 32.....i am not saying this fact cause i wanna show how my parents control over my life at this age....i am saying it cause i wanna show that in my mind...i am past that age where u can tell ur parents "oh leave me alone at last i wanna play my video game" umm what i mean is i have obligations,these actions now do have consequences to my life forever.....i dont think anyone wants to divorce after 3 yrs!!! my parents though,ok perhaps my mom is indeed controlling, have never been into my life in the degree this post might imply. this time though they feel they should...cause they believe he is wrong for me....me too i can see he is not "the perfect one" for me...when talking about other things like money,ya but we do have perfect chemistry in our relationship....
what i mean about money...i make a week what most people would make a month if not more and i do come from a well respected and very wealthy family....while he is not even working at this point,he just finished collegue actually. my parents are worried he cant offer the same lifestyle i am used to...which will only lead to problems for us....and that he is a young person...who wants to get married at his 20s?especially for a guy!!
i would also like to state that english is not my native language so refferences to normal vs abnormal....i think u got what i wanna say
and again i love my family very much...and only the thought of getting married and them not talking to him its just crazy!!!!this is not a movie when u know everything will be fine....this is everyday life and decisions you make can backfire at you!!!
as for him he is 24 just finished collegue and he is currently working a part time job we have been together for 3 yrs now and i have to say they have not changed their mind about him ever.....i dont even dare to bring him home!!!!!
i think most pple stick to the fact i am 32.....i am not saying this fact cause i wanna show how my parents control over my life at this age....i am saying it cause i wanna show that in my mind...i am past that age where u can tell ur parents "oh leave me alone at last i wanna play my video game" umm what i mean is i have obligations,these actions now do have consequences to my life forever.....i dont think anyone wants to divorce after 3 yrs!!! my parents though,ok perhaps my mom is indeed controlling, have never been into my life in the degree this post might imply. this time though they feel they should...cause they believe he is wrong for me....me too i can see he is not "the perfect one" for me...when talking about other things like money,ya but we do have perfect chemistry in our relationship....
what i mean about money...i make a week what most people would make a month if not more and i do come from a well respected and very wealthy family....while he is not even working at this point,he just finished collegue actually. my parents are worried he cant offer the same lifestyle i am used to...which will only lead to problems for us....and that he is a young person...who wants to get married at his 20s?especially for a guy!!
i would also like to state that english is not my native language so refferences to normal vs abnormal....i think u got what i wanna say
and again i love my family very much...and only the thought of getting married and them not talking to him its just crazy!!!!this is not a movie when u know everything will be fine....this is everyday life and decisions you make can backfire at you!!!
as for him he is 24 just finished collegue and he is currently working a part time job we have been together for 3 yrs now and i have to say they have not changed their mind about him ever.....i dont even dare to bring him home!!!!!
After 3 years you haven't introduced him to your parents. I don't think that's a good recipe for future marital success. You are going to have to assess the future of your relationship with deep and meaningful discussions with both parties, and then decide for yourself what's right for you.
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You earn in a week what most people earn in a month, and this guy doesn't even have a job? And has a kid?
This guy could ruin you financially in a heartbeat under current western divorce laws. "Equitable Distribution Laws" means that if he decided to leave you, you would have to give him half of everything you've ever earned. Look it up.
Do not even think about marrying this guy without a pre-nup.
This guy could ruin you financially in a heartbeat under current western divorce laws. "Equitable Distribution Laws" means that if he decided to leave you, you would have to give him half of everything you've ever earned. Look it up.
Do not even think about marrying this guy without a pre-nup.
1- you've dated him for 3 years... Since he was barely legal at 21? (IDK, you might be in different country)
2-You haven't introduced him to parents in past 3 years? Somehow I think you already know that you are not serious about the guy.
3-Now that I know more, I can also agree with the points that this guy seems like he might be "into you" for the money. If so, your parents would be wise to warn you to be careful of your feelings there.
So, I guess my conclusions of the situation, are more that... You already know that he is not marriage material for you.. and you don't want to be in a long term relationship with a man your parents do not respect, much less that they will not talk to. (The not talking to, I do think is a bit extreme or controlling).
Therefore- I conclude that YOU are not ready for marriage yet. You know in the back of your mind, this guy is just a plaything. Well, 3 years is long enough to string him along. If you are ready to start looking for a soulmate, then let this guy go, because you know it's not him. If you're not ready to find "the right one"... then I still say let the kid go. Time to find another playmate.
2-You haven't introduced him to parents in past 3 years? Somehow I think you already know that you are not serious about the guy.
3-Now that I know more, I can also agree with the points that this guy seems like he might be "into you" for the money. If so, your parents would be wise to warn you to be careful of your feelings there.
So, I guess my conclusions of the situation, are more that... You already know that he is not marriage material for you.. and you don't want to be in a long term relationship with a man your parents do not respect, much less that they will not talk to. (The not talking to, I do think is a bit extreme or controlling).
Therefore- I conclude that YOU are not ready for marriage yet. You know in the back of your mind, this guy is just a plaything. Well, 3 years is long enough to string him along. If you are ready to start looking for a soulmate, then let this guy go, because you know it's not him. If you're not ready to find "the right one"... then I still say let the kid go. Time to find another playmate.
The guy has no job? I wouldn't be thrilled with my daughter hooking up with an unemployed guy, either. I'd have no concept of his work-ethic or if he had the slightest clue of how to handle finances. If he can't take of himself, how would he be able to take care of my daughter? I realize you have a great job at this moment, but things change. If you were hit by a bus, how could this kid take care of business? Unless he's got a Masters, he should have had his degree around age 22. I went to college, too, but I've also consistently been employed since I was 14. Other than a degree, what's he got to prove he's been alive for 24 years? I'm not sure what you see when you look at the guy but I expect your parents imagine him as a potential father to their grandkids.
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