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My husband is lazy, shy or disgusted to have sex. Please help.

4704 Views 7 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Coffee Amore
We got married 2 years ago and it was an arranged marriage. I'm 28 years now and my husband is 37 years.
He's got problem with showing affection, intimacy and various other things. I knew he doesn't know how to show his feelings and to talk to me romantically. But I thought he will be alright. Actually the best word is he's like a robot. I'm not mad at him or anything. But I really can't understand what type of a person he is. He doesn't even know how to give an intimate kiss. :( ( I haven't told him about it, didn't wanna hurt him)
I really like to get a kiss from him but he doesn't feel like initiating anything and when I try to give him a kiss then he kiss me back and it's so rough. I think he doesn't have feelings.

I like to have sex with him and when I ask him he says ok and he lie on the bed lazily and I have to do everything. He likes when I touch him. But he has never touched my vagina or he's not bothered to look at it. but we make love and I really don't feel anything and it hurts because he doesn't want to think if I'm satisfied or not. and I have talked about these to him and he's trying to change but he just can't do it.

last week he said he's disgusted and that's why he can't touch it. I'm a clean person and I'm not ugly too. people say I'm very pretty. He has watched porn and he said he has stopped it now. He even said he doesn't understand how to have sex. But I said if you are watching porn then you can't say you don't know. (I didn't get angry and told him nicely). Then he said he doesn't feel like and feel shy. (He doesn't look at me when I'm naked even. He doesn't care).

It's so hard for me to bear all these things and sometimes I get angry. But I don't shout at him. and I stay quiet. He gets angry when I stay without talking to him. and he starts fighting with me. I feel really sad. A week ago we had a fight too and he said he wants to get a divorce if I can't live with him without fighting. I'm not purposely doing that. He said he wants to be happy and me to be happy. But he doesn't care about my feelings he just say that.

I loved him a lot and now I don't love him like before. Why is he doing like this? Can you all give your ideas please. I'm ok with anything, I just want to understand this.
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Because you said it was an arranged marriage, this may be bordering on cultural differences unbeknownst to the masses, including myself. Bt generally speaking, ill have to be blunt and say that your husband sounds like a selfish slob.

He likes to be touched but doesn't touch you? Then he shoud have went to a prostitute and stayed single.

Best of luck but it sounds like he needs to make some big changes for your relationship to contine. The question is if he is willing to do so.
Best of luck but it sounds like he needs to make some big changes for your relationship to contine. The question is if he is willing to do so.

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Also, if it is an arranged marriage, perhaps he's just not into it, or maybe he's inlove with someone else, or maybe he's gay.

It's hard to say because you didn't know him before the wedding and you really don't know him now.
Well the marriage may have been arranged but the law says you don't have to suffer being married to a selfish man.
Tell him that for the marriage to continue he needs to work with you in the bedroom to discover things that please you both. Be upfront about this. Don't be quiet about it. He needs to know that he has to step up his attention and care for you sexually.
Tell him you want open communication with him on an honest level.
Sometimes, men don't want to initiate sex because they feel that they are under pressure to perform. They feel that if their W is not having a screaming, ecstatic orgasm that will wake up the entire neighborhood, that they're doing something wrong, or that they "just don't have it".
Thank you all for your answers. I don't understand what kind of a person he is.
He doesn't want to be intimate with me. (Physically or emotionally)
He says he doesn't understand or he doesn't feel.

It's not only about sex. He got other problems too. I feel like I'm just a tenant paying his bills and make him happy..
If you love someone you do so many things to make your partner happy right?. (I mean not only sex)

I'm going to counseling and see. So I'm happy that I have tried almost everything.
So let's see if he's willing to change or not..
Were you both virgins when you got married?

What type of counseling are you going to?
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