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As I sit here and think about it I cannot remember a time when my husband wasn't making me feel insecure due to his behavior which is my fault for looking past his flaws and still marrying him. When we were dating he used to have a roaming eye but tmk he's never cheated which is usually his excuse when I bring up his porn addiction. I believe its made him very comfortable staring at other women and its extremely embarrassing and disrespectful. Its not a glance its a 5-10 second stare down even if the woman is with her s/o. He's had some trauma from his childhood so I've tried working through this with him while he was in counseling but I believe we're quickly approaching divorce. He doesn't respect my wishes, its affecting our sex life and he doesn't have boundaries. He'll do it with our kids in the next room. At this point I'm disgusted and don't know what else to do. I've supported him as much as possible but he has to want to do better. All I receive are excuses and no change which is manipulation. Please share any advice you may have.
 

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My advice is to leave him and find someone better -- he clearly doesn't care about you at all, and is unlikely to change. You are facing too many VERY difficult issues with him, and his childhood is NO excuse!!!

You will feel happier when you have moved on into a life without constant disrespect and uncaring from the person you are relying on to give you both!
 

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It is often difficult to realize your SO has normalized uncouth, rude, aberrant behavior. If he chooses such behavior--especially in this day of problems with sexual harassment--legal issues may ensue. No reason for you to be insecure--this is all about him. I'd likely be embarrassed for him and would have to decide whether to tolerate his proclivities. This is where you are now? I doubt that you expected him to nurture immature sexual activity for the rest of his married life.

He is setting a BAD example for your children. He does not want to change, does not want the professional help he needs (CSA?). You have decisions to make.
 

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As you said he has to want to do better. Also as you said you married a man knowing what he was like and sadly he is the same. I doubt he will change unless he is prepared to stop his behaviour. He may think he hasnt cheated but he is betraying you when he watches porn and openly stares at ther women in this way. I would refuse to go out with him if he carries on doing that, its completely disrespectful.
 

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Has your husband expressed any dissatisfaction with your current sexual relationship or is this one of those cases where he is happy to look at porn instead of being with you?

In my case my 180 was to stop looking at porn completely but also start looking at other women when I’m out with my wife instead of trying to deliberately avoid it as I have done my entire life up until a couple months ago.

Anyway if he’s using other stimulation to mask any issues with your sexual relationship from his perspective then you will likely need to address those to get him to stop. Since you’ve already talked with him about it and he hasn’t stopped it sounds like a tough position.
 

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He's had some trauma from his childhood so I've tried working through this with him
This has absolutely no relevance to his porn habit. He CHOOSES to use porn. It's just that simple.

he doesn't have boundaries. He'll do it with our kids in the next room.
Teaching your kids that his behavior is "normal"...... you cannot tolerate this.
 

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My husband is an alcoholic. I don't feel his feelings are genuine when he's drunk 24/7. So needless to say there really is no sex life. I don't want a sloppy drunk all over me. Now he's resorted to porn, what a role model he is. It's not my problem he can't do anything.
 

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I would be very concerned about your children's friends once they become teens and young adults. He will be creepy.
 

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My suggestion to the OP is that he may just revise what he thinks about masturbation. That's the point. I might have mentioned earlier that I found masturbation inhibited me around women, which was a genuine negative consequence that many have if this gets to be a major hobby.
 
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