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Hi, this is the first time I am ever writing on these blogs but I have been reading all your comments, and it seems like you can offer some comfort and support at this difficult time. I have been with my husband for 7 years but we have only been married for 8 months. About 4 months into the marriage he started acting distanced towards me and saying he has ruined my life because he didn't want to get married. I told him to get over it and grow up which he seemed to do when he suggested we try for a baby. We have been trying for the past 4 months but no pregnancy. 2 days ago on Christmas Day I get a text message from a girl saying that my husband has something to tell me and that she has given him until after Christmas to tell me or she will tell me everything. I quizzed him and he eventually told me she was pregnant. He has told me that he doesn't want to be with her and that he was just sleeping with her for something different. My husband works away from home so I only see him at weekends and sometimes every 2weeks. I also asked him if he has cheated with anyone else and he told me. 2 one night stands after he proposed to me and 2 girls in the last 4months. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. I cant tell my family and friends because I'm so ashamed. Our wedding was so big and over the top and everyone we love really invested a lot in our relationship. What do I do. The OW is keeping .the baby regardless but I don't want my husband to have anything to do with her but its not my decision. It's only been 2 days since I found out and I don't even know if he wants to stay with me. Is it bad that I want him to pick me and we make a go of our marriage, or will he use me as a doormat for the rest of our marriage? Help please I feel so alone :(
 

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It's not bad, but it sounds unrealistic.
There's no shame in telling everyone you made a mistake, and why.
You can probably get some kind of remuneration due to his infidelity which if there is a genetic test that passes for paternity, there is hard proof of infidelity. I would suppose a judge will look at the time frames and while needing to be impartial most humans would feel incensed and look unfavorably on his actions.
 

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Wow.

You are confused because you are feeling rejected by him. That's a normal reaction.

Now, stop the confusion. Time to be strong. Your husband has demonstrated by his actions that he does not want to be monogamous. He's made it crystal-clear. He is not the person you thought he was, nor the person you are wishing he was.

He has impregnated another woman!

He has put you at risk for STD's. Get tested!

Your course of action should be simple. Divorce or annulment. Get out. Forget about the $$ spent on the wedding. Your friends and family would not want you living with this POS one day longer. And expose him far and wide for the POS he is.

You deserve better. Maintain your self-respect and dignity, and tell him to go.

You bought a lemon. Sorry you are here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I hear everything that you are saying but is there no way he can change if I forgive him? I got tested a few months ago because he told me had a urine infection and I should go to the clinic. My doctor told me to test for everything which I did and thank god I was clean. I will get tested again though for peace of mind. As far as I know, he has been faithful for the first 5 years of our relationship. I have been faithful since the day I met him and could never consider a life without him until now. Has nobody ever recovered from a situation like this?
 

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I hear everything that you are saying but is there no way he can change if I forgive him? I got tested a few months ago because he told me had a urine infection and I should go to the clinic. My doctor told me to test for everything which I did and thank god I was clean. I will get tested again though for peace of mind. As far as I know, he has been faithful for the first 5 years of our relationship. I have been faithful since the day I met him and could never consider a life without him until now. Has nobody ever recovered from a situation like this?
That would depend on your definition of "recovery".

If "recovery" means that he now pretends to be monogamous, pays attention to you, rug sweeps the whole episode, you start your own family thinking that will help bond you, and in some future year he not only betrays you but leaves you with children to support, then no, there is no recovery. Your future together will be miserable.

If however "recovery" means that he is truly sorry and does everything in his power to remain faithful to you, loving to you and supporting to you, then maybe.

Problem is, unfortunately, there is another woman's child in the mix which he will be bonded to and be expected to support. The OW will ALWAYS be in the picture, even it's just the "baby mamma", she will need to remain in contact with your H in order to co-parent. Your future with your H doesn't look good with this added equation.

You have much working against the success of your marriage, and the burden falls on him. Saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough. Do you truly, in your heart of hearts, believe there is a possibility of "happily ever after", or do you simply fear starting over?
 

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I hear everything that you are saying but is there no way he can change if I forgive him? I got tested a few months ago because he told me had a urine infection and I should go to the clinic. My doctor told me to test for everything which I did and thank god I was clean. I will get tested again though for peace of mind. As far as I know, he has been faithful for the first 5 years of our relationship. I have been faithful since the day I met him and could never consider a life without him until now. Has nobody ever recovered from a situation like this?
NO. There is no recovering. Multiple times AND now a baby???

As someone trying to get through cheating...it doesn't work. Tell your husband to f"ck off and die. Staying will only bring you more misery. I can only speak from my experience and I have nothing uplifting to say :(
 

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Honestly hoping he's going change into the person he has portrayed he was is not going to happen. It's not easy at first but if you can learn to detach yourself from emotions and see him for who he really is your decision will become alot easier for you.
 

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and WHY have you not filed for D??????

You basically have a long distance mge.---your so called H, now has put you in the situation of having to pay child support for the next EIGHTEEN YEARS------and he cheats with everyone he can find---also if you think he didn't cheat on you while you were just dating------you need to get the blinders off----as I said above---why haven't you filed for D--------cept maybe due to him getting another woman preggers---maybe you can get your sham of a mge annulled

If you stay with this guy---you will spend the rest of your life in misery, especially the next 18 yrs as you support this child of his---so its on you------its your future---either continue on in misery---or get out, eventually fine someone else---and hopefully you will once again be able to enjoy life

By the way, you have ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED OF ANYTHING---except maybe for marrying a lowlife scum!!!!!!!
 

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The one thing I wouldnt be able to do is see a child that my husband made with another woman while he was with me. Its not the childs fault but it would be hard to be reminded of that every month when you paid child support or see the child (granted he's going to be a part of the childs life). I would run! Im sorry! :(
 

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NO. There is no recovering. Multiple times AND now a baby???

As someone trying to get through cheating...it doesn't work. Tell your husband to f"ck off and die. Staying will only bring you more misery. I can only speak from my experience and I have nothing uplifting to say :(


:iagree:

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You are young, no major financial entanglements. He is a serial cheater. He would not marry you until you forced the issue.

I am sorry to say he has been cheating on you for the whole seven years.

Divorce him.

Find a man that will treasure you.
 

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People have recovered from this, but it's that they've booted out the spouse that has been cheating for their entire relationship and now repeatedly in your new short marriage.

Do not be ashamed. You know what - if you give him the boot quickly now that you've found out - you will find those people who came to your wedding will be very supportive and proud of you for being swift and strong.

They won't judge you on how he's deceived you for so long. They will be judging him on his horrible actions. You husband is a long serial serial cheater, and if what he's been through including getting married and standing in front of all those people at the church didn't make any difference - you catching him won't either.

Hold you head high and dump his cheating butt. The cheating is bad enough, but now he's got a bastard kid coming too. You do not want to paying $$$ of your money out to raise his kid.

He'll have to be involved in his kid's life and that means seeing the OW.

Not only should you dump him, but I would write a letter to each wedding guest telling them why you've dumped him. That will kill the rumor mill off quickly, and you will find yourself with more support than you can imagine.
 

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I doubt that anyone who was supportive of you in this relationship would now want you to stay with this man.

You want him to not have anything to do with this other woman and his child? That's not going to happen. This woman has made it clear that she will not allow it to happen.

You will be supporting his child for the next 18 years and maybe through college. Are you willing to invest that much in his 'love' child?

How much is that going to dip into the support of your own child?

Please call or go see those who are close to you.. our mother, do you have a sister? close friend? Tell them what you have found out. Get their support in helping you break up with this guy. He's really bad news.
 

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Please leave him. He's worthless, and you deserve better. I vehemently oppose the self-esteem movement but I sincerely believe you need to have a better image of yourself.

Ask yourself why you feel the inclination to make it work. Is it because you truly love him, or feel that you just can't do better?
 

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Hi I am realy sorry for your situation...

First its not your fault and never will be...And to answer your question: NO you cant recover from this if you stay in this marriage because the OC will always be a trigger and in years to come you will probably end with some mental problems (PTSD,depression,...) and in the end it will end with divorce...

But more important is to ask yourself why would you even think about staying with him,why do you have such a low opinion of yourself that you as a young lady with so much potential for a better future with someone who would respect and love you like you deserve would even think about staying with such an disgusting person...???

You are young,you have no children with him (with no children in your situation you can consider yourself lucky) and you can start a new life and probably find happines with a man that will respect you like you deserve...But first you have to start to respect yourself by divorcing him and taking control of your life...

So you have two options:

1) Hurt now - you file for divorce now,start rebuilding your life...Dont get me wrong,you will probably be miserable or depresed for maybe a year ,like after every breakup but you will eventually get your life back,you will find a nice person and you will have a great new life and you will probably respect yourself more as a women for standing up for yourself...In the end you will find your happiness...

2.Hurt later: you stay in this marriage and try to recover something that will always be there,because no matter what your husband says now he will eventually bond with the child and it will always be a trigger for you...And because you decided to stay with him,he wont respect you and he will cheat again and again and you will suffer until you eventually decide to divorce his cheating a$$...The result of this second option is depresion,PTSD,resentment,wasted years for nothing...I think you get the picture...

So the choice is yours: divorce now and hurt now and have a happy life in about a year or two from now,or stay,suffer,be miserable,waste your years on a disgusting person and divorce later and hurt later...

Good Luck...
 
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