my husband worries me

3862 Views 34 Replies 21 Participants Last post by Vanguard, Oct 31, 2012

confusionqueen

Discussion Starter · Oct 29, 2012

my husband made a comment about my daughters friend who will soon be 13 his exact words were " she knows she has a hot little body " how do i react to this, he has cheated in the past with serveral women and i was only 16 when we met he was 20 and we have been together since but lately he has been watching a lot of porn we usually have sex 2-3 times a day but after his sudden comment he has been angry with me and uninterested! advice please!

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Shamwow

· #2 · Oct 29, 2012

His comment was certainly inappropriate. How did the topic come up?

Since he made the comment he's been cold? Probably embarrassed...or scared?

2-3x a day? Congrats...and this is with him hitting the porn...is he open with the porn use? How old are you...guessing early thirties?
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Benevolence

· #3 · Oct 29, 2012

Maybe she was acting over confident, shaking her money maker.. he could have been referring to that, but yeah not something I would ever say to describe a 13 year old... gross.

Gabriel

· #4 · Oct 29, 2012

In isolation this wouldn't bother me. It could very well be him describing her as way too snotty and confident. But if in a pattern, yes, this would bother me.

If I were in your shoes and this was the only time this type of comment happened, I would probably let it go. But a second time and I would have a pretty serious conversation.

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margrace

· #5 · Oct 29, 2012

confusion, i don't know the particulars, so this is just my two cents:

i can't think of a situation that makes it okay for an adult man to comment like this about a 13-year-old girl.

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JCD

· #6 · Oct 29, 2012

So, my wife is next to me, and we are looking at our daughter. She is 10 years old. She also has a booty on her (Yes, I said it).

My wife says to me 'Gosh, it takes 2 minutes after she walks through the door for her butt to catch up."

Using this logic, I should be worried that my wife is a pedophile. What nonsense.

Women would like to pretend that a) men are blind, b) that men never look at anything that is one year younger then 18 (because...you know...we all have built in age detectors...oh, sorry, we DON'T have built in age detectors).

So yes ladies, we see little hot 13, 14, and 15 year olds. Generally, we don't say anything because women get bent out of shape if we give ANY woman of legal age the eye, much less jail bait. Because saying a girl is hot is the same as saying "I want to spend the next 20 years being Bubba's ***** because I lack ALL self control and morals."

Now, your husband MAY be worrying. Only you can tell. But it's also an act of trust to be able to RATIONALLY discuss that yes, this or that person is a firecracker and might be a problem down the road. Do you want your daughter to hang around a girl who is a new Teen Single Mom In Training?

Only you can judge exactly how creepy he is being...but girls...please stop assuming we are blind and stupid and that every single man in the universe is a pedophile just WAITING to happen.

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thatgirll007

· #7 · Oct 29, 2012

Confusion, your H's comment would worry me, too. It would also be a major turn-off. I don't know the first thing about how you would approach this topic with him, though.

I guess maybe wait to see when the opportunity arrives in the form of more inappropriate comments like this one and then express your concerns. But then where do you go from there?

In my eyes, it's one thing to see and acknowledge the burgeoning womanhood of a 13-year-old, to say, for example, "she's growing up well" or "she's going to have the boys lined up..." it's another to say, "she knows she's got a hot little body" to your W.

Just, no.

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JCD

· #8 · Oct 29, 2012

thatgirll007 said:
Confusion, your H's comment would worry me, too. It would also be a major turn-off. I don't know the first thing about how you would approach this topic with him, though.

I guess maybe wait to see when the opportunity arrives in the form of more inappropriate comments like this one and then express your concerns. But then where do you go from there?

In my eyes, it's one thing to see and acknowledge the burgeoning womanhood of a 13-year-old, to say, for example, "she's growing up well" or "she's going to have the boys lined up..." it's another to say, "she knows she's got a hot little body" to your W.

Just, no.

A lack of class is one thing. To tar someone with latent pedophilia is another.
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wiigirl

· #9 · Oct 29, 2012

Benevolence said:
Maybe she was acting over confident, shaking her money maker.. he could have been referring to that, but yeah not something I would ever say to describe a 13 year old... gross.

I agree....red flag imho.

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thatgirll007

· #10 · Oct 29, 2012

JCD said:
A lack of class is one thing. To tar someone with latent pedophilia is another.
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I don't think anyone on this thread has tarred him with latent pedophilia. I think we've all expressed the opinion that his words were icktastic.

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JCD

· #11 · Oct 30, 2012

thatgirll007 said:
I don't think anyone on this thread has tarred him with latent pedophilia. I think we've all expressed the opinion that his words were icktastic.

First, from his predilection of cheating and how young his wife was, yes, in THIS case it's worrying.

But that being said 'troubling' and 'worried' is a pretty strong implication. One isn't 'troubled' by a rude comment. Saying a man can't SAY something is pretty frigging arrogant. That you may or may not put him on your date list or not is another matter.

So I'm calling BS on this. A lot are implying he is one absent wife away from asking the 13 year old 'How are YOU dooiinnn...?"

thatgirll007

· #12 · Oct 30, 2012

JCD said:
First, from his predilection of cheating and how young his wife was, yes, in THIS case it's worrying.

But that being said 'troubling' and 'worried' is a pretty strong implication. One isn't 'troubled' by a rude comment. Saying a man can't SAY something is pretty frigging arrogant. That you may or may not put him on your date list or not is another matter.

So I'm calling BS on this. A lot are implying he is one absent wife away from asking the 13 year old 'How are YOU dooiinnn...?"

People can be "troubled" and "worried" by whatever they choose to be. A rude comment could trouble me, even if it doesn't trouble you. And nobody said what this man could or could not say. He can say anything he wants to.

I said what his words made me feel and think. And I get to think whatever I want to.

You're way too defensive here, by the way.

Rowan

· #13 · Oct 30, 2012

confusionqueen said:
my husband made a comment about my daughters friend who will soon be 13 his exact words were " she knows she has a hot little body " how do i react to this, he has cheated in the past with serveral women and i was only 16 when we met he was 20 and we have been together since but lately he has been watching a lot of porn we usually have sex 2-3 times a day but after his sudden comment he has been angry with me and uninterested! advice please!

She's 12, folks. Twelve.

Yeah, that's icky and creepy and skeevy. If the hubby is an icky, creepy, skeevy guy, then that's a huge red flag.

If hubby is just an average guy who sometimes speaks before thinking, then while it's still an icky, creepy, skeevy thing to say, it wouldn't strike me as anything to really worry about.

dinazcolada

· #14 · Oct 30, 2012

I'm so sorry he said something like this to you. I was in a situation similar to this with a now ex-boyfriend (but she was at least an adult), and it was not a fun place to be.

I think it's bizarre that he is mad at you for what he said. Please do not put the blame on yourself. What is said was totally inappropriate and I'm surprised that you are still interested in having sex. That's OK that you're not having sex 2-3 times a day.

You can say to him calmly that you felt very uncomfortable about what he said and you would appreciate it if he did not talk about women like this with you. You don't need to discuss it for 2 hours. Say it and then be quiet. Let it sink in, so he can think about what he said. And watch if he keeps his trap shut now.

costa200

· #15 · Oct 30, 2012

Real age is irrelevant to whether he has pedo tendencies or not. What did this teen look like. Was she a "could be older" teen or a "she must still be playing with dolls" childish looking teen? Does she have developed breasts, body curves? Or does she look like a little child?

His commentary was inappropriate but depending on how you answer the answer the questions above he can be an insensitive jerk or a real pedo.

The only reason women don't listen to this kind of stuff more often is that men don't say it near you. If you spend time with men being a man yourself you would hear this (and much worse) regularly.

CandieGirl

· #16 · Oct 30, 2012

I don't care how hot that little 13 year old body is...a grown man should have the sense and control to keep his fricken mouth shut in cases like that. No built in age detector is needed to know that it is indeed 'icktastic' to make over-sexualised comments about young girls as such.

My friend's husband says stuff like this about his daughter's friends. Is he a pedo? No, he's just a frigging vulgar PIG. And I waste no time in telling him so when I hear him talking like that. I also thank my lucky stars he isn't my problem.

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BjornFree

· #17 · Oct 30, 2012

CandieGirl said:
I don't care how hot that little 13 year old body is...a grown man should have the sense and control to keep his fricken mouth shut in cases like that. No built in age detector is needed to know that it is indeed 'icktastic' to make over-sexualised comments about young girls as such.

My friend's husband says stuff like this about his daughter's friends. Is he a pedo? No, he's just a frigging vulgar PIG. And I waste no time in telling him so when I hear him talking like that. I also thank my lucky stars he isn't my problem.

I get the dirty look and disgusting pig comment every time I eye a female below the age of 35.

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thatgirll007

· #18 · Oct 30, 2012

I was a 13 year old girl with an overdeveloped body and I heard all kinds of things from men who were far too old for me and, in my opinion, old enough to know better.

And I have to tell you...it's not good. It doesn't feel good in any way, shape or form. It doesn't make you feel pretty or attractive. It makes you feel like an alien in your own body because these divets and curves have formed and you're not able to blend in with all of the other girls anymore.

You get called into the principal's office and asked not to jump rope during recess anymore. You get measured and strapped into clothes that you didn't even know existed. And you get stares and looks and things said to you that you are not ready to hear.

Sometimes, you act out because of that, you might start to dress in skimpy clothes, show off the things that it seems everyone cares about the most - or you hide in bulky sweaters and baggy jeans.

For awhile, you don't feel like yourself anymore and you really don't know who or what to trust. Let's hope and pray you have a support system in place that can nurture you.

Everyone should know - little girls are not objects, no matter how they might look. They are little girls. Give them a chance to grow up and become who they are.

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Kasler

· #19 · Oct 30, 2012

^ What the hell are you going on about?

Thats completely besides the point here. =/

thatgirll007

· #20 · Oct 30, 2012

Kasler said:
^ What the hell are you going on about?

Thats completely besides the point here. =/

I just thought it was worth mentioning.

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