I guess that sums it all up. Seventeen years married, twenty years together. Half were lies. He failed the poly, still won't come completely clean. He moved out for a couple weeks, it didn't go well. I still saw him constantly because of the kids. Made me realize I'm stuck with him regardless if we divorce or not. And I'll never know the real story if we divorce or not. I feel like my life was wasted on trusting this cheater. Now I feel stuck and see no happiness ahead. I made so many mistakes, the biggest being a stay at home mom all these years and now have nothing to show for it. If I leave I'm financially screwed and I'll have to uproot my kids. I just wonder... If once you're cheated on like this... Do you ever really have happiness again? He keeps on and on... Quit focusing on the past, let's move forward together. Easy for him to say. Of course he doesn't want to focus on the past cause he doesn't want to own up to any of it. And at this point would I ever believe anything he tells me? Going to counselor, still don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel once you're betrayed like this it just changes you forever. And not in a good way. How could a person do this to another? And claim they love you? Sorry, I'm having one of those days. Really, it's all my days.