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My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together for 13. We have an amazing two year old daughter. He has always had a temper. Anger is an issue in his family and he grew up with it. He has made great strides in improving how he deals with situations. But, over the past two years things have gotten much worse. Our fights get intense quickly. And, some of this is my fault. We know how to push each other's buttons. But, his anger prevents him from seeing straight and it makes things very difficult. In the past, he has yelled and thrown things. This morning, to get me to pay attention to him, he grabbed my wrist. It did not really hurt, but it felt aggressive. I was scared so I took my daughter upstairs and we went into the bathroom. He followed us up and when I didn't let him in, he punched the door and made two holes in it. I am scared that this first instance of physical anger is marking a progression.
He has been in counseling for anger for about two months and he also talks a lot about feeling depressed. I worry that these things are all related and I'm not sure what to do.
 

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My thoughts... Get out, and if you feel like you should help him, do it with some space between the two of you. You need to protect your daughter and yourself first.

C
 

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He needs anger management counseling. There's an upward spiral of violence and it can go from bad to worse.

Until and unless he starts getting some help I suggest you do what you can to avoid triggering his anger. I'm not saying just roll over and do whatever he wants, but don't get drawn into fights with him and keep your responses calm and even tempered. It usually takes 2 to fight.

If nothing else, do it for your daughter. You're causing damage to her by having these types of arguments in her presence.
 

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This marriage may be over. At an absolute MINIMUM, you need to send a letter detailing these incidents of physical abuse, with multiple copies to people you know. You should take multiple photographs of the damaged door, other items that have been thrown, taking them into custody and safekeeping.

In your letter, you should note that you have directed a friend/ family member to call you and/or the police if you do not let them know at a certain time that everything is all right, after you have showed him the letter.

People can argue but if he is dangerous and cannot control himself you cannot keep a marriage in this day and age. if he can hold his temper, then you can discuss things. If he becomes angry about a letter or trip to a battered woman's shelter, then the marriage will have to be dissolved.
 
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