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What should I do?

  • find a way to distract yourself so you don't notice

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Discussion Starter #1
My Husband "grosses me out" when he eats. He eats really fast. He takes such big mouthfuls that he gags at times, makes crazy grunting noises, and chews with his mouth wide open. Sometimes I pushes his plate forward so he can lean his arm on the table and around his plate while he inhales his food. He literally leans over his plate and sometimes its like he is in no other world than devouring his food.

I am not the only one that notices. The kids make fun of it. (Our 4 kids are all teenagers.)

He is over 50 years old. I don't know if there is a way he can change, at this point. I hate to pick on every single thing that he does - I like to choose my battles - but this is really bothering me!

My husband is well educated (a medical doc) and he was raised in a nice house with four kids. His mother, father, brothers and sisters DO NOT have this issue.

I may be the one with the issue here, I am not sure. But I would love some feedback...
 

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Did he eat like this when you dated? Or is this something that developed over time?
 

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I'm not sure he really "gets it" the few times it's mentioned. But he is pretty sensitive to doing things that are wrong. I don't think anyone wants to hurt his feelings. The kids just put up with it. (btw 3 of 4 of the kids are pretty well behaved eaters!)
 

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I don't think I would have a second date with someone who eats like that, to be honest. But now that ship has sailed... I'd be tempted to set up a hidden camera and showing it to him in a kind, concerned manner (ie. not accusing or confrontational).

What happens when you eat out? I'd expect a doctor to have numerous social occasions.

C
 

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Oh my gosh! I have thought about a camera several times. Or setting my phone on the table and just recording it! I think it would be so humiliating for him to see it - it would be humiliating for me!! But sometimes I don't know what to do! I have also thought about eating that way and seeing if he stares at me and notices. EEEE gads.
 

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If this has "always" bothered you about him, even when you were dating, then WHY did you marry him?

Vega
 

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Oh my gosh! I have thought about a camera several times. Or setting my phone on the table and just recording it! I think it would be so humiliating for him to see it - it would be humiliating for me!! But sometimes I don't know what to do! I have also thought about eating that way and seeing if he stares at me and notices. EEEE gads.
One of the reasons why it would be so humiliating to raise it now is because you've let it go so long. Any sometimes, we have to talk about embarrassing or humiliating things with our life partners. If we love them, it's one of the things we need to do p, even though it's really uncomfortable. Like telling them they have bad breath and need to go to a dentist...

C
 

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One of the reasons why it would be so humiliating to raise it now is because you've let it go so long. Any sometimes, we have to talk about embarrassing or humiliating things with our life partners. If we love them, it's one of the things we need to do p, even though it's really uncomfortable. Like telling them they have bad breath and need to go to a dentist...

C
You definitely have a point, there. My bad that I haven't addressed it...
 

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Oh my gosh! I have thought about a camera several times. Or setting my phone on the table and just recording it! I think it would be so humiliating for him to see it - it would be humiliating for me!! But sometimes I don't know what to do! I have also thought about eating that way and seeing if he stares at me and notices. EEEE gads.
The camera is a good idea if you do it in a casual manner. Just set up a camera saying that you want to record your family having a good dinner time together.

Then just play it for all of you to relive. Let him l Jook at himself and see how he eats. Don't say a word to him about it using the video.

If you say something, just start with one behavior.. "Honey, please close your mouth when you eat." That's it.


Is he a good husband and father otherwise?
 

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Lol, my husband leans over his plate and slouches into it, lifting the fork only a few inches. Oddly enough, I never noticed it until we had been married for many years and my mother pointed it out. I pointed out to him that if he spilled food off his fork, he wouldn't be in trouble, then when he looked at me funny, I told him he slouched over his food. From then on I would run my finger down his back when he did it, just a gentle reminder. His mother made a huge fuss about messes, so the kids learned to eat without spilling anything! Makes sense when you think of it like that.

I rarely ever remind him anymore. All of a sudden his head pops up and he realizes he's practically licking his plate...kind of funny actually. He is the only sibling that eats like this too.
 

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I think by now it's kinda too late to say anything considering you've lived with it for years. I still voted "talk to him" however
 
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