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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My mom and my sister keep fighting. When I call them on it, they get mad at me. My dad stays out of it or fights too. When ever I ask them to stop they say they're not fighting. As soon as they start I go to my room and put on headphones or turn up the radio. They yell at me for leaving and turning up the music. It goes from great to horrible in a second. There's no where I can go to escape it or they freak out at me. Does anyone have advice? I feel so alone on this.
 

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How old are you?

The best thing that you can do is to get away from them. Do not turn the radio up. Just use your headphones.

By leaving you are taking away their audience. that might be why they are upset if you leave the room. A tantrum needs an audience.
 

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What are the ages of everyone? What are they fighting about? Does it get physical or is it just yealling?

Do you feel that your parents behavior towards you is influenced by your sister's behavior?
 

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Not your beer. You are only in charge of your own behavior. When your name is on the mailbox, you can decide what proper communication in your home looks like. You can then choose to eject those who will not respect your rules in your place and you can choose to not invite them again. In someone else's home, you are either a guest or a dependent.
If you wish to modify the behavior of others, you might consider a career in law enforcement. You'll be properly trained and then you will be given the necessary authority to do so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks. My sister's 16 and my mom's in her 50s. Thanks for the advice about the head phones Elegirl. It never gets physical, but there's lots of yelling, door slamming and crying. It happens out of the blue. A lot of the time I feel like I need to be perfect so that my parents can focus on working things out with my sister. There's a lot of pressure.
Today they fought again because my mom wanted my sister to help garden. I left the house to get started and they flipped their wigs. If I leave they get mad at me and if I stay, It makes me want to scream at them. Afterwards my sister comes to me crying and begging for me to forgive her for making me leave. I always want to say "If you don't want me to leave, stop fighting."
 

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If you went to a therapist, the therapist would tell you 1) stay out of it, 2) set up healthy boundaries that protect YOU, and 3) USE the consequences that you've determined to enact when anyone steps over your boundaries.

The reason for this is YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE ELSE. You can't make them listen to you, you can't make them see your viewpoint, and you can't make them care. So all you can do is protect yourself and stay out of their way. Now, that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat (like your dad seems to have chosen). Even at your age, you can do things to protect yourself.

If someone disrespects you, calmly say "I need some time alone" and go for a walk or to a friend's house, etc. When you come back, if they yell at you again, leave again. Basically, you're teaching them to respect you. You're not telling them what to do, you are just reacting.
 
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