Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 78 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband recently confessed to me that he wants to have a male male Female threesome ( female being me)
I have always felt very secure in our relationship. I thought I had found someone who loved me so much, that he didn't want to share me ( every person I have ever been with has wanted to pass me around, usually that also meant, that they wanted to screw someone else!) I am doubting the foundation I thought our relationship was built on.

Here is the whole story. When he and I first got together, he was very possessive, something I have never experienced before. At first, I resented it, but then I learned it made me feel safe and loved. He was very jealous, if anyone even looked at me, he would be very upset. I realize this sounds abusive, but I assure you it was not to that extent, lol.

For the first time in my life, I trusted a man. I believed him when he said he did not want anyone but me. I gave my heart to him completely and would have done nearly anything for him. Then he told me he wanted to post sexy photo's to a website. I agreed. Next thing I know he wants me to have a mmf threesome. He said it just popped in his head. He never thought of it before.

Does this mean he doesn't love me as much as he used to? We have been together for 2 years. He says it means that he loves me more than he ever has.He says that it means he has more love and trust for me than he has had for anyone But this desire just popping up out of no where, makes me feel that he has lost interest. It makes me feel to be attracted to me, he has to think about someone else wanting me. It also makes me wonder if he wants to sleep with someone else. Like he is doing this to relieve some kind of guilt.

Everything, I have held so close, in this relationship, the foundation of trust and comfort is shattered. I have been ruthlessly harmed for personal gain before. I have had people try to make me into what they want gradually with small baby steps ( alot like the sexy photo's) I cannot wrap my brain around this. I want to believe that he is being truthful. I want to believe he has no desire to do a partner switch with someone. But this is just so unexpected!

I am so freaked out! I am a monogamous person, I don't want him sleeping with another woman!I just hope he is not trying to warm me up slowly to him sleeping with someone else, by wanting me to do it first. I would go insane with jealousy. He swears that this is about me. He only wants me , he loves me, (he doesn't even look at porn!) He says I am perfect, every morning he tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am, and that I am the love of his life. If I am such a Goddess, why would he want to share? If makes me doubt everything. I know I am repeating myself, but, I am traumatized. I have given him everything he has ever wanted in our sex life, but, I don't know if I can give him this, hell I don't even what this means! HELP!knhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/confused.gifow
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,310 Posts
Does he watch porn regularly by any chance?


I feel what he has done is reduce you to a thing, he has posted your pictures on the internet like you are a possession.

I personally do not feel that a man who loves and respects his wife would do such things. I don't feel a man who really loved you would be able to watch you with another man, put your relationship at risk, and put you both at risk of STI's, pregnancy by another person, not to mention the emotional toll it could take, of which you have no idea untill after the fact.

i think he is looking at you not as a whole person who loves very much but as a merely a sex object to satisfy his desires and he's totally disregaurding your complex and valid emotions.

I can totally understand needing to feel safe and loved and like your husband wouldn't want to share you with another. The idea that my future husband might think that he could share me is vile to me and would go against everything I believe is special and dear to our intimate relationship.

You should tell him how you feel, that you need to feel loved safe and valued.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
115 Posts
I do not get men who want their wives to be ****ed by another man!
I have done threesome before I met my wife. I picked 2 women from the bar (they were friends of each other), I hit on them at the same time and each wanted to go home with me and since they were in kinda competition to win me, I told them am gonna have them both but I did not want any relationship of any of them after. It was just for fun!

With my wife...I am like "Try to touch my wife and you will see what is gonna happen to you ponk! lol "
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,195 Posts
If this is something you do not want to do, then do NOT do this. It will cause more problems than anything, especially if one wants to do this, and one does not. For whatever reason he sees fit to want something different from someone else and wants you to go along with it to justify how he feels and what he wants. Thats wrong IMO.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,357 Posts
I've read of this problem several times on this forum. There is a recent post where a husband confessed to never loving his wife married her because she liked sex and wanted her to sleep with other men while he slept with other women.

Man watches porn and wants a live porn show from the closest set of holes he has on hand - his wife. Porn causes some men to objectify women they become object for his sexual gratification. According to what i understand about men and love, no man who loves a women wants to see her with another man, period. I have a feeling some men who watch porn get married planning on using the woman. He starts the process of groming once he has the women trapped with no job, children and no way out. The pic were the first clue to his intensions for using you. Men don't like to share what they value pic or anything else.

You husband sounds like he gromed you by making you feel secure and then sprung his plan on you. You are a means to an end. Sadly, i dont think he loves you, he has decieved you into a secure position. His first move was to see if he could talk you into pic then he figured he could talk you into his fantasies.

No male fantasy of a 3 some pops into the head, practically all men have them but do not want to act them out with a woman they love. So he is lying. Believe me, if he gets you to do this he has other plans for your use. If you stay with him expect to be used until you realize too late that he intended to degrade you. He will probably leave once he has had his fill and move on to the next victim.

Please don't stay with him. Let him know you know what he did and he will be paid back eventually for his deception. You married a disgusting predator, probably an increasing phenomia in this porn-riden society. This has happen more than once to you that's unusual. After you get rid of this creep, explore how you attract men and what you do sexually to give them the impression that they can manipulate you into these things.

Unfortunately, you can't be too sexually free with some men because they get caught up in fantasies and begin to want to do things. Better to be safe and not share fantasies or be too up for anything they come up with.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
If you are not comfortable with it then don't do it. As a man I can't quite understand why he would want to see you with another dude. Like others have said this topic has come up before but it's not my thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,523 Posts
Alot of times when one person wants to do this, it is about them wanting sex with a different person, and they want their spouse to go along with it, so they can feel better about wanting to do this, and not feel so guilty. To me, that is NOT a marriage. Sex should be about two people who love each other, not about inviting everyone else in the mix.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,695 Posts
I also don't understand this !


would not want to see my wife with another man.

NOW a WWM threesome I might try that once or twice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,052 Posts
He's using you to work out his latent homosexuality.
Posted via Mobile Device
That's probably more true than you or she thinks.

Or his bi-sexuality - doesn't have to be straight-out homosexuality.

He could be interested in swinging both ways.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,052 Posts
I wouldn't do anything you don't want to do - period.

Did you ask him why he wants this now?

Why not before?

Why MMF instead of FFM?

I personally have had no issues in the past with my husband having sex with other people while I was present. And, he had no issues with other people having sex with me.

No big deal in our house.

But - don't do anything that you don't want to do - don't let him pressure you into doing something that you will not be able to live with or deal with - period.

If it's a deal breaker for him, then you're better off without him - seriously.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,052 Posts
I just re-read your post - you are way to dependent on this man.

You let him put sexy photo's on a website simply because he asked?

You are letting him manipulate you - you already did so he thinks he can continue and get you to do other things.

Maybe this IS the real him and it's just now showing up.

Be careful, next thing you'll know you'll have some type of moniker like SoInLoveSqueek and be dancing onstage topless "because I love you and it's for you."

Sounds like a first-class manipulative scumbag to me, sorry.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,357 Posts
I also don't understand this !


would not want to see my wife with another man.

NOW a WWM threesome I might try that once or twice.
This may touch off a fire storm but I have to say it.

I am not accusing you because I think you are the average male influenced by our societal norms. From were I stand as a woman, the average is becoming scary and incomprehensible.

Men say that they attach emotions to having sex with a woman they love and need sex for the intimate connection. Since you would entertain bringing someone else into your bedroom do you need this so you can feel twice the amount of intimate loving emotional connection that you get from sex. Do you love your wife. What does love mean to you?

Do you have regular sex with your wife? Is it just getting off for you or do you feel any emotions of love and/or affection? Do you make sure that she get any pleasure out of having sex with you? Do you feel protective of her. Do you care to see her happy and secure want her to avoid pain?

I have seen this 3 some desire expressed so many times that it makes me sick to my stomach. I am trying to understand the mind set of men who want to pass a women around.

I'd appreciate an honest answer as to how you can hold this idea in your brain. I am assuming is the is the same repository of emotions of compassion and love. If you have kids, do you love them, feel protective of them. Do you kick your dog or are you affectionate and kind?

Are women in a certain zone in you brain that that you enter into when you get the idea of sex. What's in there?

Tell me what mental gymnastics takes place in your mind that you would use your wife as a object to be passed around for your pleasure?

Let me ask you to consider this - tell me honestly how would you feel if your wife said 'NOW a MMF threesome I might try that once or twice. I'd like to see you have sex with a man and and then I can have sex with him. How about it" How would you feel?

I am assuming since you would not want your wife to enjoy the pleasure of another man while you watch, you would have some emotions that are not plaesent watching her have plaesure, where do those emotions go when you contemplate taking ypur pleasure from f**king another women while she watches and watching her have homosexual contact with a woman?

Do you think she would feel the same way you would feel? Holding your feeling in mind, do you still feel you would get any pleasure out of this FFM thing? If so why and how.

I am certain that the woman who have been devastated by this request from so called men who love them, would like to know. I have tried to understand but I can not but maybe you can offer them solace.

Some men use the worn out "if you love me you would...." fill in the blank. Is that it? Do you think that a woman's love should be sacrificial but a man's should not? Would that be because men have "needs" and by nature must be satisfied?

Does the woman need to pay for the fidelity of the man since he is "wired for variety that the woman deprives him of. Is that it

If my husband even hinted at "NOW a WWM threesome I might try that once or twice." I would lose all respect for him as a man and a human being and be sickened by the very sight of him. I would be gone out of his life and would not want my kids to be in contact with a man so devoid of control over his sexual desires.

I ask because I was upset by two recent post from woman whose husbands want to pass them around. One husband admitted to not loving his wife. They were married for 7 yrs and had two children.

He was only interested in her because she was passionate. He wants a divorce. Would like you to read those posts and tel me what you think.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
No he does not watch porn at all. He says he doesn't need it. He says that I am the most beautiful woman inside and out that he has ever seen or been with and all he needs is me. I know he doesn't watch porn because, I am very nosey ( due to my past of people hurting me ) I know it is terrible, but, I have gone through his computer and checked his browsing history more than once. He only looks at photos that he and I have made together. He works from home and doesn't drive, because he has a really bad anxiety disorder. So I know he can't be looking at it some where besides home. As far as latent homosexuality goes, I don't think that is his deal. He doesn't want anything to do with even touching another man. He wants to watch.

The other night, I called him on this, I had tried explaining to him how it made me feel, and I started crying, he didn't seem to understand my logic, but he was sorry for hurting me. He again tried to reassure me that it wasn't that he didn't love me. He just thinks it would be hot to watch someone else, because he can't see me being pleasured while he is in the act of sex with me. It is like he wants a live porn I think.

As I was saying, I finally called him on B/s and said ok lets do it. Lets go look right now, and see if we can find someone. It was hard for me to believe my possesive, loving, adoring, husband, who watches me while I sleep and strokes my hair, loves my poetry, listening to me sing,play the piano,and is the first to hear any song I write, really? Does he really want this? So, he stopped and really thought about it for a second, and then got kind of panicky. He said, I am sorry I ever said that! It was a stupid stupid fantasy, I could never deal with actually going through with it. I just liked the thought of it. The thought of someone touching you in the flesh and in my head are completely different.

So, I still don't know what this is all about, and unless he is a fantastic, master manipulator, and is really 2 steps ahead of me at all times, I think it may be a terrible case of fantasy meets word vomit! I hope
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
572 Posts
He can't work outside of the home and doesn't drive due to a anxiety disorder, but has no problem with wanting to bring a third party into the bedroom! Wont ever understand some people's anxiety disorder logic! :rolleyes:

Anyway, whats pretty funny to me, is you called him on his bluff then his anxiety kicked in I suppose. Hopefully he wont come back on you and start accusing you of the one wanting to do this, or make you feel bad for trying to go along with what he had requested. Sounds like something a manipulator would do!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
59 Posts
Cath,

Woah! Some dude must have really hurt you in the past. It sounds like your husband should hide all of the knives in your house. Lol

But seriously I'm pretty confident in saying that probably 90% of men have had a threesome fantasy. And if your husband is in that 10% who hasn't, good for him.

But this isn't a "new" thing because of our sexually corrupt society. Ever heard of a harem? This idea has been around for thousands and thousands of years. I personally have had both mmf and ffm fantasies, but that's just it, they're fantasies. That's where they stop. And when I think about them, my wife (or any woman I know for that matter) is never even involved it's generally faceless bodies. My focus is on my actions and the other persons actions.

I'm willing to bet that is the same for most people. And I can't speak for the guy you reemed in your post but I'd say he fancies the idea of a threesome with two women. But could.never act on it.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,695 Posts
This may touch off a fire storm but I have to say it.

I am not accusing you because I think you are the average male influenced by our societal norms. From were I stand as a woman, the average is becoming scary and incomprehensible.

this statement could be said of women and there unrealistic views of romance.

Men say that they attach emotions to having sex with a woman they love and need sex for the intimate connection. Since you would entertain bringing someone else into your bedroom do you need this so you can feel twice the amount of intimate loving emotional connection that you get from sex. Do you love your wife. What does love mean to you?


lighten up francis.
my responce was sarcastic.

but to answer your question love ia a commitnent to meet your wife/husbands reasonable wants,needs,and desires

in a loving manner free of attitude and resentment.

Do you have regular sex with your wife? Is it just getting off for you or do you feel any emotions of love and/or affection? Do you make sure that she get any pleasure out of having sex with you? Do you feel protective of her. Do you care to see her happy and secure want her to avoid pain?

Yes and no
I would like to have more regular sex with my wife.

I try my best to give her ample foreplay and to inquire as to what she likes I even introduced toys awhile back.I have read up on womens pleasure and am able to play her pretty good by the responce i get.

as for advoiding pain sometimes pain is a good thing and can teach us alot about our selves.(emoitional)like the death of a pet its no fun but everybody has to be able to deal with some pain in there lives.



I have seen this 3 some desire expressed so many times that it makes me sick to my stomach. I am trying to understand the mind set of men who want to pass a women around.

I never mentioned passing my wife around.
again my responce was a toung and..........nevermind.




I'd appreciate an honest answer as to how you can hold this idea in your brain. I am assuming is the is the same repository of emotions of compassion and love. If you have kids, do you love them, feel protective of them. Do you kick your dog or are you affectionate and kind?


don't fall off your high horse.

excuse me while I kid my dog!


Are women in a certain zone in you brain that that you enter into when you get the idea of sex. What's in there?

?



Tell me what mental gymnastics takes place in your mind that you would use your wife as a object to be passed around for your pleasure?


again not my words.


Let me ask you to consider this - tell me honestly how would you feel if your wife said 'NOW a MMF threesome I might try that once or twice. I'd like to see you have sex with a man and and then I can have sex with him. How about it" How would you feel?

Not sure what your idea of a mff is but in my fantasy it would be both of them pleasing me not them pleasing eachother.



I am assuming since you would not want your wife to enjoy the pleasure of another man while you watch, you would have some emotions that are not plaesent watching her have plaesure, where do those emotions go when you contemplate taking ypur pleasure from f**king another women while she watches and watching her have homosexual contact with a woman?

again I was being sarcastic in my responce



Do you think she would feel the same way you would feel? Holding your feeling in mind, do you still feel you would get any pleasure out of this FFM thing? If so why and how.

only if she wanted to do it also.


I am certain that the woman who have been devastated by this request from so called men who love them, would like to know. I have tried to understand but I can not but maybe you can offer them solace.


they were married to losers. if their husbands asked for it and they agreed then shame on them for not being true to themselves.and if they didn't agree and the husband left then they were not the right husbands for them.



Some men use the worn out "if you love me you would...." fill in the blank. Is that it? Do you think that a woman's love should be sacrificial but a man's should not? Would that be because men have "needs" and by nature must be satisfied?


I don't know I have never used that line.


but thanks for letting me know I might use it tonight............honey if you really loved me you would go back to work like you and I agreed apone before you quit to take care of the kids.


Does the woman need to pay for the fidelity of the man since he is "wired for variety that the woman deprives him of. Is that it

for some I supose.

do men have to scrafice a healthy sex life because the wife has unrealistice expections of what married sex and romance should be.


If my husband even hinted at "NOW a WWM threesome I might try that once or twice." I would lose all respect for him as a man and a human being and be sickened by the very sight of him. I would be gone out of his life and would not want my kids to be in contact with a man so devoid of control over his sexual desires.


what ever works for you.

I think most men your husband included has taken care of business using the fantasy of two women at once.


I ask because I was upset by two recent post from woman whose husbands want to pass them around. One husband admitted to not loving his wife. They were married for 7 yrs and had two children.

He was only interested in her because she was passionate. He wants a divorce. Would like you to read those posts and tel me what you think.
sure.

I tried to answer you questios as best I could but would like to stress my post was sarcastic.

and if my wife had an attitude like your which you stated if my husband even sugested it I would leave him and advoid all contact with our children.
THEN I WOULD SHOW HER THE DOOR.
nothing wrong in asking you could always say NO

NO means NO

no big deal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,695 Posts
Cath,

Woah! Some dude must have really hurt you in the past. It sounds like your husband should hide all of the knives in your house. Lol

But seriously I'm pretty confident in saying that probably 90% of men have had a threesome fantasy. And if your husband is in that 10% who hasn't, good for him.

But this isn't a "new" thing because of our sexually corrupt society. Ever heard of a harem? This idea has been around for thousands and thousands of years. I personally have had both mmf and ffm fantasies, but that's just it, they're fantasies. That's where they stop. And when I think about them, my wife (or any woman I know for that matter) is never even involved it's generally faceless bodies. My focus is on my actions and the other persons actions.

I'm willing to bet that is the same for most people. And I can't speak for the guy you reemed in your post but I'd say he fancies the idea of a threesome with two women. But could.never act on it.
Posted via Mobile Device
I've acted on it in a prior relationship and to be truthfull it wasn't all its cracked up to be.

one of thoese thing better left a fantasy at least for me.

and by the way the ffm was by her request not mine.

again my responce was sarcasm in the orignal post.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,695 Posts
No he does not watch porn at all. He says he doesn't need it. He says that I am the most beautiful woman inside and out that he has ever seen or been with and all he needs is me. I know he doesn't watch porn because, I am very nosey ( due to my past of people hurting me ) I know it is terrible, but, I have gone through his computer and checked his browsing history more than once. He only looks at photos that he and I have made together. He works from home and doesn't drive, because he has a really bad anxiety disorder. So I know he can't be looking at it some where besides home. As far as latent homosexuality goes, I don't think that is his deal. He doesn't want anything to do with even touching another man. He wants to watch.

The other night, I called him on this, I had tried explaining to him how it made me feel, and I started crying, he didn't seem to understand my logic, but he was sorry for hurting me. He again tried to reassure me that it wasn't that he didn't love me. He just thinks it would be hot to watch someone else, because he can't see me being pleasured while he is in the act of sex with me. It is like he wants a live porn I think.

As I was saying, I finally called him on B/s and said ok lets do it. Lets go look right now, and see if we can find someone. It was hard for me to believe my possesive, loving, adoring, husband, who watches me while I sleep and strokes my hair, loves my poetry, listening to me sing,play the piano,and is the first to hear any song I write, really? Does he really want this? So, he stopped and really thought about it for a second, and then got kind of panicky. He said, I am sorry I ever said that! It was a stupid stupid fantasy, I could never deal with actually going through with it. I just liked the thought of it. The thought of someone touching you in the flesh and in my head are completely different.

So, I still don't know what this is all about, and unless he is a fantastic, master manipulator, and is really 2 steps ahead of me at all times, I think it may be a terrible case of fantasy meets word vomit! I hope
Well if he changes his mind give me a call as long as I don't have to listen to your poetry!!


JUST JOKING


sounds like he came to his senses when faced with the reality of it actually happening.

so all is good in marriage land again.
 
1 - 20 of 78 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top