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It sounds like you have not been frank with him. The first "rebuff" was telling him in as nice a way as possible. The second was to make a joke about the equal opportunity sun.

To be fair, you have told the management company. Good. Yet, in any incident like this, if it gets really serious in terms of stalking, the cops are going to ask what you have told him directly. You have told us you feel like he is violating your rights and that he is creeping you out. That's what you need to tell him, and that he should not be writing you.

Since there is only a month left, and since you have not told him directly, I would not make a war out of it just yet in terms of reporting him on social media and the like. Once you have done that, there is no going back. We should not provoke potentially crazy or extremely vengeful people to wars.
 

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I have rented this house for almost a year when I separated from XH. The management company gave me a key to go look at it myself and when I got there, the owner was mowing the grass. He showed me the property and he told me to text him with any problems and we exchanged numbers. My mistake.

After moving in, he texted me asking if I would be interested in a 66 year old married man. Shoot, my life was in such turmoil at that point and then having to deal with this?? I told him no in as nice a way as possible and that worked for awhile.

Then he texted me and asked if the skylights were getting good light and if he could come over and tan. I told him no but that the sun was an equal opportunity sun.

Now that it is warmer (I am guessing) he has started showing up in the yard. Often. A chain saw in the morning when I'm not even up yet (I work 2nd and sometimes third shift) does not make me happy. Isn't it violating my rights as a tenant when I can't sleep because someone shows up with no notice?

After the chain saw incident, I was mad and talked to the property management company. He stopped texting me but he didn't stop showing up. I have to take the dog out and he stares at me. He looks angry. Wth, I'M ANGRY! I don't get any notice that he's coming to do something. That's not fair.

I am leaving in a month (buying a condo) but I would like opinions on what I could have or should have done about this situation.
See an attorney! And file a complaint with either the State or County Renters Asssociation and also with the Management Company!
 

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Your lease will or may have specifics about access to the property for maintenance. The entire property is yours under the lease, including the yard. The owner or any employee of the owner only has access under the terms of the lease.

If the lease says nothing, then your state law may provide limitations. It may say notice must be given except in cases of emergency. Or it may not say anything at all.

Those two sources are your legal rights as far as him coming onto the property.

There is a general right to quiet enjoyment of your home. We had an abusive landlord many years ago who thought of the house as his, and thought of it as a museum. One time he literally, no joke, stormed over and let out a flurry of 4 letter words at my daughters and a neighbor girl, all under 10 years old, who were doing cartwheels on the front lawn. He was upset they were damaging HIS grass. That caused me to hire an attorney to start the threatening letters to him to cease and desist.

Since this guy is continuing to harass you, I think you need to explore if there is such a right to quiet enjoyment in NC. It may be well worth 30 minutes at an attorney's office to get solid answers. A letter to the owner and to the management company may be enough to get the guy to leave you alone for the next month.

In terms of your personal safety, that is an additional layer which I think you should take very seriously. He is being stalkerish in addition to being annoying. I like the suggestions above to get some security cameras in place. Also talk to the police to at least get things on record. A restraining order may be needed, so it is important to have things documented with the police.

If he engages you directly, I think it is time for you to be rude and brief. Don't engage in conversation. Don't answer the door or phone. Don't reply to text messages. If anything is weird or wrong, get out immediately. If you think he's been in the house, call the police.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
It sounds like you have not been frank with him. The first "rebuff" was telling him in as nice a way as possible. The second was to make a joke about the equal opportunity sun.
I hear you. However, this is the problem with sexual abuse and someone who has power over another. Harvey Weinstein and actresses who don't want to ruin their careers, gymnastics doctor who abused girls...who held power over them regarding whether they could compete (though those are minors, not adults). I was trying not to piss him off yet turn him down. Maybe it WAS the wrong approach but I wasn't about to move again with my life in shambles at that time. Also, what you say kinda contradicts what you say below...he is obviously not a great guy if he wants to use his tiny position of power over a renter to cheat on his wife.


Since there is only a month left, and since you have not told him directly, I would not make a war out of it just yet in terms of reporting him on social media and the like. Once you have done that, there is no going back. We should not provoke potentially crazy or extremely vengeful people to wars.
Yeah, I'm leaving and he knows it. It may make him more crazy or he may be glad I haven't caused anymore trouble for him. It is a good sign that he hasn't been over in 3 days.
 

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Discussion Starter #26
We had an abusive landlord many years ago who thought of the house as his, and thought of it as a museum.
He definitely loves this house!



If he engages you directly, I think it is time for you to be rude and brief. Don't engage in conversation. Don't answer the door or phone. Don't reply to text messages. If anything is weird or wrong, get out immediately. If you think he's been in the house, call the police.
He hasn't texted since I told the property mgnt company so I think they set him straight on that. And, yes, definitely time too be frank if the need arises. I'm going to locate my lease and see what it says concerning this but I will be out in three weeks, regardless. Curious, did you stay in the house when the landlord was crazy? How did it go after you set him straight?
 

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Curious, did you stay in the house when the landlord was crazy? How did it go after you set him straight?
He hired a lawyer to respond to our lawyer's letter. I don't remember what his response was, but our lawyer sent a scathing reply. His lawyer fired him because he was so out of line. So he hired another lawyer who sent us a letter, to which our lawyer replied and then that lawyer fired him. This happened about 3 or 4 times!

Finally we demanded through our lawyer to have the lease broken without penalty so that we could move. He agreed and we promptly moved.
 

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you live in a one party state(fellow tar-heel here) . you can record him without him knowing.

i stand by my public shaming comment. when someone is not "technically" breaking the law and are being a creep, then sometimes all you are really left with is legal public shaming options.

might work if you can record him being a creep and then let him know you have recordings of him being a creep.
Recording actually worked for me once. The cashier at the supermarket had very a short conversation with me, which made the person behind me angry. The customer was already angry because I broke up my merchandise and paid for the two batches separately (budget envelopes.)

As I was loading my bags into the car, she (and the man who was with her) saw me, and began to yell at me...a real nutcase. I remained silent, and took out my phone and began recording her. I wasn't sure if she was going to approach me and begin a physical altercation!

After she realized I was recording her, she quickly got in her car and drove off. I made sure to zoom in on her licence plate. I wonder if she was already in trouble with the police to be so afraid of being recorded.

When I got home, I realized that in my nervousness I had failed to touch "record," LOL!

Yes, get your phone out and record him. While recording, tell him to leave you alone and that you are filming him because he keeps stalking you after you have already told him to leave you alone. Tell him that he is to call 24 hours ahead before he comes on the property to do any work. and that your filming him is so you will have evidence for the police that he is harassing you. Don't use the Facebook threat, that is tacky. Just let him know that you are gathering evidence in case he keeps stalking you or escalates.

Another story: years ago when we rented, a lawn worker used to look in the windows while he was working. It was really creepy. I complained to the property management (his BIL and co-owner of the property) and he stopped. We lived there for a couple more years with no more problems.
 

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Recording actually worked for me once. The cashier at the supermarket had very a short conversation with me, which made the person behind me angry. The customer was already angry because I broke up my merchandise and paid for the two batches separately (budget envelopes.)

As I was loading my bags into the car, she (and the man who was with her) saw me, and began to yell at me...a real nutcase. I remained silent, and took out my phone and began recording her. I wasn't sure if she was going to approach me and begin a physical altercation!

After she realized I was recording her, she quickly got in her car and drove off. I made sure to zoom in on her licence plate. I wonder if she was already in trouble with the police to be so afraid of being recorded.

When I got home, I realized that in my nervousness I had failed to touch "record," LOL!

Yes, get your phone out and record him. While recording, tell him to leave you alone and that you are filming him because he keeps stalking you after you have already told him to leave you alone. Tell him that he is to call 24 hours ahead before he comes on the property to do any work. and that your filming him is so you will have evidence for the police that he is harassing you. Don't use the Facebook threat, that is tacky. Just let him know that you are gathering evidence in case he keeps stalking you or escalates.

Another story: years ago when we rented, a lawn worker used to look in the windows while he was working. It was really creepy. I complained to the property management (his BIL and co-owner of the property) and he stopped. We lived there for a couple more years with no more problems.
eh, it may be tacky, but i have seen it work in situations where the law doesn't help. if a case can be made against someone for stalking, that would be the first go-to. being creepy in of itself often isn't a crime.

the number one place i have seen recordings help is with school bullies. a lot of times, there is NOTHING that a kid can do. nobody will help them, and the school wont intervene because the bully makes sure to keep it hidden and off school campus. public shaming usually scares the **** out of people like that.
 

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I hear you. However, this is the problem with sexual abuse and someone who has power over another. Harvey Weinstein and actresses who don't want to ruin their careers, gymnastics doctor who abused girls...who held power over them regarding whether they could compete (though those are minors, not adults). I was trying not to piss him off yet turn him down. Maybe it WAS the wrong approach but I wasn't about to move again with my life in shambles at that time.
Well you don't have this situation, now do you? You aren't vying for a mult-million dollar movie, and you aren't 12.

In frankness, you weren't thinking he would throw you out if you didn't have sex with him. Not even close. This is just very common with women - not saying what needs to be said at the earliest time and in the clearest way. I am not blaming you for his advances. Rather, this is something an awful lot of women need to learn how to do: cut it off at the ankles at the earliest possible time and in the clearest terms.

The way you run the risk of being thrown out is by letting it get out of hand instead of clipping it at the root straight away.

This is friendly but firm advice. Do not be convincing yourself to do the same thing next time, and don't paint yourself as a victim. That is how you become one, and the criminals call it the "victim stance". They specifically prey on people who put on that countenance.

Also, what you say kinda contradicts what you say below...he is obviously not a great guy if he wants to use his tiny position of power over a renter to cheat on his wife.
Honey, this is just more rationalization and victim-playing. You asked for advice. I am giving it. Quit harping on and overblowing the "power" meme, the fact is women renters get rent reductions because they have sexual market value, i.e. power. The landlords would be raping them if they were the ones with the power. Male renters don't have this power.

The reason he is angry is because instead of doing this directly, you went behind his back and made trouble for him with the management company. So let's not pretend you didn't want to make him angry. Because this tactic is guaranteed to piss him off far more than the direct shut-down. And if he is a crazy or vindictive person, going behind his back is going to bring about even greater underhanded reprisals.

That's why you do things directly and at the earliest possible point, hon. Take care.
 

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Discussion Starter #33
Well you don't have this situation, now do you? You aren't vying for a mult-million dollar movie, and you aren't 12.

In frankness, you weren't thinking he would throw you out if you didn't have sex with him. Not even close. This is just very common with women - not saying what needs to be said at the earliest time and in the clearest way. I am not blaming you for his advances. Rather, this is something an awful lot of women need to learn how to do: cut it off at the ankles at the earliest possible time and in the clearest terms.

The way you run the risk of being thrown out is by letting it get out of hand instead of clipping it at the root straight away.

This is friendly but firm advice. Do not be convincing yourself to do the same thing next time, and don't paint yourself as a victim. That is how you become one, and the criminals call it the "victim stance". They specifically prey on people who put on that countenance.



Honey, this is just more rationalization and victim-playing. You asked for advice. I am giving it. Quit harping on and overblowing the "power" meme, the fact is women renters get rent reductions because they have sexual market value, i.e. power. The landlords would be raping them if they were the ones with the power. Male renters don't have this power.

The reason he is angry is because instead of doing this directly, you went behind his back and made trouble for him with the management company. So let's not pretend you didn't want to make him angry. Because this tactic is guaranteed to piss him off far more than the direct shut-down. And if he is a crazy or vindictive person, going behind his back is going to bring about even greater underhanded reprisals.

That's why you do things directly and at the earliest possible point, hon. Take care.

Well don't get mad! I confronted you directly! lol

I am certainly considering what you said because, you are right, it didn't stop things. I think that I was more in an emotional state at that time and not able to think that through so clearly. Regardless of if I should have done something differently, he is a CREEP for doing what he did and is still doing. But you are right, I don't care how he runs his life, just stay out of mine.
 

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There is only one way to deal with bullies.

One way can take many forms but bullies are cowardly predators. If their target is capable of harming them in someway, they seek easier targets.

If you have it in you, hurt this predator somehow. I guarantee you aren't his first intended victim, I can almost positively say he has done far worse in the past and will continue as long as he is able to try to harm women.

Too bad no one has stopped him yet.

Cockroaches get arrogant if you don't crush them.
 

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Discussion Starter #36
If you have it in you, hurt this predator somehow. I guarantee you aren't his first intended victim, I can almost positively say he has done far worse in the past and will continue as long as he is able to try to harm women.

Too bad no one has stopped him yet.
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I think I DID hurt him by reporting him to the property mgnt company. Now he knows it could be much worse in terms of reporting. Part of the reason I reported him is so that property mgnt will be aware if it happens again (to someone else). But I don't think I stopped him. And I'm sure it wasn't the first time either.

The beginning of May is the end of my lease but I will be closing sooner than that. If he comes over again, I'm going to be mad. He knows he only has about a month and then he can do anything he wants in the yard or in the property.
 

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Well you don't have this situation, now do you? You aren't vying for a mult-million dollar movie, and you aren't 12.

In frankness, you weren't thinking he would throw you out if you didn't have sex with him. Not even close. This is just very common with women - not saying what needs to be said at the earliest time and in the clearest way. I am not blaming you for his advances. Rather, this is something an awful lot of women need to learn how to do: cut it off at the ankles at the earliest possible time and in the clearest terms.

The way you run the risk of being thrown out is by letting it get out of hand instead of clipping it at the root straight away.

This is friendly but firm advice. Do not be convincing yourself to do the same thing next time, and don't paint yourself as a victim. That is how you become one, and the criminals call it the "victim stance". They specifically prey on people who put on that countenance.



Honey, this is just more rationalization and victim-playing. You asked for advice. I am giving it. Quit harping on and overblowing the "power" meme, the fact is women renters get rent reductions because they have sexual market value, i.e. power. The landlords would be raping them if they were the ones with the power. Male renters don't have this power.

The reason he is angry is because instead of doing this directly, you went behind his back and made trouble for him with the management company.


That's why you do things directly and at the earliest possible point, hon. Take care.

Could you be ANY more misogynistic if you had 50 virgins fanning you and feeding you pad thai? Noodle by noodle whilst your wifey cheers you and your desperate and aging appendage on?


Hon.
 

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Discussion Starter #38
Could you be ANY more misogynistic if you had 50 virgins fanning you and feeding you pad thai? Noodle by noodle whilst your wifey cheers you and your desperate and aging appendage on?


Hon.
I was going under the assumption that she is a woman and lives in the south (the hon stuff).
 
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