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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We've been married for 12 years. I married for love. He owns nothing. I own the contents of my apartment. Well, if we divorced I suppose he could take that too.

Every year or two he presents with a $20,000 debt. It's happened 5 times! He keeps having people bail him out: me (I went bankrupt supporting him) , friends, my father. This time it's $65,000 in combined debt and we have no one to bail us out. I am on disability income.

I suffer from anxiety and this is sending me over the top. I'm considering divorce. I just can't face this again. He'll never change, has always thought of money differently than I. Always wants to borrow more money to bail him out. I can't stand being in debt especially with our low income and after my bankruptcy I vowed never to carry debt again.

He works in construction self employed:, never makes any money. In fact he ends up losing money alot of the time. He's just no good with money.

I can barely stand to look at him.

My guilt sending him away a homeless man in debt is killing me but I just can't take this anymore.

What should I do?
 

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Tell him if he incurs one more dollar of debt then the marriage is over.

That way you can at least give him the opportunity to make things right and if he doesn't you can divorce him guilt free.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The only opportunity for him to make things right is for him to go bankrupt because we can't afford the debt. And without credit, he won't be able to run his business.

By the way, I forgot to mention we haven't slept together in 2 years.
 

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Have you tried counseling yet? If it is feasible, I would try that first. Also, take some time away from the house and really have a talk with him. Tell him about what your dreams and aspirations and then ask him about his. Don't criticize each other, just talk like friends and maybe something positive will come out of it.
 

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My guess is the reason you haven't slept together in 2 yrs is because you resent him not meeting your needs. Not necessarily intentionally on your part but as women we have a lot of needs that sort of go hand in hand.
 

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The only opportunity for him to make things right is for him to go bankrupt because we can't afford the debt. And without credit, he won't be able to run his business.

By the way, I forgot to mention we haven't slept together in 2 years.
Confused, sadly you need to divorce to separate his financial affairs from yours. If you love him, live with him. Then his debts are not yours. In my experience (my own and friends experience), some really good people are just terrible with finances. They will destroy you financially over time. I'm an early retired business guy. It sounds like your husband's "business" is a hobby as he chronically loses money. Businesses make money at some point. Businesses that lose money continously is a "hobby" -- sorry. Don't mean to be cruel, but I have personally seen money issues destroy several friends marriages. More often, it is the ladies who over spend. But self employed guys with a "business" that chronically loses money will bury you even faster.
 

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I am in an exactly similar situation.

Married for 17 years - he lost his job 11 years ago. I have been sole bread winner. He keeps trying different "business". Initially it did not matter because I had a very good paying job and solid financial backup. But over the years it slowly started eroding. He would rack up the debt - I would fight, cry and eventually pay it off because it didn't make sense to pay "interest".

Three years ago I lost my job and couldn't get another job with all the recession. We went almost bankrupt. On. Ew years eve we did not even have $3.00 to buy milk. I struggled really hard to bring us back on track. Working endlessly for almost 20-22 hours a day. Things started looking up. I started paying off the debt slowly but consistently - only to find out he ended up getting some credit cards and getting a huge loan of another $20k.

I don't know what to do. We have two kids together. I have never loved anyone other than him. I have tried everything from counselling to yelling and screaming and crying and threatening. Not sure what I should do anymore. I don't want to put kids through this as they love their dad. Also I don't think he can survive if I throw him out. But I am under a lot of stress. I don't want to keep paying his debt all my life. I want to walk away but don't have the courage to do so. Help me.
 

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I am in an exactly similar situation.



Married for 17 years - he lost his job 11 years ago. I have been sole bread winner. He keeps trying different "business". Initially it did not matter because I had a very good paying job and solid financial backup. But over the years it slowly started eroding. He would rack up the debt - I would fight, cry and eventually pay it off because it didn't make sense to pay "interest".



Three years ago I lost my job and couldn't get another job with all the recession. We went almost bankrupt. On. Ew years eve we did not even have $3.00 to buy milk. I struggled really hard to bring us back on track. Working endlessly for almost 20-22 hours a day. Things started looking up. I started paying off the debt slowly but consistently - only to find out he ended up getting some credit cards and getting a huge loan of another $20k.



I don't know what to do. We have two kids together. I have never loved anyone other than him. I have tried everything from counselling to yelling and screaming and crying and threatening. Not sure what I should do anymore. I don't want to put kids through this as they love their dad. Also I don't think he can survive if I throw him out. But I am under a lot of stress. I don't want to keep paying his debt all my life. I want to walk away but don't have the courage to do so. Help me.


Please please post this in a new thread (or maybe @EleGirl can move it??) - you desperately need advice and support, but this is a very old thread.
 

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Please please post this in a new thread (or maybe @EleGirl can move it??) - you desperately need advice and support, but this is a very old thread.
I copied her post to another thread hours ago. People are responding to her, but she’s not posting. She’s probably not reading either. I find is sad that so many people post and then just leave.

Here is a link to the thread with her post…

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera.../382121-my-husband-keeps-racking-up-debt.html
 
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