Talk About Marriage banner

My husband love letter to his ex or current girlfriend

1K views 4 replies 5 participants last post by  hinterdir 
#1 ·
I discovered last year that ny husband had an affable with a colleague, at the time he broke his knee and I wanted to leave but i had an instinct to stay and help him heal in this process he made promises to change and spend more time with his family 3 months later he returned to work and had the same bad patterns of behavior. I left in November because i couldn't deal with him and his empty promises. He went for counseling and we bought a house, finally after sharing a family home for 5 years with other members of his family. I moved back in excited to move into the new house but he was always delaying the things we had to complete his excuses were too much work. Then lockdown came and we couldn't move. I am sure many couples grew closer and we also grew closer untill by pure accident of me trying to help him recover a document on his computer. I discover a love letter that said to the love of my life. I read the letter thinking that this was adressed to me. The letter stated that the month that he couldn't see his ex mistress was pure hell and he is scared to lose her and he wants to make her his wife for realz. I confronted him with the letter but he just said that we had move on and that he did not want me to be like this again and that I am the love of all his lives. That was a few weeks ago but I feel like my marriage is over...
 
#2 ·
It sounds like the letter was written just a couple of weeks ago, is that right?

When did you think he had stopped seeing her? It sounds like he was seeing her up to the start of the lockdown. Were you aware of this?
 
#3 ·
You can see the date it was saved in the hard drive? It sounds very recent if it is talking about lock down. So how many affairs has he had? Sorry but your husband is a liar and it is time to get a divorce. Let her have him, he doesn't sound like a great catch anyhow. Sorry you have to go through this but why wait any longer, you know who he is. You have to meet with a lawyer especially now that you bought a house so you can split your assets. He is saying you have to move on because he wants to rug sweep, get out now, he will not change. You deserve better.
 
#4 ·
I confronted him with the letter but he just said that we had move on and that he did not want me to be like this again and that I am the love of all his lives. That was a few weeks ago but I feel like my marriage is over...
While I acknowledge that for a couple to truly move on after fidelity, the betrayed spouse at some point has to forgive and not punish the wayward spouse forever, this is still quite recent. He doesn't get to say that to you. HE cheated, HE needs to fix it and to do that he needs to acknowledge your pain fully, and ensure that you understand that he really gets how what he did hurt you, and the pain it caused.

Doesn't sound to me like it was really over, if he's writing letters like that as recently as the lockdown.
 
#5 ·
"I feel like my marriage is over"

Understatement of the year.

Yes, your marriage is over.
He has killed it. Do not try and bring a corpse back to life. Grieve and go through all the stages of healing you need to but your marriage is dead and sounds like he killed it a long time ago.

Begin the moving on process today.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top