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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Me and my husband have been together for almost 6 years and we would have been married 3 years this June. There has been some problems with our relationship though it all, but I didn't think it would end like this. I know it wasn't all his fault I made some bad mistakes too.

I guess our story started on our wedding night when he sat out in the garage with his son and another young man and got drunk while I waited for him to come in. then he came and past out. It was a week before we ever had sex. And it got worse. The past year I was lucky if we had sex once a month. When I would say something about it he would say is that all our marriage means to you. He sometimes says he just getting older and not interested or don't feel like it.

Let me explain I'm 41 and he is 46. But we are both pretty active in our lives. He hunts and traps and can walk for miles through the woods, and he can out work most men half his age. so I don't understand how he could do all this and not feel like making love to me.

We have another problem he dosn't talk to me. I can come and try to talk to him and he ignores me. He would get on the computer or be watching TV and I would try to talk to him and he would tell me he was busy. But let one of his friends call or come over and he would be up talking to them. He never put me first. And he never tried to save our marriage. So I would get mad and fuss and grip at him because that was the only way he would ever hear me. I just know how to handle it. I knew he was slipping away from me but I didn't know how to get him back.

I got mad on Valentines day because he didn't buy me anything and I bought him a $200.00 camera and a card and he wouldn't even open the card so I tore it to pieces. He told me he was tired of hearing about what I wanted and he wanted a divorce. He called all his friends and they started loading up all his stuff and they're not done yet.

So now here I sat no job no money 2 kids and no husband.

Thank you for reading please give me some advise
 

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Did he act like this before you got married?

If not, why do you think his behavior changed?

What was his parents' relationship like?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
no he didn't act like that before we were married. I think he thought he owned me after we got married. And I don't know alot about his parents his dad died when he was 19. But I don't think his mom wanted anything to do with his dad they sort of lived their own lives. I guess that is what he wanted. For me to just do my thing as long as I cooked and cleaned and was at his beak and call. Thanks for your input
 

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countrywoman, your priority is to get yourself organised so that you and your kids are provided for. He can't just up and leave, he has responsibilities. If you think the marriage is over,then find yourself a solicitor, and discuss your options. He will have to arrange to provide for you and the children even if he doesn't want to live with you. How old are the kids? If they are very young, you don't have the option of going out to work.
 

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Oh honey I so hear you on this..........But just know that you are stronger than you know, dig down and you will see.
Also listen to the people on hear they are all great and they are all so wise.

Cyber hug honey sounds like you need one
 

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I'm no psychologist but it sounds like you husband defanetly has some issues. He reminds me a lot of my father ... he treats his wife the same as your husband treats you. My father was never able to show any kind of affection towards me, my sister, my mother, or his two wives since. My father had a terrible childhood and I believe this is why he is like he is.

He is very charming and fun to be around when he is at the bar and with friends but at home he was impossible. He believes the man makes the money and the woman stays at home, the man is the boss and the woman should do as she is told and not grip or complain because "she has got it good".

I know for a fact that people like this will not change. They will not admit when they are wrong, and will never apologize. I just hope he is not doing this just to "teach you a lessen" and expect you to take him back when he feels you have been punished enough. Leaving you on Valentine's day was pretty cold whether you were fighting or not.

Of course I am only basing these assumptions on your short post and my life experience ... I could be way off base here.
 

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Move on sweetie... so what if he left you, whatever day it was... sounds like it was a huge blessing. MKM had it right... you are so much stronger than you think... dig down and find that strength, even if it means you're driving force is to show him up and prove to him you don't need his detached, bad husband butt. Don't let him bring you down... it only takes you down to his level. You're better than that just b/c. =)
 

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I am so sorry that this happened to you. But on the other hand, do you want to waste one more minute with a person that is so self centered? Thank your lucky stars and go out and meet someone new. There are good people looking for good people to love and share good times. Don't settle for less. People will treat you the way you allow them to. REMEMBER THAT! Be a stand for yourself. You should have been the one to leave him on VDay. Get dolled up and go out and have some fun. Make that soon to be X, history that isn't worth looking back at. Take care of your self and don't ever be a human scrafice for anyone. Go out and create a happy life without him!!! Find your smile girl!!
 

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I am so sorry that this happened to you. But on the other hand, do you want to waste one more minute with a person that is so self centered? Thank your lucky stars and go out and meet someone new. There are good people looking for good people to love and share good times. Don't settle for less. People will treat you the way you allow them to. REMEMBER THAT! Be a stand for yourself. You should have been the one to leave him on VDay. Get dolled up and go out and have some fun. Make that soon to be X, history that isn't worth looking back at. Take care of your self and don't ever be a human scrafice for anyone. Go out and create a happy life without him!!! Find your smile girl!!
Good advice but don't forget to heal yourself.

draconis
 

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Forget about him and concentrate in yourself. He doesn't deserve you. If you still have the camera, return it! And sue him for alimony and child support right away. Also, try to get a job, because that not only will bring money but will uplift your self esteem. You deserve better!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
thank you all for the kind words. I have been out trying to find a job and I thank I may have one. My husband has came back around and has helped me with some things. We are talking but I'm not sure what will happen. By the way my kids are not his and they are teenagers. I will be alright, I am strong and life goes on. My husband is a good man he just doesn't know how to show effection and he doesn't understand me and maybe he never will. He is giving me money until I get on my feet because he wants me to be happy. I will be with or without a man. Thanks again
 
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