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Ok, this is kind of long, but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years, 8 of those we've been married. We've had our share of ups and downs through the years, and he has been nothing but good to me throughout the duration of our relationship. I, on the other hand, have not been so good in return.....I have argued with him over every little thing, I've gotten angry for the stupidest of reasons, etc.....the list goes on and on. A few years back, I felt as though I was not receiving the level of attention that I should have been, and I decided to look elsewhere for that. I wound up having affairs with two of my ex-boyfriends (that didn't last long). I then lied about them up until a year ago when my husband found out. When I saw just how much it hurt him, it made me realize that I should not have done what I did and I vowed then and there to never hurt him again. We agreed to work through things. I started to see a counselor as well. He never went to counseling with me because he felt that he shouldn't have to go because all of the problems lied within me. He expected me to make the first step towards fixing our marriage, but I did not know what to do. Here we are, a year later, and now he is wanting a divorce. He says he does not love me and that our relationship was pretty much done a long time ago. We haven't even filed any paperwork yet and he is already seeing someone else, pretty much. I am completely distraught over this. I have acted so horribly and immaturely over the years and I never fully realized it until now. I know now what must be done to make things right again, but he will not even consider it. I love this man with all of my heart and I am kicking myself in the ass over everything I have done to him through time. I truly do want to make things right between us again, but I realize that I have to make things right with myself first. I am scared and confused.....I don't want to lose him. I love him so much, and I am a fool for the way I have been. I have agreed to start seeing a counselor again in hopes that it might help things. I've tried asking him if he would consider going with me, but he refuses. Is there any way that this marriage can be saved? What should I do?
 

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The fact that he's seeing someone else shows that he's moved on away from you and your marriage. Unless your husband wants to fix this marriage, there's really nothing you can do.
 

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It will be tough to get him back. You are probably better off letting him go, and if it was meant to be you can try to get him back once you are both independent of each other.

How do you know you really want your husband? is it just fear of being alone?
 

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What the others have said. As someone else who has cheated, all I can tell you is that decision to continue the marriage is in your spouse's hands now. Do what you can to understand what you did and why, so if nothing else you won't carry that baggage into your next relationship. But if he understands you're truly remorseful and trying to fix yourself, you might get a second chance.

The fact that he's seeing someone else likely means he's moved on, though. Your odds are not good.

C
 

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Marriages end for one simple reason: the emotional needs of each person is no longer being met. I'm sure you will agree that this is why you had your affairs and it is certainly why your husband wants to end things now.
If you want to save the marriage then yes it can be saved. You need to commit to discovering how you can make your husband feel loving towards you again. When you were in the good times, what were some of the things that happened that created a 'trigger' for his good feelings? They may have been things you said or the way you said them, the way you acted, aspects of your attitude, etc.
They are usually little things. People often make the mistake of thinking they have to go on an expensive holiday to try to patch things up but this isn't necessary. It's the feelings you are after.
If you can figure out how to get your husband to feel good about you again he will certainly be back.
All the best to you!
 

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Seems you are going to have to sleep in the bed you made.
 
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Some people can get past their spouse sleeping with other people...I couldn't and your husband clearly can't either

You can't make him do anything, you can't force him to forget what you've done. You didn't just do it once, you had two affairs (with ex boyfriends no less). How do you expect him to ever trust you again? You felt your needs weren't getting met and rather than address that with him you immediately looked elsewhere.

I'm sorry but there's nothing you can do at this point
 
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