Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Sounds kinda weird but my Husband and I have been together for over 7 years, married for over 2 years. (one toddler and one on the way) Since the beginning I knew he had a thing for feet. When I am tired or touched out I like being able to give him my feet and 'calm him down'. We have always had a hard time finding a balance with the feet thing though, my Husband is a very focused man. He likes to focus on one thing at a time, so if it is fixing the house or our cars or working on his projects, and then of course his needs. I guess in the past I always figured that he works so hard that I need to just give in and let him enjoy. Except that I end up feeling left out and empty. When I have asked for him to focus more on me it feels like a very half hearted effort and it hurts. For instance - for mothers day (back in May this is Aug. now) He got me a movie for a date night that we could watch together after our son is sleeping. It is still in its packaging... He will take me out every week to dinner at my request but then I think a lot of times he at least wants SOMETHING in return... (it isn't all about feet for him but it sure feels that ways a lot..)

I am pregnant, I was nursing before I got pregnant, I do realize that my sexual desires are not as high as they could be because of this. I REALLY do work on being open to sex in general and on average we have sex about 3 times per week, and about once per week he gets 'feet sex' (which counts for me..) He has told me that when I am pregnant he gets REALLY needy, which probably explains a little of everything.. but I was feeling this way to a degree before the pregnancy and I want help finding the balance so that we can both be satisified.

A few weeks ago he made out this chart about how I 'get my way' more often than he does. Basically, every day that we do not have sex of any sort that counts towards what I want, and every time we have sex in a position of my choosing that counts towards what I want because it doesnt fulfill his needs nad every time we have 'feet sex'... it counts towards his wants. Except that I am not always left satisfied after sex even if it was in a position of my choosing... So, I am sure you can see where that was going...

I have read where other women are excited to have a man who likes feet because they can have pedicures and buy all the shoes they want ect.. and that is just not something that has happened. I take care of my feet (to the best that my growing belly allows) and I have never otherwise been a huge shoe person, a few high heels (which he bought with me because I don't wear them out or at any other time because I have shallow joints in my knees and they cause a lot of pain) Though on date nights I have been known to throw on a nice pair... or before our alone time..

I guess, through this big rant I am looking for some insight as to how to communicate my needs and wants to him so that he will make a harder effort for me. I have felt for a long time that if I was more fulfilled things would be easier for me to fulfill him.. :frown2:

I hate feeling like a groped empty shell..

thanks for listening,
Whittelily
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,277 Posts
Whittelilly,
I understand where you are coming from. I think most men have their kinks, some feet, some hands, whatever. In a sense they are all the same. I too have a kink that I like my wife to fulfill. Early on, I was probably much like your husband. Not until I figured out that the best way to get my kink enthusiastically fulfilled was to first drive my wife crazy with passion.

This only took me 20+ years to figure out. We men are slow learners.
My only recommendation is to keep talking to him. The aha moment for me was the starfish sex that I was getting. It got me trying to figure out why and started studying the issue.

I am not suggesting that the answer to your problem is dolling out starfish sex. Just letting you know what got me going in the right direction.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
444 Posts
Whittelily - my last partner had a foot thing and it took him a little while to admit this. I was a little bit concerned as my feet are really ticklish and I really wasn't sure I could handle having them touched and played with. However, he took the time and trouble to find out what sort of pressure would be best for me and I really got into having my feet played with. The foot thing was never the main thing with sex, but usually featured at some point. I find it a real turn on having my feet played with now (though we split up a few years ago and my current H has no interest in either my feet or any other part of me, but that's a different story). With my ex, sometimes I would let him get a bowl of water, wash my feet, dry them and then massage them - that was always a real treat and always led to sex.

Although he liked heels, that was always off the agenda - I'm a Doctor Martens girl - I always wear good quality shoes as I like to look after my feet, they are my main form of transport. When he first met me he confessed later that he looked at my Docs and wondered what sort of a state my feet would be in after wearing big heavy boots like that. He was pleasantly surprised to find that my feet are in great shape, tiny, smooth and always with polish on the nails. I've always taken good care of my feet, I use a stone on them a few times a week and then oil them when I get out of the bath so they are always really smooth and looking good - also my feet never smell bad which is quite lucky for me. I could turn my ex on just by taking my shoes off which was quite funny at times if we were in company. When discussing other women that he fancied, there were women that he wouldn't even consider dating because he didn't like the look of their feet!

My advice would be to get your H to give you regular foot baths and pedis, relax, go with the flow and learn to enjoy just how sensual having your feet played with can be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,043 Posts
A few weeks ago he made out this chart about how I 'get my way' more often than he does. Basically, every day that we do not have sex of any sort that counts towards what I want, and every time we have sex in a position of my choosing that counts towards what I want because it doesnt fulfill his needs and every time we have 'feet sex'... it counts towards his wants.
I very strongly suggest you play his game and also make a chart of your own and point out everyway that you are not satisfied with your sex life to him! Make your chart way more ornate than his with color and everything. That way when he pulls his chart out you can laugh at it and say the effort he put into his chart compared to yours that anyone can tell he is lazy and does not give a sh!t about trying to make a quality presentation of his needs.

Theoretically both charts should reconcile but he will be surprised at how he is leaving YOU wanting more all the time (intimacy or closeness).

In my opinion, your husband sounds like he needs to learn how to be a man and not throw a sexual temper tantrum by creating a chart.

Cheers,
Badsanta
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
doobie,

I have been doing that, the problem is that I am always left wanting and feeling like Im feet with a person attached... It was fine for a while but its not like he pampers me, I do ALL prep, all cleaning, and he isnt so amazing with the massages, it always hurts or tickles.

badsanta,

HaHa! I guess I never though of that!!!! I think I might have to take your idea and RUN with it!!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
UMP,

Thank you for the honest reply. It was helpful to understanding his side of the story a little better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
This post is coming from someone who would be classified as a "foot guy", but The issues that your husband is displaying are bigger than just the fact that he is attracted to your feet.

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to put up with things like guilt, and charts, to be then expected to meet his every need.

The relationship has to come first in every form or fashion before you can focus on the kind of stuff you mention.

Good luck -
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
My husband had a talk about how we are both feeling. We went on a camping trip and let everything kind of sink in. It seems like he is trying to find ways to make me happier and focus on me more. I know these things don't get fixed over night, but I hope we are headed in the right direction. Thanks everyone for listening to me and for your helpful suggestions!!!

Whittelily
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,141 Posts
Dear Whittelily;

Your husband sounds either a bit desperate or immature. As nearly the father of two he has a lot of growing up or maturing to do. Charts like he is making are silly and childish. It seems he is doing a lot of what Glover in his book No More Mr. Nice Guy would say are "covert contracts." That is exchanges in his mind that he doesn't share with you but expects you to deliver on.

Still one has to "play the hand one is dealt in life." I would suggest you work on his emotional growth/education. Chapman's 5 Languages of Love and Glover's NMMNG might help him mature and be able to provide you the emotional support love you want more of.

You might also ask him to talk to you about how you can sexually satisfy him both just before and just after the birth of your next child and things that the two of you can do while you are sleep deprived carrying for a newborn and young child. His having a foot thing might actually make your life easier. Also make sure that you identify some things for him that you would really like him to do for/with you.

Have you thought of getting him a book on foot massage or reflexology and asked him to massage your feet, maybe while he or the two of you are naked? Depending on your own comfort level with exhibitionism, ask him how he would feel massaging your feet while you masturbated for him with a vibrator. If you are a sensible shoe woman, have you ever thought about buying some toe rings or anklets to wear while at home with your shoes off and possible while he massages your feet. How about letting him give you a pedicure? Have you ever seen those fake tattoo decals you can put on your feet? Ask him if he can find a piece of erotic foot porn that the two of you can watch after your child is asleep and see if there is anything in it that you would be willing to try.

You sound like a wonderful woman who is committed to your H, but a little frustrated at his focus on just your feet. My suggestion is help him grow, have him understand that you also have sexual desires for certain things, and that he needs to be less focused on himself and become focused on loving his wife and family.

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
My husband had a talk about how we are both feeling. We went on a camping trip and let everything kind of sink in. It seems like he is trying to find ways to make me happier and focus on me more. I know these things don't get fixed over night, but I hope we are headed in the right direction. Thanks everyone for listening to me and for your helpful suggestions!!!



Whittelily

Will hope for things to go on a continued positive path.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
Whittelily,

I have been married for 23 years and just found out that my husband has a major foot fetish. He doesn't really play or do anything out of the ordinary to my feet so I really didn't think that he had a major fetish until I saw all to porn websites he has been looking at on the computer. He looks at least for an hour a day sometime three or more. Please say just start look at the porn with him but how do you look at just images of feet with him. I don't think so. This has been very hard on me and I'm try to deal with it. It's not that its feet (maybe alittle because I had no idea) but I guess its the whole porn thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
I very strongly suggest you play his game and also make a chart of your own and point out everyway that you are not satisfied with your sex life to him! Make your chart way more ornate than his with color and everything. That way when he pulls his chart out you can laugh at it and say the effort he put into his chart compared to yours that anyone can tell he is lazy and does not give a sh!t about trying to make a quality presentation of his needs.

Theoretically both charts should reconcile but he will be surprised at how he is leaving YOU wanting more all the time (intimacy or closeness).

In my opinion, your husband sounds like he needs to learn how to be a man and not throw a sexual temper tantrum by creating a chart.

Cheers,
Badsanta

My coworkers and I were pretty impressed by a recent presentation done using Prezi. The transitions left me awe struck. :nerd:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
I also love ladies feet. My reason is how they feel, very soft, and how they look, move and their arch.

Putting oil on her feet and giving you an oiled foot job to completion is awesome. Also, oiled breast jobs are amazing too. Nothing beats a great BJ either. All alternatives to PIV and anal sex.

That's my thing and Mrs.CuddleBug does this for me once in a while but its not nearly as often as I would like. 1x month is pretty much nothing in my books.

Don't see yourself as an empty shell just because your hubby finds your feet sexy. That's his thing and its with your feeties and not another woman. Toenail colors and sexy open shoes and bare feet will drive him nuts. Use this and make it fun.

I'm sure you have fantasies you want to do with him or that maybe you've never told him.

You are to take care of his needs as your own and you are not your own anymore. That goes for him as well. He is to take care of your needs as his own.

Most guys have high sex drives and having sex 3x or more a week is about right.

You could lay on the bed, a cloth under your feet, oil your feet up, put them together and give him an oiled foot job to completion. Not hard on your joints this way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,788 Posts
As someone with a really high sex drive, I honestly don't understand (as in "get") foot fetishes. Or most other fetishes, for that matter.

Not trying to be judgmental... honestly, just trying to understand. :confused:
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top