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Eh, I don't know why your self esteem is so low you want to get back with someone that treated you like trash. Now she is contrite after she was tossed away like trash by her AP? Go figure, you are her security blanket... You can do better if you so choose.
Agree. I feel like this is just an all around BAD idea and my advice is to NOT do this.
 

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its this site giving me doubt and pushing me to be like this. Ill be honest if I set more rules in my previous relationships maybe I would not be in situation I'm in today
I think what a lot of people are saying is... Why go back there at all?

Why put yourself through any of this? Which is a good question...

I know that you have been taking your time with her. I get that you are trying to be careful.

Maybe it will all work out?

Now, like you say... If she has changed, If she is a different person, If she is someone that you could maybe trust with your heart a little... Well maybe it will be OK.

I would not invest much for a really long time, like YEARS and never marry her again, ever...
 

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its this site giving me doubt and pushing me to be like this. Ill be honest if I set more rules in my previous relationships maybe I would not be in situation I'm in today
No need to set rules at this point.
No need to point fingers at a forum, per se.
You are who you believe you are, and you are who she perceives you to be.
Be a better you, for you, and it will fall into place.
 

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note well taken. how does one get access to polygraph
Search Google for local polygraph experts.

I think that there are possibly unresolved issues between the two of you.

Therefore I would recommend counselling both as individuals and as a couple.
 

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Discussion Starter #45 (Edited)
Then why are you so Blue Pill?
once you go off the red pill path its no coming back, you are just imitating the red pill supplier after you have been cheated on. Once you have been cheated on or dumped by a person you are no longer red pill. i assume i could go from a 5 to a 2 and become the 2s red pill, but im still a blue pill because the 10 will not have me
 

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I say....You guys already have a working relationship of sorts. Why rock the boat. I think the millenial term is FWB.... I say, let it ride for awhile and after a period of months to a year, then you can re-evaluate if adding more *commitment is something you BOTH desire. I think you are old enough to see the forest from the trees.

In other words...."Bang away" and proceed with caution Will Robinson.
 

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Then why are you so Blue Pill?
once you go off the red pill path its no coming back, you are just imitating the red pill supplier after you have been cheated on. Once you have been cheated on or dumped by a person you are no longer red pill. i assume i could go from a 5 to a 2 and become the 2s red pill, but im still a blue pill because the 10 will not have me
That sounds very deep, but I have no clue what it means.
 

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tonight she has agreed I can look at her phone anytime I like and gave me passwords to all her accounts. she screen shot a note pad with all her user names and passwords. two things I got passwords for her home surveillance cameras and bank account on there I didn't ask for it, but could be useful in tracking her. I downloaded the surveillance app and can see every thing going on at her house. I can see all her entry doors and her driveway entry. (im going to watch my son on it)

I've read on here people put a gps tracking thing on cars but I think that's a little much for now but what you guys think. Ive told her I got a lot of trust to build. she has had no issues answering or giving me any info I want. we going to give this a chance. I know ive been warned. ill keep everyone posted.
Good luck to you! I'm hopeful and excited for you two.

You might also want to check out the book "Surviving an Affair" by Willard Harley because it has a check list of things to do and ways to handle a relationship where you have good boundaries that prevent the opportunity from arising in the first place, plus good habits (like spending a lot of time together) that help keep your connection to each other strong and satisfying.

Some of the things the book recommends -- like sharing passwords and being able to look at your spouses phone, email, etc. anytime seem over the top/invasive to many. But if neither of you has anything to hide, they can be reassuring. And it sounds like you're planning some of them anyhow.

Regarding GPS tracking, you don't have to put a device on her car. Just use the "find my phone" feature if you have iPhones, share your locations through contacts, or download a phone app that does this. You can look up where the other is at any time. Personally, I like the idea that my guy can find out where I am. What if I need help? I usually have no idea where I am, LOL. He'd be able to come save me based on my GPS location. It's also great if you have teenage kids for keeping track of each others whereabouts.
 

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Listen to yourself for just a moment...

You are already preparing to spy when she hasn't technically done anything to you...at least not in the last some-odd years.

Is this how you envision a life with her? Being her warden?

How utterly exhausting.
Um... it's not "SPYING" it's "AUTHORIZED SURVEILLANCE!" ;-)

Seriously though, I know a lot of people think you must be are horrified at the idea of reading a spouses emails or knowing their location at all times. But for a lot of others, it's just normal. I can't imagine having passwords my spouse doesn't know, or not wanting to share my location.

For some, it would be exhausting to think "I need to go check on her." but for others it can be comforting to know you can at any time, expecially if there was duplicity in the past. And it can be a helpful for proper handling of any interactions with members of the opposite sex if you know your spouse could be reading what you say.
 

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Hey there. From what you have posted it seems like you are in control of "this" relationship so far.

One thing I need to point out, which I'm sure you already know, is that many posters on here have their own stories which impact what they advise and such.

For me, I do feel that people can change if they really want to and if your ex-wife has gone through some hard times she may have indeed changed for the better.

It may be that your ex is looking at the past with "rose colored" glasses due to the fact that it may have been her first "serious" relationship and is fondly remembering your past together.

As you have mentioned, I see no large issues with the both of you keeping a "casual" type relationship as long it works for you.

Sounds like you know enough to protect yourself now so enjoy what you can and do what is best for you.

Good luck.
 

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Um... it's not "SPYING" it's "AUTHORIZED SURVEILLANCE!" ;-)

Seriously though, I know a lot of people think you must be are horrified at the idea of reading a spouses emails or knowing their location at all times. But for a lot of others, it's just normal. I can't imagine having passwords my spouse doesn't know, or not wanting to share my location.

For some, it would be exhausting to think "I need to go check on her." but for others it can be comforting to know you can at any time, expecially if there was duplicity in the past. And it can be a helpful for proper handling of any interactions with members of the opposite sex if you know your spouse could be reading what you say.
I actually agree with all of this. I am this way and expect any serious women that I am with to be the same.

I guess for this OP, I am just worried, but it really could work out, which would be cool.

For me, if we are together, then we are together. You should know where I am at and what time I am coming home if we are not together.

I want to know when to expect her so I wont worry, because (sorry) her driving scares the **** out of me.

I hope this works out...
 

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I want to know when to expect her so I wont worry, because (sorry) her driving scares the **** out of me.
LOL. I won't say women are bad drivers, but I will say I am the female driver that stereotype was based on. I know my driving scares the hell out of my BF. Apparently watching me back up is extremely troubling. hahaha. Sorry sister drivers. 0:)
 

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I want to know when to expect her so I wont worry, because (sorry) her driving scares the **** out of me.
LOL. I won't say women are bad drivers, but I will say I am the female driver that stereotype was based on. I know my driving scares the hell out of my BF. Apparently watching me back up is extremely troubling. hahaha. Sorry sister drivers. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_angel.png" border="0" alt="" title="Angel" >:)</a>
Takes courage to admit that, kudos, and as G.I. Joe says, “knowing is half the battle!”

Now, go get some driver’s Ed, soldier!
 

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Takes courage to admit that, kudos, and as G.I. Joe says, “knowing is half the battle!”

Now, go get some driver’s Ed, soldier!
Actually, my BF is a "professional driver" in that he races 3 wheelers. He's given me some tips that are helpful already, and I plan to see if he can help with certain skills -- like backing up, parking, pulling a trailer (if absolutely necessary), understanding where the parts of my car that I can't see due to my height are, etc. BUT - can he ever give me depth perception? Or a sense of direction? Will I ever stop being spacey? Mmmmm... you have to pick your battles.
 

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tonight she has agreed I can look at her phone anytime I like and gave me passwords to all her accounts. she screen shot a note pad with all her user names and passwords. two things I got passwords for her home surveillance cameras and bank account on there I didn't ask for it, but could be useful in tracking her. I downloaded the surveillance app and can see every thing going on at her house. I can see all her entry doors and her driveway entry. (im going to watch my son on it)
I'm just curious as to why ANYONE would want to resort to this ridiculous behavior of having to become the relationship police and having to monitor everything their UNTRUSTWORTHY 'partner' does because she's a known liar?

Is your lying, cheating ex the only woman in a 600 mile radius from you, OP? Is that why you're willing to settle for so precious little?

I don't get it.
 

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once you go off the red pill path its no coming back, you are just imitating the red pill supplier after you have been cheated on. Once you have been cheated on or dumped by a person you are no longer red pill. i assume i could go from a 5 to a 2 and become the 2s red pill, but im still a blue pill because the 10 will not have me
You can always go to reality. (Red Pill)
If your a 8 don't look for a 10.
There's no way you could keep her in your frame.
Look for a 7 and stay in your frame.
Improve yourself.
The red pill is not for her, it's for you.
Have a good idea of your SMV.
You sound like you have no clue.
Blue Pill will not help you find it.
 

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Then why are you so Blue Pill?
once you go off the red pill path its no coming back, you are just imitating the red pill supplier after you have been cheated on. Once you have been cheated on or dumped by a person you are no longer red pill. i assume i could go from a 5 to a 2 and become the 2s red pill, but im still a blue pill because the 10 will not have me
That sounds very deep, but I have no clue what it means.
Nothing having to do with the red pill has any depths. So no, it's not deep.
 
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