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Discussion Starter #21
So, I'm going to say this, and it just might sting a little, but I'm not saying it to offend you. I'm saying it for you to glean from.

You ever hear a spoiled child is ungrateful?
That's the way it goes for adults too sometimes. Probably pretty often.

You gave him everything you had to show him what he meant to you, but did he give you everything? Did you make sure you meant as much to him as he meant to you? That road is supposed to be a two-way street.

There's a general rule that you can't give more than you get because when you do, you give the other person all the power in the relationship, and nobody handles power all that well. That's why there has to always be a balance. You know the checks and balance rule.

The thing about men is they have to chase. It's a primal instinct even if they are not aware. You gave all of yourself and went above and beyond to show your love, so what was left for him to capture? You showered him freely, so there was nothing for him to earn, and everybody knows the trophy is prized when it's earned. The one given just for showing up holds considerably less value.

I had a friend whose father heard her on the phone with her husband from whom she had recently separated. Dad was kind of disappointed with what he heard from her end of the conversation and when she got off the phone, he sat his daughter down and, among other things, he told her "You forgot that YOU are the prize." See what I mean? You didn't make that man work for it.

So, after giving him everything that was in you, you expected to have earned his gratitude and became disappointed to discover none was forthcoming, that he doesn't care nearly as much as you do. And you also discovered that all he thinks he about is you don't shower like you used to. Still no gratitude, just "Where is my milk and honey?" while he continues to show you how necessary it was for you to give chase so that he'd have something to be grateful for.

I know you didn't know, and I really hate that. I wish there were some kind of school for girls so that every woman knew how to conduct herself in relationships and had the self-esteem not to love a man more than they love themselves. They would never be taken for granted. They'd never be abused. They'd be treated like the prize that they are. And they would settle for nothing less.
You are so right. The other night he said “you use to be so easy going and laid back.”
I just want to tell him YOU CHANGED ME! I never made him chase me. In fact I did the chasing, which years later I’m starting to regret. Don’t get me wrong my husband is a good man, he works hard (I never have an issue with him taking care of his family) there has never been any issues of infidelity and never will be (my husband doesn’t have the heart to step out on me or his family which I love about him) he makes sure I know exactly where he is etc and checks in with me even when I act annoyed that he’s calling to check in. This was the issue that changed our relationship. I even feel like crying now remembering everything we went through over a DOG. When I saw how much he wanted to fight for this dog, it made me feel worthless, and 4 years later it still does. And him talking about getting another one just brings all those emotions back.
 

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Discussion Starter #22
So, you avoided answering. Was there an actual bite? What was going on when the incident occurred?
I did not witness it. My kids and the dog were down stairs and I went upstairs to grab a basket of laundry to fold. I heard my son scream and I literally jumped down 2 stair cases to see him on the kitchen floor in the fetal position, and my daughter screaming that the dog bit him. My son knows no fear, so to see him like that, I knew something happened. On his face were two scratches, so my husband was saying the dog probably jumped up on him (at the time my son was 6 weighed 60lbs and the dog weighed 90lbs) and grazed him or something? I don’t know he just kept arguing that she did it with him, but was just playing.
 

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Discussion Starter #23
She didn't want him to get a big dog to begin with. A dog lover wouldn't have already been thinking it was a bad idea.
I thought it was a bad idea because I had small children and knew nothing about this dog breed. The biggest dog I’d owned up until that point was a boxer.
 

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Who cares. She doesn’t feel comfortable with this dog.
I cared, so I asked. I imagine her husband cares. She's been saying through this thread that the dog BIT her son. Now she's saying it was a couple of scratches on his face. That's a horse of a different color. And yeah, scratches can inadvertently happen if you are playing with a big dog. And little dog, actually.

The dog was rehomed so I'm not sure why you would respond "she doesn't feel comfortable with this dog". Dog is gone.
 

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You are so right. The other night he said “you use to be so easy going and laid back.”
I just want to tell him YOU CHANGED ME! I never made him chase me. In fact I did the chasing, which years later I’m starting to regret. Don’t get me wrong my husband is a good man, he works hard (I never have an issue with him taking care of his family) there has never been any issues of infidelity and never will be (my husband doesn’t have the heart to step out on me or his family which I love about him) he makes sure I know exactly where he is etc and checks in with me even when I act annoyed that he’s calling to check in. This was the issue that changed our relationship. I even feel like crying now remembering everything we went through over a DOG. When I saw how much he wanted to fight for this dog, it made me feel worthless, and 4 years later it still does. And him talking about getting another one just brings all those emotions back.
My dear, your heartache is palpable and was obvious in your original post too. That's the kind of heartache that haunts a person like PTSD, which is what you're going through. Something triggers the memories, and the memories cause those same wrenching and painful feelings all over again. And for him to announce his thoughtless and inconsiderate plan to send you through that exact same experience all over again is unbelievable....and unforgivable.

Don't let him put you through that again. But don't argue about it either. When the time comes, just let him know "It's either us or the dog." Let him choose the darned dog all he wants. I know it hurts but if he can't find his marbles and lost screws his little pea brain is missing, it's not up to you to find them for him.

Twice you mentioned "I just want to tell him" something that you didn't express, but you should have. Tell him both of those things. Your feelings matter, so don't be afraid to express yourself to him.
 

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Discussion Starter #27
I cared, so I asked. I imagine her husband cares. She's been saying through this thread that the dog BIT her son. Now she's saying it was a couple of scratches on his face. That's a horse of a different color. And yeah, scratches can inadvertently happen if you are playing with a big dog. And little dog, actually.

The dog was rehomed so I'm not sure why you would respond "she doesn't feel comfortable with this dog". Dog is gone.
The dog hurt my son... period. I wanted to be transparent is saying that I didn’t witness the ordeal, but whatever happened it hurt him enough to scream bloody murder and crouch down in the fetal position in fear. That was enough for me. I say she bit him because the only witness (my daughter) says she did. Now if I over looked it and it happened again only this time the outcome being worse I would be labeled a bad mother for allowing the dog to stay after she’d already hurt my child before.
 

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Wish my father had treated me that way.
Yep, that's the role a father plays (or rather is supposed to) in his daughter's life - to teach her the ways of men and to build her self esteem. People often mistake gender roles but between the ages of 12 and 16, it's dad, not mom, who is the most important parent in a girl's life. Unfortunately, too few people know that.
 

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The dog hurt my son... period. I wanted to be transparent is saying that I didn’t witness the ordeal, but whatever happened it hurt him enough to scream bloody murder and crouch down in the fetal position in fear. That was enough for me. I say she bit him because the only witness (my daughter) says she did. Now if I over looked it and it happened again only this time the outcome being worse I would be labeled a bad mother for allowing the dog to stay after she’d already hurt my child before.
If there was no evidence of a bite, but evidence of a scratch/s, then the truth of the matter is that your son was scratched, not bitten, and it's been disingenuous to go around saying the dog bit your son ..for years. I'm betting that was part of the initial conflict you had with your husband over the matter. What happened? If he was bitten there would be some evidence of a bite. If not, and there were a couple of scratches, then call it what it was. And yeah, find out how they were playing and what was going on. Heck I've gotten scratched by one of my own children in play.

I'm not saying that isn't a big dog and that something rough didn't happen, be repeating that he was BITTEN when that doesn't seem the case isn't cool.

Bites leave evidence on the flesh.
 

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Discussion Starter #30
If there was no evidence of a bite, but evidence of a scratch/s, then the truth of the matter is that your son was scratched, not bitten, and it's been disingenuous to go around saying the dog bit your son ..for years. I'm betting that was part of the initial conflict you had with your husband over the matter. What happened? If he was bitten there would be some evidence of a bite. If not, and there were a couple of scratches, then call it what it was. And yeah, find out how they were playing and what was going on. Heck I've gotten scratched by one of my own children in play.

I'm not saying that isn't a big dog and that something rough didn't happen, be repeating that he was BITTEN when that doesn't seem the case isn't cool.

Bites leave evidence on the flesh.
As I said before.. I say she bit because the person who witnessed it till this day says that’s what happened. Either way the dog was u fit to be around small children and that’s evident because the family he placed her with rehomed her as well..
 

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Discussion Starter #31
If there was no evidence of a bite, but evidence of a scratch/s, then the truth of the matter is that your son was scratched, not bitten, and it's been disingenuous to go around saying the dog bit your son ..for years. I'm betting that was part of the initial conflict you had with your husband over the matter. What happened? If he was bitten there would be some evidence of a bite. If not, and there were a couple of scratches, then call it what it was. And yeah, find out how they were playing and what was going on. Heck I've gotten scratched by one of my own children in play.

I'm not saying that isn't a big dog and that something rough didn't happen, be repeating that he was BITTEN when that doesn't seem the case isn't cool.

Bites leave evidence on the flesh.
I didn’t witness what happened. I’m just going off what my daughter told me, and how I found my son which was enough for me to feel the dog was not stable for young children.
 

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I didn’t witness what happened. I’m just going off what my daughter told me, and how I found my son which was enough for me to feel the dog was not stable for young children.
This is why you are having problems with your husband over dogs. If you don't see the problem with saying a dog bit your child when there is no evidence of a bite, then there is no helping you. I'm out of this thread.
 

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Discussion Starter #33
This is why you are having problems with your husband over dogs. If you don't see the problem with saying a dog bit your child when there is no evidence of a bite, then there is no helping you. I'm out of this thread.
I guess you didn’t read my post in its entirety because that wasn’t the only problem. This was just the last straw for me, but thanks for your input?
 

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I didn’t witness what happened. I’m just going off what my daughter told me, and how I found my son which was enough for me to feel the dog was not stable for young children.
You don't have to keep trying to defend yourself from people who enjoy being despicably challenging, starting arguments, and love keeping them going over and over. Your parents do not participate on this board, so you have no one here to answer to.

The fact is that nobody knows what a dog bite looks like until they actually see one. I know that because I have a dog bite on my right arm where my torn flesh from the top of the rottweiler's teeth was about 5 inches from my torn flesh from the bottom of his teeth. I had to have surgery to remove the infection. I was 42 at the time but when I was 14, I was at a friends house who had a beautiful black lab. Snoopy was a great dog and so much fun to play with. My friend, another buddy of ours, and I were roughhousing on her bed, when I pulled my friend's hair and jerked her head a little bit and she yelped "ouch." Snoopy jumped up and nipped my face. He was letting me know that playing was allowed, but I was in no way allowed to potentially harm his beloved owner. He was protecting her by warning me without actually trying to hurt me. But that nip was three little scratches on my face (two on my face and one on my nose). Those healed completely and didn't leave any evidence, thank goodness. But I'm not certain if the scars on my right arm are worse from the surgery than the bite itself would have left.

So there you have two very different types of dog bites. Your daughter said she bit your son, and that is exactly what she did.

You did not misrepresent anything here.
 

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Discussion Starter #35
I just felt like I was caught between trying to be a good mother to my children or trying to make my husband happy and there I was in the middle miserable. I never want to go through that again. As I said before I still think about 4 years later and wonder if our relationship would be better had that never happened. I have no desire at this point to have another dog, and I dread the day I will have to tell him that and again I will be stuck with the decision to let him be happy or make me miserable.
 

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I just felt like I was caught between trying to be a good mother to my children or trying to make my husband happy and there I was in the middle miserable. I never want to go through that again. As I said before I still think about 4 years later and wonder if our relationship would be better had that never happened. I have no desire at this point to have another dog, and I dread the day I will have to tell him that and again I will be stuck with the decision to let him be happy or make me miserable.
You did the right thing and it’s obvious your a great mother.
 
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