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I found this site through a google search looking for advice on my current relationship. Im a 40 year old man whos ex wife is wanting to get back together after she cheated on me 15 years ago and we divorced. im trying to discover whats going on with me and why I have relationship problems.
 

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I found this site through a google search looking for advice on my current relationship. Im a 40 year old man whos ex wife is wanting to get back together after she cheated on me 15 years ago and we divorced. im trying to discover whats going on with me and why I have relationship problems.
Perhaps a little more info would be helpful? If SHE cheated, she’s the one with the problem, not you. Has this happened in other relationships? Why do you think you have a problem? It might help if we knew more info.
 

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In the past 15 years, what have you done to work on yourself? Have you gone to counseling? Her cheating is HER fault, not yours, and you shouldn't take it on that it had anything to do with you. Even if you were a lousy husband, she should have divorced you before cheating.

I would be VERY hesitant to have your ex, after 15 YEARS, wanting to get back together -- seems a bit sketchy to me.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
In the past 15 years, what have you done to work on yourself? Have you gone to counseling? Her cheating is HER fault, not yours, and you shouldn't take it on that it had anything to do with you. Even if you were a lousy husband, she should have divorced you before cheating.

I would be VERY hesitant to have your ex, after 15 YEARS, wanting to get back together -- seems a bit sketchy to me.
I do need counseling, I seem to attracted to women who cheat. I would never cheat but seems all I ever date is people who cheat. my ex wife and I got married just after high school we where very young. she came home one day said it was over she had met a much older man at work and he was her soulmate. keep in mind we where 24 years old at this time with a 1 year old child. I was devastated and lost, but had the money to get a lawyer. I got custody of our son and she put up no fight for anything. We Co-parented very well together. our son is a senior in high school this year. Both our 2nd marriages failed. Again my wife cheated and marriage was sexless, I was relieved it was over. Her soulmate left her to go back with his wife years ago only a few months after we divorced. She met a man and married him then he cheated on her. she claims cheating on me was the biggest mistake ever. the other night she came over to give me money for our sons senior expenses and we had sex. it was very good sex better sex than we ever had when we where married. we are texting constantly and it feels good to talk to her. I had not had sex in a year and a half maybe ive been lonely and this feels good. I got a whirlwind of emotions at the moment
 

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Welcome to the TAM Family, @Post ~

What makes you think that a cheating ex doesn't know the drill well enough, if given the opportunity, to just do it all over again?

Unless she consented to serious psychological counseling, I just couldn't bring myself to ever recommending considering it!

Best of luck to you my friend!
 

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Whoa Kemosabi.

Just take it slow. Try doing paragraphs and thinking through your posts. Use punctuation. Here is an example:

I do need counseling, I seem to attracted to women who cheat. I would never cheat but seems all I ever date is people who cheat.

My ex wife and I got married just after high school (when) we were very young. She came home one day said it was over. She had met a much older man at work and he was her soulmate. Keep in mind we (were) 24 years old at this time with a 1 year old child.

I was devastated and lost, but had the money to get a lawyer. I got custody of our son and she put up no fight for anything.

We Co-parented very well together. Our son is a senior in high school this year.

Both our 2nd marriages failed. Again my (2nd) wife cheated and marriage was sexless. I was relieved it was over.

Her (my first wife) soulmate left her to go back with his wife years ago, only a few months after we divorced. She (then) met a man and married him, then he cheated on her.

She (now) claims cheating on me was the biggest mistake ever.

The other night, she came over to give me money for our son's senior expenses and we had sex. It was very good sex, better sex than we ever had when we (were) married.

We are texting constantly and it feels good to talk to her. I had not had sex in a year and a half. Maybe i've been lonely and this feels good. I've got a whirlwind of emotions at the moment.


Now then, MR. Post,

1. She has to prove why she wants this. People very rarely change, but she may be showing remorse. Watch her actions, not her words.

2. Be sure and get a prenuptial agreement if you ever do remarry. Infidelity should leave her with nothing.

3. Cheating is never a mistake, she knew what she was doing and chose to do it. She deserted her son for a POSOM (Piece Of **** Other Man). She is now 40 and getting desperate.

4. Have her take a polygraph and ask her yes or no questions about why she is doing this.

5. Both of you need to get into Individual Counseling (IC).

6. You need to change your picker.

8. You seem to have a poor self-image. Stop being so desperate with women. You are the prize, not them. Make them work for it. Play hard to get.

9. Women are attracted to Strength, Courage, & Decisive Action. She wants to come back? Make her work for it.

10. You probably did the pick-me dance the first time. Never do that. Makes you look weak and pathetic while the POSOM looks strong.

11. How are her finances? Is she looking for money? You have to really vet her this time.

12. How would your son feel about her re-entering his life?
 

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Whoa Kemosabi.

Just take it slow. Try doing paragraphs and thinking through your posts. Use punctuation. Here is an example:

I do need counseling, I seem to attracted to women who cheat. I would never cheat but seems all I ever date is people who cheat.

My ex wife and I got married just after high school (when) we were very young. She came home one day said it was over. She had met a much older man at work and he was her soulmate. Keep in mind we (were) 24 years old at this time with a 1 year old child.

I was devastated and lost, but had the money to get a lawyer. I got custody of our son and she put up no fight for anything.

We Co-parented very well together. Our son is a senior in high school this year.

Both our 2nd marriages failed. Again my (2nd) wife cheated and marriage was sexless. I was relieved it was over.

Her (my first wife) soulmate left her to go back with his wife years ago, only a few months after we divorced. She (then) met a man and married him, then he cheated on her.

She (now) claims cheating on me was the biggest mistake ever.

The other night, she came over to give me money for our son's senior expenses and we had sex. It was very good sex, better sex than we ever had when we (were) married.

We are texting constantly and it feels good to talk to her. I had not had sex in a year and a half. Maybe i've been lonely and this feels good. I've got a whirlwind of emotions at the moment.


Now then, MR. Post,

1. She has to prove why she wants this. People very rarely change, but she may be showing remorse. Watch her actions, not her words.

2. Be sure and get a prenuptial agreement if you do ever remarry. Infidelity should leave her with nothing.

3. Cheating is never a mistake, she knew what she was doing and chose to do it. She deserted her son for a POSOM (Piece Of **** Other Man). She is now 40 and getting desperate.

4. Have her take a polygraph and ask her yes or no questions about why she is doing this.

5. Both of you need to get into Individual Counseling (IC).

6. You need to change your picker.

8. You seem to have a poor self-image. Stop being so desperate with women. You are the prize, not them. Make them work for it. Play hard to get.

9. Women are attracted to Strength, Courage, & Decisive Action. She wants to come back? Make her work for it.

10. You probably did the pick-me dance the first time. Never do that. Makes you look weak and pathetic while the POSOM looks strong.

11. How are her finances? Is she looking for money? You have to really vet her this time.
note well taken. how does one get access to polygraph
 

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note well taken. how does one get access to polygraph
You could ask local police who they use. Government still uses them. The main thing is that you sometimes get parking-lot confessions from the cheater. They usually only use four or five questions. Ask your lawyer.
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
You could ask local police who they use. Government still uses them. The main thing is that you sometimes get parking-lot confessions from the cheater. They usually only use four or five questions. Ask your lawyer.
She has had counseling. not trying to defend her but my parents had money to get a PI and me a good lawyer, I don't think she deserted our son. she has stayed in his life and always put him 1st. I don't think she ever missed any event in his life.

also financially she is making it I don't think its the money
 

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the two of you are way beyond being young impulsive dummies. @ 40, you're getting into the un-crazy part of your lives.
you had a son together who is now out of high school.

you've both been down the road of life, a long ways. she was good to your son, or so you expressed. they must have a good relationship.

it really sounds like she's trying to add stability and meaning to her life. you do have to be cautious with her. just try to find out if she's gone from one paramour to another and you're just the next in line, for now. if she's not really promiscuous and is trying to ground herself, finally, into what can work for her, you might have a good relationship starting up again.

the common bond you have is your son. is she has been attentive to him and hasn't casually been around the block with many paramours, you might have a real future with her.

you're both past the crazy years. yes, she was just a dummy in your early years, but now sounds like she is trying to find something in a relationship that is in her comfort zone.
 

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I think you have a good relationship with her, you know her character better than anyone . And that’s why you’re contemplating getting back together with her because it feels right and it should. Have her sign a prenup and get back together with her with a prenup can only do so much damage I don’t think she will. She’s been around the block knows that it’s hard to find a good guy. It’s so f**ked up in the dating World. Honestly I think it’s a good idea. After everything you’ve been through you you will know if she even thinks about f**king around again.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I think you have a good relationship with her, you know her character better than anyone . And that’s why you’re contemplating getting back together with her because it feels right and it should. Have her sign a prenup and get back together with her with a prenup can only do so much damage I don’t think she will. She’s been around the block knows that it’s hard to find a good guy. It’s so f**ked up in the dating World. Honestly I think it’s a good idea. After everything you’ve been through you you will know if she even thinks about f**king around again.
I plan on dating for a long time. I still have trust issues that I would have with any woman. Then it’s my family also. We are a close family and they also felt betrayed by her if that makes since aka my mother, father and siblings. My family thought the world of her.

I don’t see any reason to marry her for a while. We have co-parented very well together and this year some people actually thought we were together as a couple anyway. I’ve felt the spark coming back for about 6 months now.

Friday night she wanted me to stay over it took everything in my power to tell her no. We are going out to eat this evening together.

What are some question you think I should bring up. I know before in our marriage she had communication when we talked about relationships issues. She would avoid them. I’ve had some emotions come back. I remember me saying it was like I need a voice recorder to remind her what she had said or done
 

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I plan on dating for a long time. I still have trust issues that I would have with any woman. Then it’s my family also. We are a close family and they also felt betrayed by her if that makes since aka my mother, father and siblings. My family thought the world of her.

I don’t see any reason to marry her for a while. We have co-parented very well together and this year some people actually thought we were together as a couple anyway. I’ve felt the spark coming back for about 6 months now.

Friday night she wanted me to stay over it took everything in my power to tell her no. We are going out to eat this evening together.

What are some question you think I should bring up. I know before in our marriage she had communication when we talked about relationships issues. She would avoid them. I’ve had some emotions come back. I remember me saying it was like I need a voice recorder to remind her what she had said or done
She needs to address those things she said and did at the time. She has to prove herself. She is the one who has to rebuild this.

Here are some ideas on questions:

1. How have your boundaries with men changed in the last 15 years?

2. Are you willing to date instead of marry until you prove you are a safe partner, no matter how long it will take?

3. If I agree to reconciliation, are you willing to have have free and open electronic communications that we both can see?

4. Understanding the pain I have gone through in the last 15 years, are you willing to take a polygraph exam about your feelings for me at the present time?

5. If we were ever to remarry, would you sign a prenuptial agreement?

6. What are the qualities you want in a man, and why do you now feel that I have those qualities when you didn't see them in me before?

7. What steps are you willing to take to make up with my family after the damage that was done to them before?

Post, you really need to make sure she is safe for you now. Even though you guys are 15 years older now, you are still in the prime of life, emotionally, and sexually. She has to still prove that she is in it for the long haul now. Make her court you, and make her understand she will have to prove herself. No easy short cuts.
 

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I plan on dating for a long time. I still have trust issues that I would have with any woman. Then it’s my family also. We are a close family and they also felt betrayed by her if that makes since aka my mother, father and siblings. My family thought the world of her.

I don’t see any reason to marry her for a while.
Or ever.

We have co-parented very well together and this year some people actually thought we were together as a couple anyway. I’ve felt the spark coming back for about 6 months now.

Friday night she wanted me to stay over it took everything in my power to tell her no. We are going out to eat this evening together.

What are some question you think I should bring up. I know before in our marriage she had communication when we talked about relationships issues. She would avoid them. I’ve had some emotions come back. I remember me saying it was like I need a voice recorder to remind her what she had said or done
Don't marry her again. Date her, FWB, cohabitate, what ever, but why is marriage even on the table?

I do need counseling, I seem to attracted to women who cheat. I would never cheat but seems all I ever date is people who cheat.
And you're here asking us if you should continue this. Get counseling before you take this any farther than casual sex with an ex.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
She needs to address those things she said and did at the time. She has to prove herself. She is the one who has to rebuild this.

Here are some ideas on questions:

1. How have your boundaries with men changed in the last 15 years?

2. Are you willing to date instead of marry until you prove you are a safe partner, no matter how long it will take?

3. If I agree to reconciliation, are you willing to have have free and open electronic communications that we both can see?

4. Understanding the pain I have gone through in the last 15 years, are you willing to take a polygraph exam about your feelings for me at the present time?

5. If we were ever to remarry, would you sign a prenuptial agreement?

6. What are the qualities you want in a man, and why do you now feel that I have those qualities when you didn't see them in me before?

7. What steps are you willing to take to make up with my family after the damage that was done to them before?

Post, you really need to make sure she is safe for you now. Even though you guys are 15 years older now, you are still in the prime of life, emotionally, and sexually. She has to still prove that she is in it for the long haul now. Make her court you, and make her understand she will have to prove herself. No easy short cuts.
I’ve ask her 1,2,3,6. I can’t wait to see her reaction on the polygraph test. I noticed something changed with her 6 months ago.

My son and I were arguing because he is driving and I limit his driving, he has a curfew. He wanted gas money to go somewhere and I would not give it to him. He called his mom hoping she would give it to him. She told him if I would not give him money he didn’t need it.

He made a comment that I try to control him and he knows why mom left. She wrote him a letter about how good of a father I have been to him. I remember reading the letter and thinking we’re has this woman been hiding at. The last 2 Father’s Day she has given him and I gift cards to go out and eat at his favorite restaurant. This Father’s Day I ask her to join us.

As I was typing this she sent me a text. It only says

thank you and I love you 😘

I have not responded back to it and if i do I will only say “your welcome we need to talk”.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Or ever.



Don't marry her again. Date her, FWB, cohabitate, what ever, but why is marriage even on the table?



And you're here asking us if you should continue this. Get counseling before you take this any farther than casual sex with an ex.
Marriage is not on the table for me. I’m making that clear to her tonight.
 

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Just take it slow, get to really know her again (15 years is a LONG time, even if you were co-parents -- do you know all of the relationships shes had and what happened with them?? etc.).
 
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