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I've been going through this for 3 weeks now. My husband has been having an emotional affair that has lead to hickies on her neck. But it all started with them being friends and riding into work together, 3rd shift factory work. And now they have a "special connection he and I never had". I know I haven't showed him the appreciation he deserves and the love, I am 16 weeks pregnant and we have a 4 year old So I'm kinda wore out alot. But I finally told him I couldn't take it anymore and he needed to leave. But I don't want him to leave. I want us to work out. But he is so blinded by her I can't get through to him anymore. He says it's too late for us. He is always very truthful with me to the point that it hurts so much to hear it. We've been married 4 years together 7. He plans on staying in his father's house until he gets outta jail in 2 months, yea I know. I do not believe a word this woman says about anything. She has a 9 year old daughter that never seems like is with her but oh she has custody, but the list goes on, not important. I believe she is using my pregnancy in her favor, telling me to my face she only cared about herself but telling him she worried about me and if I needed to get ahold of him at work I could message her. Nope that's not gonna happen. But I was hoping that me tellin him to leave would help him finally realize he's throwing away everything for something he's not sure of with a girl who's had a bad reputation since she was in high school. I'm miserable and need help or a reassuring word. He doesnt wabt to grt a divorce yet, he said he doesnt know why, just in case. We have a kid and one on the way so he wants to be around for all of that but it kills me. I want him away so he can have time to miss me. HELP
 

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He is in a fog right now. Anything you say or do it won't matter to him because in his mind she is the best thing ever. The sad thing is when he leaves and start tasting reality, he will start realizing what he left behind.

Isn't easy at the beginning. Trust me you will have bad days but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Have faith and focus in what really matters.


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I'm sorry you're for what you're going through. But I seriously doubt it's only an EA -- especially if she's got hickies on her neck. Much more likely they're already having sex. Most men wouldn't walk away from their family without knowing exactly what it is they're leaving for. :(
 

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**** him!!!! I'm so sorry
It will HURT LIKE HELL

if yu need help I have lots of songs that can get you through..❤

He is not the one for you..its sad but it's reality
Even if he wants yu back & will never do it again.. **** HIM & HIS *****

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He does not want a divorce...does not know why?
Uh, he does not want to pay alimony and child support, that is why.

Why do men do this crap to their pregnant wives?
Because the wives have all they can handle now, they are very vulnerable and more "helpless". They can get away with more crap.
Because the wives are not "available" for sex and they cannot wait for her to get better. This is not always true. Some wives will tide a man over with a hand job to keep him happy.

Good riddance. See a lawyer, make sure he pays the bills. If you are on his insurance plan, hold off on divorce. Should not be a problem...divorces have waiting periods.
 

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I'm very sorry, but what you have is a lying cake eater. She has hickies but they didn't have sex? He wants to leave his wife but they didn't have sex? Lol, don't be naive.

Kicking him out was the exactly correct thing to do. It was strong.

Doing it so he will miss you? So you can get him back? That's just bad on so many levels.

He is stringing you along so he doesn't have to pay for you or his kids. And so he has a safety net "plan b" so if her vagina doesn't work out, he can still get to borrow yours until the next vagina comes along.

Don't do this to yourself. Move on with your life and put this cheating child in your rear view.

In a year when you've healed, you will understand why I advised you to do this.

You're in for a lot of pain. Make it as limited as possible by divorcing this "man".

He is a sickening excuse.
 

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I've been going through this for 3 weeks now. My husband has been having an emotional affair that has lead to hickies on her neck. But it all started with them being friends and riding into work together, 3rd shift factory work. And now they have a "special connection he and I never had". I know I haven't showed him the appreciation he deserves and the love, I am 16 weeks pregnant and we have a 4 year old So I'm kinda wore out alot. But I finally told him I couldn't take it anymore and he needed to leave. But I don't want him to leave. I want us to work out. But he is so blinded by her I can't get through to him anymore. He says it's too late for us. He is always very truthful with me to the point that it hurts so much to hear it. We've been married 4 years together 7. He plans on staying in his father's house until he gets outta jail in 2 months, yea I know. I do not believe a word this woman says about anything. She has a 9 year old daughter that never seems like is with her but oh she has custody, but the list goes on, not important. I believe she is using my pregnancy in her favor, telling me to my face she only cared about herself but telling him she worried about me and if I needed to get ahold of him at work I could message her. Nope that's not gonna happen. But I was hoping that me tellin him to leave would help him finally realize he's throwing away everything for something he's not sure of with a girl who's had a bad reputation since she was in high school. I'm miserable and need help or a reassuring word. He doesnt wabt to grt a divorce yet, he said he doesnt know why, just in case. We have a kid and one on the way so he wants to be around for all of that but it kills me. I want him away so he can have time to miss me. HELP

@Heav85 So sorry you had to seek us out, but I am glad you found us.

You need to ensure you have medical help, tell your doctors what you are going through.

You also need legal advice to make sure you are fully aware of your legal rights.
 

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I'm very sorry, but what you have is a lying cake eater. She has hickies but they didn't have sex? He wants to leave his wife but they didn't have sex? Lol, don't be naive.

Kicking him out was the exactly correct thing to do. It was strong.

Doing it so he will miss you? So you can get him back? That's just bad on so many levels.

He is stringing you along so he doesn't have to pay for you or his kids. And so he has a safety net "plan b" so if her vagina doesn't work out, he can still get to borrow yours until the next vagina comes along.

Don't do this to yourself. Move on with your life and put this cheating child in your rear view.

In a year when you've healed, you will understand why I advised you to do this.

You're in for a lot of pain. Make it as limited as possible by divorcing this "man".

He is a sickening excuse.
💯💯💯💯

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I've been going through this for 3 weeks now. My husband has been having an emotional affair that has lead to hickies on her neck. But it all started with them being friends and riding into work together, 3rd shift factory work. And now they have a "special connection he and I never had". I know I haven't showed him the appreciation he deserves and the love, I am 16 weeks pregnant and we have a 4 year old So I'm kinda wore out alot. But I finally told him I couldn't take it anymore and he needed to leave. But I don't want him to leave. I want us to work out. But he is so blinded by her I can't get through to him anymore. He says it's too late for us. He is always very truthful with me to the point that it hurts so much to hear it. We've been married 4 years together 7. He plans on staying in his father's house until he gets outta jail in 2 months, yea I know. I do not believe a word this woman says about anything. She has a 9 year old daughter that never seems like is with her but oh she has custody, but the list goes on, not important. I believe she is using my pregnancy in her favor, telling me to my face she only cared about herself but telling him she worried about me and if I needed to get ahold of him at work I could message her. Nope that's not gonna happen. But I was hoping that me tellin him to leave would help him finally realize he's throwing away everything for something he's not sure of with a girl who's had a bad reputation since she was in high school. I'm miserable and need help or a reassuring word. He doesnt wabt to grt a divorce yet, he said he doesnt know why, just in case. We have a kid and one on the way so he wants to be around for all of that but it kills me. I want him away so he can have time to miss me. HELP
Sorry that you find yourself in this situation.

First his affair is physical at this point, don't kid yourself regarding this and don't believe he is or is going to give you the full story/truth.

Second, the OW didn't coerce him, your husband is a grown man and knew what he was getting into, he made this decision, he must own it.

Third, your looking at this wrong, he isn't the prize, you and your children are. Don't try and win him back, if he trys to come back he must earn the gift you may or may not give him in regards to reconciliation. You were correct in asking him to leave, don't let him come back. You should file for divorce and protect yourself and kids.

Read up on the 180, it will be referenced on this site. Break off communication with him except in regards to the kids.
 

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Do you have family close by?

You need their help. Your dad or your Mom. see your attorney and file.

tell his parents about his affair.

good you sent him out but he will wake up too late.

have your attorney serve him at work.

He will really regret this. She will cheat on him and he will realize some of your pain.

Sorry you are having this horrible experience.
 

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@Heav85

I agree with the others. The affair is a physical affair. Cheaters lie, they all lie. He's only telling you want he wants to. He's not going to tell you the entire truth. It does not fit his purpose to tell the truth.

He does not want a divorce for two reasons. One is that he likes the idea of having you on hold just in case his affair does not work out. You are his default fall back plan. And the other reason is that divorce means that he will have to pay you child support and some alimony at least until the divorce is finally, probably until some time after the baby is born if not longer.

You were right to kick him out. As long as he is carrying on an affair, does not tell you 100% of what has gone on in the affair, no longer works with her, and he agrees to do what is needed to repair the damage he has caused to your marriage.... he should not be allowed back into the house to live.

You need to put pressure on the affair. It might sound counter intuitive, but kicking him out puts pressure on the affair. The OW is now going to have to be responsible for meeting all of his emotional needs. That's not what she signed up for. She signed up for an affair, a situation where she is just playing around. Plus if you do this right, he will be paying you alimony and child support. So he's not going to have money to date. What's the fun in that for her?

Look for the link to the 180 in my signature block below and read it. That is how you need to be interacting with him for now... until he agrees to give up the affair and agrees to work his behind off to earn your trust and love back.

Another thing that sounds counter intuitive is that you need to see a lawyer and file for divorce. File to have him pay you interim alimony and child support. Interim alimony is what is paid during the divorce. He has to maintain health insurance for you and the children too. And tell your attorney that you want the divorce process to last until after your baby is born. A divorce can take a long time. You need that to get through this pregnancy and back on your feet.

And remember that a divorce can be stopped at any time up the minute that the judge signed the final decree. And there is re-marriage after divorce. So filing for divorce does not really mean that you are giving up or that all is lost. The reason for filing is that you need to be absolutely sure that you and your children are financially taken care of. And by having divorce ordered child support and alimony, it puts pressure on his affair making it so that he has little to no money to spend on this low life he is having an affair with.

If you will share which state you live in, I could look up some things so that you can find out your rights in divorce for your state.
 

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@Heav85

I agree with the others. The affair is a physical affair. Cheaters lie, they all lie. He's only telling you want he wants to. He's not going to tell you the entire truth. It does not fit his purpose to tell the truth.

He does not want a divorce for two reasons. One is that he likes the idea of having you on hold just in case his affair does not work out. You are his default fall back plan. And the other reason is that divorce means that he will have to pay you child support and some alimony at least until the divorce is finally, probably until some time after the baby is born if not longer.

You were right to kick him out. As long as he is carrying on an affair, does not tell you 100% of what has gone on in the affair, no longer works with her, and he agrees to do what is needed to repair the damage he has caused to your marriage.... he should not be allowed back into the house to live.

You need to put pressure on the affair. It might sound counter intuitive, but kicking him out puts pressure on the affair. The OW is now going to have to be responsible for meeting all of his emotional needs. That's not what she signed up for. She signed up for an affair, a situation where she is just playing around. Plus if you do this right, he will be paying you alimony and child support. So he's not going to have money to date. What's the fun in that for her?

Look for the link to the 180 in my signature block below and read it. That is how you need to be interacting with him for now... until he agrees to give up the affair and agrees to work his behind off to earn your trust and love back.

Another thing that sounds counter intuitive is that you need to see a lawyer and file for divorce. File to have him pay you interim alimony and child support. Interim alimony is what is paid during the divorce. He has to maintain health insurance for you and the children too. And tell your attorney that you want the divorce process to last until after your baby is born. A divorce can take a long time. You need that to get through this pregnancy and back on your feet.

And remember that a divorce can be stopped at any time up the minute that the judge signed the final decree. And there is re-marriage after divorce. So filing for divorce does not really mean that you are giving up or that all is lost. The reason for filing is that you need to be absolutely sure that you and your children are financially taken care of. And by having divorce ordered child support and alimony, it puts pressure on his affair making it so that he has little to no money to spend on this low life he is having an affair with.

If you will share which state you live in, I could look up some things so that you can find out your rights in divorce for your state.
:iagree::iagree::iagree: with all Elle has posted.

YOu also need to expose this affair ASAP. Tell all family, friends, colleagues. Do not hide it, exposure will soon burst their bubble. Lean on your family and friends for support. Ensure you have one or two siblings or friends you can turn to.
Do not engage with him at all, use email for everything. Let him feel what it is like to have you out of his life, that is why the 180 is so important.
You may also need to get tested for STDs as he is defintiely sleeping with her.
Ensure your lawyer garnishes his wages or whatever the law allows to ensure you are financially secure.

Do not think of taking back this man. Any WH who treats his wife like this when pregnant is the lowest of the low. I know you are pregnant and going through alot, but find your inner strenght and be prepared for a battle. He will want to have his cake and eat it, don't be that option.
 

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He doesn't want to divorce yet because a) he doesn't want to pay child support and b) he wants to keep you on the backburner just in case things don't work out with his new fling.

Oh, and hickies means sex.

Hell, an emotional affair with a co-worker means sex, hickies are just salt in the wound.

If she's married or has a boyfriend or fiancée, expose the affair to him.
 

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First off I would not base my strategy on him missing you. Does not sound that he loves you at all, just the kids. The reason he does not want to divorce is because the courts come down hard on husbands that leave their wives while they are pregnant. They will give you as much as they can. So he is being smart to wait until after the baby is born before he accepts a divorce. On the other hand, if he divorces now because you kicked him out and are the one pressing for divorce, aside from child support you are not going to do as well in the divorce settlement as you otherwise could. You are the bad guy now for wanting the divorce.

As for his girlfriend, my wife's best friend's ex, took up with a woman who was actively committing welfare fraud and was an ex con. No one really knows why we are attracted to certain people and not others. Genetically we are programmed to be attracted to someone who appears to have a good gene pool but after so much time, that skill seems to have been distorted. Do not try to understand why he is with her rather than you. Love blinds you to your partner's flaws and makes you want to be with them as much as possible and listen to anything they say. You cannot fight that.

You seem to think he will all of a sudden love you again. Love is a chemical reaction is our brains that cannot be thought into or out of existence. If you do not believe that, pick someone and try to make yourself love them. You either do or don't. Coming back to you because he misses you is not love. It is a dependency on you and the wrong reason to stay married. Many guys will stay married and use their wives as a security blanket in case things go wrong with the new girlfriend. He can then come home and start looking for another girlfriend. You say so yourself that he wants to stay married just in case.

Time to smell the coffee as they say. He views you as a security blanket in case he splits from his new girlfriend. You are hoping that he will miss you rather than love you again and are doing the worse thing you can do; kick out a husband while you are pregnant which will be twisted in court to show that you are attempting to keep him away from your new baby to bribe him to come back to you. You are in a really messed up situation and based on what you posted, you two should not be married.
 

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He plans on staying in his father's house until he gets outta jail in 2 months, yea I know.
I don't, can you clarify this statement with more specifics?

He doesnt want to get a divorce yet, he said he doesnt know why, just in case.
Because he wants to use you as plan B. A back up plan in case him and the sloot he's banging break up.

You don't need any help. He's already doing you a HUGE favor by leaving. This guy's a ****ing LOSER.
 

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Heav85

If you want to save your marriage then prepare yourself to lose your marriage. File for divorce, list adultery and OW as cause. Have him served at work, notify his HR at work if you want him to possibly be unemployed. Talk to a lawyer, find out how much alimony and child support you may get if you divorce. Expose to his parents, your parents, and OW husband or boyfriend if applicable. Start the 180 hard.

Do nothing for him and all for your children. Do not allow him back after he leaves until he meets your conditions to continue the marriage. Filing for divorce can be stopped at any time by you. If he doesn't want to divorce yet it's likely because he has doubts the affair will work out. Don't give him this option, pull the plug now to make him see what he is destroying.

Oh, and by the way, hickies means physical and it's gone way farther then just that.
 

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I don't, can you clarify this statement with more specifics?

His dad is in jail and gets out in 2 months. So he won't have a place to stay.


Because he wants to use you as plan B. A back up plan in case him and the sloot he's banging break up.



You don't need any help. He's already doing you a HUGE favor by leaving. This guy's a ****ing LOSER.
 
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