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Discussion Starter #1
So I thought things were going good in my marriage. I found out the other night my husband may be cheating on me....which is another post I made on this forum. Anyways, I am keeping low until I find out for sure...because I guess I haven't confirmed it other then word of mouth from my husbands best friends girl friend. So tonight I talked to him to tell him he is "innocent until proven guilty." Since I confronted him about this he has sworn up and down he is 100% faithful. Anyways after I told him that I was sorry and I wouldn't accuse him any longer he told me the less I have sex with him the more of a chance he will go a stray and pretty much cheat on me. I can say we probably have sex atleast 2x/a week. We work completely different schedules so I try to make the time even when I don't feel like it. There has been times, where we didn't have sex period because I hurt my back for instance and it was 2 weeks maybe less of no sex. He wanted it during that time I was injured and I said we could but we would have to do it in a position that was confortable for me with my pain and he would be the one doing the work unlike where I usually am on top. He refused and said he didnt want to do the work. Anyways, I try to please him but it seems like he wants it ALL THE TIME. Sometimes we may do it a couple days and he will want it again and I will instead give him a BJ or something, or we can do it more than a few times a week on rare occassion and he will say that I still don't give it to him enough. Anyways, back to our convo. I asked if what he told me was a threat and he said I dunno maybe. I then asked what he thought was ideal as far as how many times per week. His answer was "we will see how it goes." And then proceeded to tell me this was a "for warning." The past few days, since this girl told me he has been cheating on me, I have not felt in the mood. Quite honestly if the stuff she was saying was true, it actually disgusts me thinking about making love to him if he has been having sex with this other girl. I want our marriage to work.....and I am extremely dedicated to it. Is there a way to get past the disgust of him having sex with me and possibly some other girl when all I have is what I was told to blame him on? And is 2x a week that bad? How do I get over this? He doesn't think it should affect anything. I almost feel in some ways because I am so insecure at the moment. This was in some ways admitting guilt. comments? Suggestions?
 

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I would suggest that you find out for sure whether or not he is cheating and, if he is, get yourself tested for STD's.

it's one thing to say "honey, I'd like to have sex more often" but a whole other thing to say "we better have sex more often or I'll get it elsewhere". I think you need to think long and hard whether that is the kind of relationship you want to be in.

As for 2x per week, that's good for me, but then again I'm 57.
 

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Even if he's not cheating, he IS an emotionally abusive *&%$!?!
He knows what you're scared of, and now he's using it to control you.
 

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Warning you that if you don't have more sex with him, he will cheat on you is just wrong. Especially when he's not giving you any reference to go by to know what is enough.

Honestly, I think I would take this as he is cheating or is going to cheat, and is laying the groundwork to try to blame you. By not telling you how much sex would be satisfactory, he's now set to be able to claim you didn't do enough no matter how much you do. It sets that thought in your mind that you will now end up wondering if you are at fault for his cheating, which is precisely what he wants.
 

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this might be old argue/make up habits it might be old resement form years ago my h and i still talk out old hurt feelings and mis understandings old resements and adress break up make up bad habits we carried over into the marriage sometimes its like in that movie the break up your person just wants you to want to want to doo the dishes and fake the funk while you bustin suds most people arent going to tell you their going to cheat but if you are holding on to old feelings and not talking about it he can feel unwanted of taken advantage of or maybe he told you what was wrong and you didnt really understand that it was inportant to him if he changed find out why if you changed tell me how it came to pass btw you have the right to be mad about anything and feel any way about an old hurt but talk it out or let pass hurts go
 

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I would tell him fine, don't let the door hit you on the way out. The fact that he responded to your back injury and pain the way he did speaks volumes about his character. It doesn't sound like he takes your feelings into consideration at all. It also sounds like he is already cheating and is laying the groundwork for when you catch him so he can say "well, I told you I needed more sex". Both actions are total dealbreakers to me. I agree with Chris Taylor and F-102. You need to think long and hard about if this is the kind of relationship you want to continue to be in.
 

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He sounds like a sex addict. He's trying to get a free pass to cheat without taking any of the blame. He can then say, " I told you, look what you made me do."
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks for the replies. It hurt my feelings completely and I told him that today....and he said well I'm just saying. I also texted him tonight while I was at work asking what he was doing. He replied "Got a lot on my mind." I asked what was on his mind and he said "personal stuff." WTH! He has never been this way. he has always been an ass at moments.....but its just different now, especially since this accusation has come to surface. I totally agree with this is his way to use the cheating against me. I don't have hard proof and I facebooked the girl that I know that he supposedly cheating on me with with no reply back. Some say if she wanted him that bad she would admit the truth.....but to me I think it could go either way and she can not reply or say she isnt in hopes to not lose him. By the way I am 31 and he is 28....my sister said maybe his sex drive is higher then mine because he is younger? I dunno, I could care less to really be intimate at this point becuase I am still unsure and want the proof so I can be done.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I plan on getting checked for STDs just in case. I dunno why I stay with him, I guess the whole marriage thing with 3 kids, and I do love him even with all the stupid crap he puts me through. Afraid he will lay the blame on our marriage failing on me to my babies if it does come to that point. I dont want to be feeling this way anymore. Just hope it comes to a head soon so I can move on with my life without this pain anymore.
 
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