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Discussion Starter #41
Just the fact you take self-responsibility makes me think you will work it out. Wonderful to see so many women on here bucking up and looking themselves square in the face.

If I were a woman, I too would be insecure, about the 20yo thing. Just let it go. Maybe bring some humor into it. I think a lot of men buckle when a woman just sees all the BS in everything.
Thank you! i do trust my husband though and i know he would never cheat on me. Esp all i put him through and he still tells me he loves me everyday. If he wanted to leave and be with someone else i know he would have done it a while ago but he sticks by me and fights for our marriage.
 

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Thank you! i do trust my husband though and i know he would never cheat on me. Esp all i put him through and he still tells me he loves me everyday. If he wanted to leave and be with someone else i know he would have done it a while ago but he sticks by me and fights for our marriage.
OK, so listen. Do you have it in you to get help and stick with it? Because while it is great that you acknowledge this, it would mean a LOT more to him if you got help for it.

I was with a woman with mental health issue and it literally almost killed me. The stress of it caused a stroke, and after that I was just done.

Do let your life go that way...
 

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You can also tell him, What if the situation were reversed and I was friending a hot guy down the street? Make him see that this time it is a valid concern because the person is accessiable. You might even say, So then it's okay for me to do that; you don't mind if I start making friends with attractive men?
 

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Thank you! i do trust my husband though and i know he would never cheat on me. Esp all i put him through and he still tells me he loves me everyday. If he wanted to leave and be with someone else i know he would have done it a while ago but he sticks by me and fights for our marriage.
Funny that you say he fights for the marriage, and yet YOU keep saying your marriage is over. Breathe. Now Breathe again. TALK with him. Don't yell or get nuts. Just say "Honey, with my anxieties, I would really appreciate it if YOU keep boundaries with other women and NOT do things like friend request/accept until I get this worked on more. I AM working on it, I Do love and trust you, but this is MY internal thing that I need to work on. You doing stuff like this just makes it so much harder for me to work through because it triggers the overpowering emotions"

If he loves you as you say, he will work with you on this.
 

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I would argue that there is nothing nefarious going on with this 20-something. 20-somethings are all about social media and will friend-request even people they just met. I’m 46 and random people I’ve met once or twice send me friend requests. Younger people just don’t have the same social morays us older people do. Older people equate FB friends with real friends, younger people see it differently. This girl has a boyfriend, husband has no history of cheating, he deleted her, should be end of story.

What will happen is if the jealousy and outburst continue, he will seek a safe space AWAY from her jealousy and this is when he is primed for a EA. It is OPs mental illness that is creating the toxic environment but it will have to be a team effort to overcome it. I would advocate more vulnerability on OPs part and admit she needs his help too which would include being more involved in her treatment.


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My husband does love me and I don’t think he is doing it intentionally but he does gaslight me a little when I get upset about these things. He says I’m crazy and need to grow up. I wish I could paint a better picture of our marriage through words but we really do love each other. He has never cheated on anyone in his past and I’m actually friends with one of his ex’s and I know this. Plus all his friends say he is the most loyal guy and they aren’t as much so that is saying something. He did say this girl lived next to his work and she comes over with her boyfriend and asks questions and talks. It just felt weird to me. In my crazy head I’m like “is she outside all day and he sees her” then looked her up but he swears to me she added him so I guess I have to take his word for it. He did delete her. I just don’t want to be that controlling wife.
If i have someone send friend request that i dont know their name, i look them up to find a photo to see if i recognize them. However FB is not healthy for marriages. My wife and i have 1 acct. My first, her first and our last names. I do not add women unless they are mutual church family or personal family. She will not adf men unless the same. No past Ex's. Only classmates i add are male and only couple.
 
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