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I need help please. My husband has been looking at porn now for 3 months that i kno of. I asked him about it a month ago. He agreed that he did not need it and will not look at it ever again. Now yesterday he went on youtube and looked at naked women, wwe diva wrestlers(naked), girls stripping. I dunno what else to do I can't take it. Doesn't he love me? It escalated today, I went to work five minutes after leaving I guess he went to myspace and looked for actual real women one of them lives in the same city as I am in. I just recently had a baby girl she's 3 months old. I've been suffering from post pardum depression but I'm thinking I don't have it I think it's him basically that's making me depressed. We havn't been intimate in over a week and not by my choice. I first discovered it I decided to help him out and dress up. I thought it worked but I guess it didn't. Over a week ago I dressed up and we were intimate a lot for 3 days then nothing. He works 40 hrs. a week third shift and I'm wondering if he's just tired or if he's cheating. I need help and someone to talk to I have nobody, I can't talk to my family they'll just say I told you so, they never liked him for some reason. I wonder if he's cheating. I don' really think so but sometimes he gets angry with me from just walking past him cuz im in front of the t.v. but I do have to clean up the house.
 

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First off, please don't hit the panic button. Stay calm.

Second, you are NORMAL, and your husband is NORMAL.

Again... relax, don't panic, and understand your situation with the new baby is normal and happens all over the world to couples with new babies, and understand the "porn situation" with your husband is normal, very common...men are "wired" for sex so much so that it's like food & water...

The appetite for sex increases dramatically about every 72 hours... (about 3 days after having sex, the appetite is very high again)... so every set of breasts and every temptation to "mouse click" a quick peek at sex is more of a temptation three days after having had sex. The DAY he has an orgasm, his appetite is gone... the next day it's not much of an issue... look at a short skirt maybe or maybe not worth a second glance, the THIRD day in a row with no orgasm, well, he's pretty hungry for sexual attention... and, again, like food and water... every offer of T&A is quite a temptation to at least look at.

However, actually having an affair, is much, much less likely. And much more complicatd, disease risk, "cheating" feeling, it's just not worth it, and too difficult, and much more serious. Relax for now.

It has NOTHING to do with you, or the other woman's short skirt, or the internet's "constant-and-very-easy-to-see-porn".

It's a physical, "hunger" as if he hasn't eaten food for 3 days. "Everybody's" apple pie is a temptation... However, right after a big meal, "Nobody's" apple pie interests him.

There is a book titled "Every Man's Battle" that talks about every man being constantly tempted by sex. Even bra & pantie advertisements... well, the men are tempted because it's been 72 hours plus, and men are wired to "see" and hunger sexual things...

When you are talking about a normal, healhy, man... it's only the "emptied out" man, or recently orgasmed man that does NOT notice the bra & panty ads... who does NOT feel a little tempted by the internet instant "click to porn"... who does NOT feel a little "tug" to pull into the strip bar. However, in 72 hours those things are "tempting" again, and will catch his eye.

There is a bell curve... so I feel like I'm talking about 60% of all men, but certainly not ALL men.
 

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TheOptimist is right on many levels. Men are wired different but it doesn't mean that they can't repress urges to veiw sex. However it is everywhere now a days but at least the hard core stuff can be filtered.

I would suggest that if you are feeling depressed and or are suffering from PPD then you talk to your doctor about it as soon as you can.

Further I would talk to your husband and really communicate to him how it makes you feel. Make sure to do it without distractions and that he listens to you.

People who work third shift often get less sleep and more often then not after a few years start to suffer from insomnia.

I wish you the best of luck and keep us informed.

draconis
 

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I agree with the others except for one thing.

He should RESPECT you when you say you are not ok with him looking at porn! To me that would be a deal breaker with me. I would try and spice things up, if he doesnt take a hint, then out I would be. My husband has no problem not looking at porn, I'm on the computer more than him and I don't have a nack for looking at that garbage. In my opinion, why does one need porn when you have the hot stuff living with you all the time? Getting bored with it is nothing to me, because then why get married?
 

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I think women get way to hung up over porn. If you really want to keep your husbands mind off the porn then make yourself available, work out, whatever it takes. Men look at porn because they are horny. Period.

Porn can help for some people who spend time apart.. so why not snap a few pics or bust out your webcam and surprise your man with a little homegrown?
 

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Sorry, I just can’t let this last post go by. Porn does hurt marriages and relationships. It ruins the young lives that are chewed up and spit out when they have outlived their usefulness in the business. It sets unobtainable standards for young minds trying to find out about sex. It cheapens the act like a side show at a road side carnival. That dirty little smut shop that used to be across the tracks is now virtually in every home in America. It has taken a beautiful gift of love and sharing that was given to us by our creator and turned it into a cheap thrill packaged and marketed for anyone with a credit card. Not only that but some of the stuff out there is just plain sick. Don’t tell me it is an innocent release because it is not. Imagine your wife’s feelings after she finds out you’ve been using it. How does she feel the next time you have sex with her? Don’t you think she might wonder if you’ve brought it to your own bed? Who or what act you might be thinking of? How does that affect her self esteem? Her sense of feeling loved while making love. Yes it is a temptation that most men need to deal with but that doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do. I’ve been there myself and am ashamed I ever did. The right things to do are usually the hard things. Temptation is here for a reason. Porn can destroy a marriage. Make partners feel unloved, unwanted and undesired. If men want to hide behind it because they aren’t “getting enough” then they need to grow up and look the problems of why their wives aren’t filling that need. Understand her, love her, complement her, show her you care, that you are there for her, that you respect her and most of all that you desire her. Do those things and sex will become more frequent and special at the same time. There, I’ve had my rant. I feel better.
 

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I think porn is stupid...sorry that's my honest opinion. However I also think that those who "star" in Porn have no self respect. Its sad that they make ALOT of money doing something so degrating to themselves. Talk about low self-esteem
 

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I think porn is stupid...sorry that's my honest opinion. However I also think that those who "star" in Porn have no self respect. Its sad that they make ALOT of money doing something so degrating to themselves. Talk about low self-esteem
'
Lucky we are to live in a free enough time when you can do or live as you want. Different people see porn in different ways. I think it is important for people to express to their partners their feelings before one or the other feels like something has been taken away, trust has been broken, or some ends up hurt.

It is irony that we are living in the age of porn. A few years (50) ago women had little say in a marriage. 100 years ago cheating was at a higher rate then today. 200 years ago many places had cat houses.

Now to me I have a simple rule of thumb if I can't willingly do something in front of my wife then it simply has to be wrong therefore I do not do it. But beyond that communication is the most important thing you can have in any relationship at any stage, and you can start building it at any time.

draconis
 

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Low Self Esteem lies within the person casting judgements on others.

Yes porn "can" be a marriage destroyer if there is an addcited spouse. BUT porn can also be a good thing between two open and honest people married.

I get so sick of hearing how bad porn is. If the porn is not "replacing" (addcition) your intimacy(sex life) then the only other problem is that the offended person has is, they themselves have their own issues..and to project those issue's on to your spouse becuase "prettier girls" scare you is wrong..

I hate porn, I think it is fake and badly filmed. But that is the only reason..I spend more time during a porno picking out who has real ones or fake ones etc etc. Hubby enjoys it..But it has never "replaced" our sex life..

I will repeat..I feel this way about porn when it is NOT replacing your intimacy with your spouse, if it is thats a whole nother ball game..
 

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I don't know, I agree with alot of stuff that was posted. Especially if it offends you then your husband should respect you and not do it.

Night shift has awful affects on your body, we are just not meant to be nocturnal. I am sure that doesn't help hormonal levels for him.

I like porn stories that I read, I never really get bothered by it. I understand what amp said, but I could of got mixed up in that seedy life too when I was young. I chose not to. I think it is all about being honest and respectful of each other. My hubby doesn't care if I look at porn or read it. I don't care if he looks at it either. He knows that it just makes me lust after him more and visa versa. I do have a problem with talking or IMing real people who are half naked on myspace that is crossing the line IMO because that could lead to trouble esp. in your own town. That is what worries me.

He also has his own issues just like you dealing with a new born in the home. Talk and communicate with each other, ask him why this is important to him now that the baby is born. Tell him why it affect you and probably increases your insecurities and depression. It's a start.

Oh yeah, and sometimes a guy may have difficulty being intimate with a new mom because he knows you just had a baby and where it came from. He could be a little scared of hurting you or of getting you pregnant again. Just and FYI

Best of Luck~
 

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Ok for the original poster, Luckily for you I can help you out, I have worked the "third Shift" for 5 years (currently on it again for 3 months, rotating)

The third Shift Really takes a Toll on your body physically and mentally, the posts are right above on that, I am Always tired, my diet is horrible, my stomach always hurts, my head is always foggy, and since I was ont he nights for 5 years, then went back to days, as Drac says, Insomnia is common, I wake up all the time 3 or 4 times a night, only time I sleep through the night is if I get trashed drinking and pass out, which frankly I can't do becuase I hate hang overs. :D

Now, I do look at porn and all that stuff, instead of my wife "rejecting it" she accepted it and even got me a subscription to playboy mag for christmas.

But as one poster said, I prefer my wife. Porn can be boring, it is all acting anyway, but it's good for masturbation, especially when your exhausted from the night shift.

But I can assure you your hubby prefers you. The night shift also affects your sexual behavior, I became more risky wanted different things, my wife rolled witht his.

We bought some outfits, "school girl" "french maid" "naughty Nurse" etc. And we took some digital photo's and some Home video's. I prefer looking at her pics and video's then the professionals.

Would you let your hubby do that? would you do some Role Playing with him?

Comming home from the night shift to find my wife in the kitchen in a French maid outfit.....COMPLETELY HOT!

I assure you your hubby loves you, he may distance himself because your in "mom mode"....sometimes he wants the naughty vixen.

There is a saying out there, "men want their women to be nice ladies outside of the house, but naughty women inside of the house"

you get the drift....Be sensual with him, be flirty, be naughty with him.

and if your worried aboutt eh whole baby weight thingy....don't we really don't care, he married YOU because he finds YOU sexy, and wants YOU to be the naughty girl in his life.......So be it, take control, live a wild fantasy.

A good website for sexy costumes is three wishes or Buy costumes, we get ours from three wishes.

Also for the "anti-porn" people.... look up asia carrea, she played Piano at Carnige Hall in NYC at the age of 15, then attending Rutgers Univrsity on a full scholarship (before graduating HS) majoring in Japanese and Business, a member of Mensa with a IQ of 155. After graduating she decided to become a Porn star because she enjoyed it....

If you don't like porn that is fine then don't like it, but don't tell other people they are sick or whatever because they do like it, it is a multi billion dollar industry for a reason, and more and more women like it.

I do watch is sometimes, but hardly an addict, I rather watch video's of my wife.
 

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Pornongraphy to me is not very healthy. It gives people the idea that sex is nothing. That if a couple is going to last, they need to constantly spice it up in the bedroom. That women should look a certain way, do certain things, scream certain ways. That a man's certain body part should be extra huge for a woman to have pleasure. What happens if a wife gets breast cancer and must have her breast removed? Or if a husband has an accident and he can't preform like he used to? Sex is sacred; it's not meant to be recorded and used for entertainment. Pornography is not okay. Many men want to say that it's okay, because men are just more horny. That is not a good excuse. We are human beings not animals with no self control. Babyhailee you have a right to be upset. Tell him what sex means to you and that you feel disrepected. Love is respect and if he really loves you he has to stop, but you have to understand that at this point he probably doesn't think that it's wrong. You have to get him to understand why it's wrong. Cuz if he doesn't see it wrong he'll continue to do it.
 

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Football, we are going to agree to disagree.

I was never a Huge Porn fan, it's ok, I mean, yea the guys are all huge, they "last forever" the women do every trick int he book no problem.....But that is what they are paid to do, and that is how the film is spliced......the problem lies when people think porn is like "real life" it's not, it's porn. Just like Star wars is star wars, it's a movie, not realistic.

I was just saying to my wife today, I said, it must be hard having a husband that after 18 years still desires your body and wants you all the time.....She is like yep it is...with a laugh.

I am a man I am a sexual creature by nature. My wife is not, but she understands that I am.

So if she is not in the mood to have sex with me and I am horny what should I do??? Say Oh well I love my wife and since she said no, I should just go to bed and go to sleep?? feeling the urge in me, that testorne (sp?) building. getting hornier by the second....but she says no?? This is where Porn comes in handy...a few minutes...the urge is no gone, I am relieved and my wife is happily a sleep....not being bothered.

She knows I want sex 3-4 times a day from her, but obviously she doesn't. she wants it 3-4 times a week...big difference.

So I see porn as a tool, so does my wife.....it's just a movie with naked people having sex. No different then a steamy R rated movie that hides it.


Plus no man wants to hear his wife say, "wow those guys are HUGE!" it really builds up our self confidence! ;) porn can be cruel as well to men. LOL

But I think baby has little to worry about, I am sure she rather her man be stroking to porn as oppossed to somewhere else....or should I say someone else.

There is worse things then porn out there.

and I been with my wife 18 years and never once "drifted" from her....She will take the porn watching over the alternative any day.

Plus the whole...Sex is love...yes that is true....but is also an urge and hormones can be cruel. When Love says, "no" what are we to do?
 

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Hi,

I would like to add that there is some very good porn and very bad. There are movies with real plots and done real tasteful. There are others where women are completely treated as objects, (I will not watch these) and others are just straight sex.

The same could be said with music and lyrics, there is some that is enriching (Dylan, Paul Simon for example) and some that is total pollution (Hard Rap and Death Metal)

Both can influence people in a positive or negative way.

E
 

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Pornography is sin!
The Bible is not vague on the issue of pornography. The Word of God clearly condemns ALL forms of adultery. Pornography (whether it be hard porn or soft porn) leads men into adultery.

There is no greater evil in America than that of pornography! Pornography is a road to hell.

Pornography turns people away from God and His Holy Word. Most people automatically associate the word "pornography" with total nudity; however, the evil influences of "soft porn" (partial nudity) are equally damaging. Whereas women are aroused by TOUCH, men are aroused by SIGHT. Of course, this is no secret. I won't spend a lot of time in this article trying to explain all the things wrong about pornography because it is self-evident.
 

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The Bible may not be vague, but the human interpretation of the Bible is diverse at best. I studied the Bible in Greek as a child (it's original language) and what I learned is that there are many passages that did not translate easily in English.

I think it is your own belief/interpretation that Pornography leads men into adultery. It might for some men lead them away from adultery if they satisfy their sexual urges this way rather than with another woman if they have these urges more frequently than their spouse.

What I have personal trouble with is that I would think that many of the people working in this industry are there because they needed to support themselves at a young age and were lured in out of desperation. I know there are some self-professed 'stars' that love their job but it's the others that I find disturbing. I think for many of them it leads to substance abuse/addiction just to get them through it. I'm sure those viewing it would like to think they are only watching the ones who want to be there, but I just can't believe that's the case for many.
 

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Motherof3inNC,

I completely disagree with your post. Swedish makes a far better argument and I can agree with her point and the self esteem of the young women.

But no one is going to hell.
 

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I feel for you and all that you are going through. Habitually viewing porn is only a symptom of a larger problem - sexual addiction. And with that comes lying, decieving, emotional and physical absence and continually flipping the blame onto the spouse. When I married my husband, there was something that I felt in the gut of my stomach that wasn't quite right. But at 19 years old, I was no seasoned veteran. I didn't know what it was until 22 years later. My husband was and still is non-present emotionally. His head is always on a swivel. I wish I had the guts to leave him.
If your husband won't go to couseling and admit that he has a problem, then you have some decisions to make, for it will not get any better.
Good luck.
 
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