You are so right. The other night he said “you use to be so easy going and laid back.”So, I'm going to say this, and it just might sting a little, but I'm not saying it to offend you. I'm saying it for you to glean from.
You ever hear a spoiled child is ungrateful?
That's the way it goes for adults too sometimes. Probably pretty often.
You gave him everything you had to show him what he meant to you, but did he give you everything? Did you make sure you meant as much to him as he meant to you? That road is supposed to be a two-way street.
There's a general rule that you can't give more than you get because when you do, you give the other person all the power in the relationship, and nobody handles power all that well. That's why there has to always be a balance. You know the checks and balance rule.
The thing about men is they have to chase. It's a primal instinct even if they are not aware. You gave all of yourself and went above and beyond to show your love, so what was left for him to capture? You showered him freely, so there was nothing for him to earn, and everybody knows the trophy is prized when it's earned. The one given just for showing up holds considerably less value.
I had a friend whose father heard her on the phone with her husband from whom she had recently separated. Dad was kind of disappointed with what he heard from her end of the conversation and when she got off the phone, he sat his daughter down and, among other things, he told her "You forgot that YOU are the prize." See what I mean? You didn't make that man work for it.
So, after giving him everything that was in you, you expected to have earned his gratitude and became disappointed to discover none was forthcoming, that he doesn't care nearly as much as you do. And you also discovered that all he thinks he about is you don't shower like you used to. Still no gratitude, just "Where is my milk and honey?" while he continues to show you how necessary it was for you to give chase so that he'd have something to be grateful for.
I know you didn't know, and I really hate that. I wish there were some kind of school for girls so that every woman knew how to conduct herself in relationships and had the self-esteem not to love a man more than they love themselves. They would never be taken for granted. They'd never be abused. They'd be treated like the prize that they are. And they would settle for nothing less.
I just want to tell him YOU CHANGED ME! I never made him chase me. In fact I did the chasing, which years later I’m starting to regret. Don’t get me wrong my husband is a good man, he works hard (I never have an issue with him taking care of his family) there has never been any issues of infidelity and never will be (my husband doesn’t have the heart to step out on me or his family which I love about him) he makes sure I know exactly where he is etc and checks in with me even when I act annoyed that he’s calling to check in. This was the issue that changed our relationship. I even feel like crying now remembering everything we went through over a DOG. When I saw how much he wanted to fight for this dog, it made me feel worthless, and 4 years later it still does. And him talking about getting another one just brings all those emotions back.