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In your opening post OP, you talk more than once about how much you did/do for your husband. He has also done a lot for you - he took on your not one, but TWO children! He gave up his dog for you. What more do you want from him?

Mastiffs are lovely dogs, but they do need owners who are committed to understanding their breed heritage and putting a LOT of time into training them. Those are the only circumstances under which anyone should have most breeds of dog, but especially large breeds who can do a lot of damage. For the dogs sake, I caution you against allowing another one in your home, as he's proven before that he isn't that owner.

ETA - I'm a second wife who also took on my husbands child, I came into the marriage with my dogs, which I understand is different to your situation. No way in hades would I give them up, not even for my stepchild (she loves them and would kill me if I did lol, but my point is that it would never happen, no matter what).
 

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I'm not a dog person, (have only owned two). and i would rather live with a mastiff than a chiuaua. I've never met a mastiff that I didn't get along with.
 

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Have you talked to your husband recently about this? Told him what you've told us here? You should. Now.

Here's the thing. As you can see, I love dogs, too. But I am not a parent. I will admit I get real angsty when I see photos of young children cozying up to dogs. Why? Because even if the dog is the most mild mannered, chill dog, it is an animal, after all. Young children don't understand their own body yet and may "pet" the dog in a way the dog may misinterpret and act like . . . A dog. I could give a myriad of examples.

I'm not saying that's what happened here. I'm speaking in general terms. I remember being very young and visiting some out of state relatives. I was running in their back yard with their St. Bernard. I cried because She bit me. But looking back, she really didn't. I was just scared of her big stature, I think, while we were playing.

All this to say, especially to children, perception is reality. I think you absolutely did the right thing in believing your son and I cringe just thinking of your husband getting another mastiff. The disrespect by saying he will get another one is so deplorable to me and boy howdy I would change my feelings about him. When he says those things, tell him! Why aren't you talking about this to him?

If he digs his heels in, he would have to train that dog with military precision and stay on top of the training. If not, the dog goes.

I'm a bit disgusted by your husband to be honest.
 

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Discussion Starter #44
In your opening post OP, you talk more than once about how much you did/do for your husband. He has also done a lot for you - he took on your not one, but TWO children! He gave up his dog for you. What more do you want from him?

Mastiffs are lovely dogs, but they do need owners who are committed to understanding their breed heritage and putting a LOT of time into training them. Those are the only circumstances under which anyone should have most breeds of dog, but especially large breeds who can do a lot of damage. For the dogs sake, I caution you against allowing another one in your home, as he's proven before that he isn't that owner.

ETA - I'm a second wife who also took on my husbands child, I came into the marriage with my dogs, which I understand is different to your situation. No way in hades would I give them up, not even for my stepchild (she loves them and would kill me if I did lol, but my point is that it would never happen, no matter what).
Let me give you some background about our relationship before you say I should have let him keep a dog that came into the picture well after my children and I established a family with him. It would’ve been different if this were a dog he had before us (such as in your scenario). My husband and I are in the same profession, but when we met I was 4 years into my career and he was still in school. Being that I did not have a great support system from my ex while I was in school, I went above and beyond for him because that’s the love I’d wanted. So I did all the cooking, all the cleaning, paid all the bills (he offered to chip in financially but I said no because I knew he was making much money at the time and again I was expressed a “love language” to him that i wish was expressed to me). All he had to do was go to work, school, and study. I did EVERYTHING else, including tending to my own children. But of course he was present in the home and has always been great to them. Putting the love of children on the same level as the love you show a pet is a trigger for me. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve owned smaller breed dogs pretty much my whole life and I have one now, but if it ever came down between my children and my dog, it’s never a question that my children and honestly any child that is in my sight for the moment or long term dominates over mine or any other dog (I say that because I once had a co worker whom told me a story about when she was in a situation and had to make a split decision to either save a child whom was a stranger to her, or he dog of 12 years and like a compassionate human she picked the child though it hurt her deeply that she lost her dog). So my point being, I took care of him until we were married, as a way of showing him how much I love him. So I don’t feel like him being there for my children whom aren’t biologically his went above and beyond what I did, and there for I should’ve just put up with the situation when no solutions were being made after I gave him 3 different chances to fix it. The dog putting fear in my young child, was the last straw. I’m a mother above anything else.
 

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Discussion Starter #45
I'm not a dog person, (have only owned two). and i would rather live with a mastiff than a chiuaua. I've never met a mastiff that I didn't get along with.
Maybe this mastiff was off... we did have her evaluated and the trainer said something was wrong and is why the mother bit her. After the biting she was taken away from the mother.
 

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Discussion Starter #46
Have you talked to your husband recently about this? Told him what you've told us here? You should. Now.

Here's the thing. As you can see, I love dogs, too. But I am not a parent. I will admit I get real angsty when I see photos of young children cozying up to dogs. Why? Because even if the dog is the most mild mannered, chill dog, it is an animal, after all. Young children don't understand their own body yet and may "pet" the dog in a way the dog may misinterpret and act like . . . A dog. I could give a myriad of examples.

I'm not saying that's what happened here. I'm speaking in general terms. I remember being very young and visiting some out of state relatives. I was running in their back yard with their St. Bernard. I cried because She bit me. But looking back, she really didn't. I was just scared of her big stature, I think, while we were playing.

All this to say, especially to children, perception is reality. I think you absolutely did the right thing in believing your son and I cringe just thinking of your husband getting another mastiff. The disrespect by saying he will get another one is so deplorable to me and boy howdy I would change my feelings about him. When he says those things, tell him! Why aren't you talking about this to him?

If he digs his heels in, he would have to train that dog with military precision and stay on top of the training. If not, the dog goes.

I'm a bit disgusted by your husband to be honest.
So we haven’t really “talk” about it in fact I try to avoid it because it just brings back all those feelings of being hurt and feeling worthless which then affects the way I treat him. A couple of days ago him and my oldest daughter were casually talking about dogs and he said “when your sister is about 8 years I’m going to get a mastiff.” It immediately upset me, and we kind of argued? I basically told him he wasn’t responsible enough to take care of that type of dog, I didn’t want the destruction to my home, and since we’re putting in an in ground pool we wouldn’t have the yard for it and I don’t want to pick up dog poop because I know he’s not going to do which would also piss me off and make me not want to own the dog. His defense was he wouldn’t be in school this time around, him and the children would take turns cleaning up after the dog, and the specific breed was “lazy” and low maintenance. I rolled my eyes and walked away from the conversation and we haven’t spoken about it since. He comments now that I don’t “love” dogs the way I use to (I wonder why, I went through an experience with a dog that almost cost me my marriage!) so why would he think it be a good idea bringing this type of dog back into the picture? The problem is, my husband loves the “idea” of having this dog but doesn’t want to put in the work it takes to care for it and gets mad when I call him out on that.
 

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Discussion Starter #47
In your opening post OP, you talk more than once about how much you did/do for your husband. He has also done a lot for you - he took on your not one, but TWO children! He gave up his dog for you. What more do you want from him?

Mastiffs are lovely dogs, but they do need owners who are committed to understanding their breed heritage and putting a LOT of time into training them. Those are the only circumstances under which anyone should have most breeds of dog, but especially large breeds who can do a lot of damage. For the dogs sake, I caution you against allowing another one in your home, as he's proven before that he isn't that owner.

ETA - I'm a second wife who also took on my husbands child, I came into the marriage with my dogs, which I understand is different to your situation. No way in hades would I give them up, not even for my stepchild (she loves them and would kill me if I did lol, but my point is that it would never happen, no matter what).
Also because you made the statement that I should’ve let him keep this dog because he was being a father to children whom weren’t biologically his, does that mean that if my children were biologically his then the situation could’ve been different? I ask because his brother pretty much said the same thing, yet when him and his wife had a baby he rehomed his large dog that he had for YEARS prior to them getting married because the dog only showed signs of aggression. So are my children less valuable because they aren’t biologically his, and I should feel obliged to put my kids safety at risk?
 

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Discussion Starter #49
Let him get mad all he wants. If he won't take care of the dog, it's a nonstarter.
He claims he will. But I KNOW my husband and he won’t do it to my standards..by nature I’m a very clean person and I prefer my house being clean at all times. My husband is the opposite. So when I say you need to pick up the dog poop I mean you need to go outside after the dog comes in and pick up the dog poop. He will pick it up once a week after I nag at him to do so and will claim “I do a good job picking up the dog poop.”
 

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If you're OK with another Mastiff coming into the house (and I don't think you are--I don't blame you), then you need to leave no stone unturned when it comes the rules with your husband. Say, clean up poop every day, not 1x a week, etc. If the rules aren't followed, bye bye dog. And coming from my mouth--to rehome a dog under those conditions is a huge deal. I wouldn't even let it get that far, but people are different and what won't work for someone might work for another.
 

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So we haven’t really “talk” about it in fact I try to avoid it .... I rolled my eyes and walked away from the conversation and we haven’t spoken about it since.
Doing stuff like this isn't going to help. You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this until it is resolved.

If your daughter says the dog bit your son and there were only scratches on his face, then the dog most likely scratched your son with her teeth while playing. I've seen that happy many times. If a dog of that size wanted to do damage, it would have.
 

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Let me give you some background about our relationship before you say I should have let him keep a dog that came into the picture well after my children and I established a family with him. It would’ve been different if this were a dog he had before us (such as in your scenario). My husband and I are in the same profession, but when we met I was 4 years into my career and he was still in school. Being that I did not have a great support system from my ex while I was in school, I went above and beyond for him because that’s the love I’d wanted. So I did all the cooking, all the cleaning, paid all the bills (he offered to chip in financially but I said no because I knew he was making much money at the time and again I was expressed a “love language” to him that i wish was expressed to me). All he had to do was go to work, school, and study. I did EVERYTHING else, including tending to my own children. But of course he was present in the home and has always been great to them. Putting the love of children on the same level as the love you show a pet is a trigger for me. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve owned smaller breed dogs pretty much my whole life and I have one now, but if it ever came down between my children and my dog, it’s never a question that my children and honestly any child that is in my sight for the moment or long term dominates over mine or any other dog (I say that because I once had a co worker whom told me a story about when she was in a situation and had to make a split decision to either save a child whom was a stranger to her, or he dog of 12 years and like a compassionate human she picked the child though it hurt her deeply that she lost her dog). So my point being, I took care of him until we were married, as a way of showing him how much I love him. So I don’t feel like him being there for my children whom aren’t biologically his went above and beyond what I did, and there for I should’ve just put up with the situation when no solutions were being made after I gave him 3 different chances to fix it. The dog putting fear in my young child, was the last straw. I’m a mother above anything else.
Pretty incredible response and very apropos to an even more incredibly insane statement of placing a dog over a child's wellbeing, especially being a situation they haven't and never will experience. And no, I wouldn't care if you never did anything for the man, the choice to be with you was his, and your children are part of the package. You certainly don't owe him any kind of debt of undying gratitude, nor reduction or dismissal of his responsibility to you and your children just because he took on that package. Goodness!!!

You gave us more information than you initially intended just because you keep thinking you have to answer to people's ridiculous comments and challenges. I really wish you would stop thinking that. When the comments are not civil or sensible or even convincing (full of bull like this one you responded to), just ignore them. No one can make you respond.

And seriously, I couldn't care less if a dog's bite resulted in only scratches. You did the right thing to make him get rid of the dog. How many bites and scratches were you supposed to allow your son or daughter to receive???
 

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I thought it was a bad idea because I had small children and knew nothing about this dog breed. The biggest dog I’d owned up until that point was a boxer.
Mastiffs are not an easy breed. They are basically war dogs. They need someone who can can train and handle them

How much training did your husband do with this dog? He he walk it at least once a day?
 

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This is why you are having problems with your husband over dogs. If you don't see the problem with saying a dog bit your child when there is no evidence of a bite, then there is no helping you. I'm out of this thread.
When my son was 6 he used to go to the neighbor's house to play with their son who was about the same age. They had a Rottweiler. That dog seemed like a sweetheart. My son really liked the dog and often played with it.

One day my son came home freaked out. He said that the dog walked up to my son and put is mouth completely over my son's face. Basically it's mouth was wrapped ear to ear around his face. The dog held my son like that for a bit and then let go. At at point my son just ran home and told me. I went to the neighbors to verify this and the kid who my son was playing with verified it. The boys mother thought nothing of it.

My son did not even have a scratch on his face from this. Rottweiler could have crushed his face had it decided to do so. That was the last time my son went to that house.

A bit does not have to break the skin, or even leave a red mark to be a serious problem.

@Slyoun03, is afraid of dogs like mastiffs. She is wise to be very cautious about them. The breed is not for everyone. Most people have no clue how to handle one. It sounds like her husband does not know how to handle a mastiff.
 

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I'm not a dog person, (have only owned two). and i would rather live with a mastiff than a chiuaua. I've never met a mastiff that I didn't get along with.
I've always had large breed dogs. They are much calmer than small breeds and easier to deal with as long a the owners understands each breed and provides what's needed. I've had German Shepherds, Collies, Newfoundlander, even a Mastiff & German Shepard mix. Never had a problem with any of them, until there was a problem with one particular dog.

I did have a problem with the Mastiff & German Shepard mix. As the Newfie male got older Mastiff mix started trying to be dominate. He would go after he Newfie. These were not fun play fights, these were I'm going to harm you fights. This often when down when the Newfie was near me so my legs ere often in the mist of teh attack. The Mastiff mix only broke skin on the Newfie once. But it was clear that as the Newfie got older it was getting serious. I ended up rehoming the Mastiff mix. Moral of the story is that each breed has their characteristics that need to be taken seriously. And each individual dog has their own issues. While most mastiffs might be really cool dogs when treated well and trained, individuals do sometimes of issues.
 

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We got the dog as a puppy but neither of us had the knowledge to properly train the dog, and when we had her evaluated by a specialist he’d pretty much told us something was “wrong” with her (the mother bit her as a puppy and he said that was her way of eliminating the puppy?). Any who, my husband in my opinion didn’t properly care for her and I was growing aggravated by the day of the destruction she was causing to my home. It was starting to put a huge strain on our relationship when we had ZERO problems before.
Did the specialist know for a fact that the dog's mother had bitten her? Did the breeder tell you this? Or did the specialist come up with this theory?
 

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Discussion Starter #57
Mastiffs are not an easy breed. They are basically war dogs. They need someone who can can train and handle them

How much training did your husband do with this dog? He he walk it at least once a day?
No walking, no training. He took her to a once a week program for an hour at a time at a humane society and he stopped doing that after a few weeks. I went to one session and could see she was not making any improvement.
 

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No walking, no training. He took her to a once a week program for an hour at a time at a humane society and he stopped doing that after a few weeks. I went to one session and could see she was not making any improvement.
One of the major purposed of dog training classes is actually to train the human handler. The dog was not making improvement because your husband was not leaning what he needed to do as the dog's handler.

With dogs, the humans have to establish that they are the alpha of the pack. If that's not done, the dog assume they are the alpha or at least can do as they choose. It can also leave the dog confused and lead to behavior problems. This is especially true with breeds like mastiffs, German Shepherds, etc.
 
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