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Discussion starter · #135 ·
I know I have fallen for his lies, but she is stupid as well! Things like "It wasn't a date babe, I just took her out because she is the mother of my children." IT IS CLEAR AS DAY THAT WE HAVE BEEN GOING ON DATES!

"I do think she is a great person, I do love her, I am just not in love with her and I appreciate her presence in our children lives as well as mine, so when I said she helped me find my purpose, she did, my children."THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT IS OFF A MOVIE!

She told him she was hurt by the post even though he explained it to her and hurt that he is taking me out. I AM HIS WIFE SHE IS NOTHING BUT A SEX TOY! HOW DARE SHE!
 
Discussion starter · #136 ·
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORST- he told me he has to work later today, he took me out last night but has a whole day planned out with her! What he doesn't know, I am going to change that! And who would want to go out with someone who just had a date with his wife????????!!!!
 
Discussion starter · #139 ·
Most of us here (if not all of us) know you are still being deceived but yet you do nothing. He will carry on seeing her until you act.
In your place I would give him the choice her or me and if he choose her then tell him to leave. You know what is going on, you have tons of proof and it's been three years. How long are you going to put up with his appalling behaviour?
I really did and still think he is lying to her and she is temporary. Look at the things he is telling her, "it is not a date" clearly we went out on a date.

I may sound crazy and this may be my denial showing but he is going out on dates with me, telling her they are not dates and comes home. I am still disgusted. I don't understand why he would want to do this to someone that he loves.
 
Discussion starter · #152 ·
He’s lying to both of you. He is doing just what we’ve told you. He has a woman that is a great wife, but you’re not enough. He wants two women to have sex with, talk to, tell him he’s such a great guy, etc etc. who wouldn’t want that? He’s going to keep this going as long as he can. He thinks If his AP ears him out or leaves him, he will just get you to take him back because he’s so awesome.

The truth is that you should divorce him, get a shark lawyer and take him for all he’s worth. Abd the AP deserves what she gets because she’s immoral enough and stupid enough to be with a married man.

Knock his ass off the pedestal you have him on in your mind and send him packing. He does not love you, as you can see.

And btw, I’m very sorry. I know you’re hurting. But surely you see that he’s a bad person who is using you. You sound like a wonderful woman. Divorce him and find a man that values your loyalty as he should.
Thank you.
 
Discussion starter · #153 ·
You need to start believing what he says to her. It's sad how deluded you are, really sad. It's been three years, three years.
It's hard to believe that someone could be so naive and still be waiting and hoping that he will stop the affair after this long.
How can you live with his lies and deception day after day? With a man who lies to you deceives you and betrays you? I just don't get it.
Thank you. Yes I do think 3 years is nothing compared to our history. We have a very detailed history so three years I was hoping was extremely temporary seeing that he still chose to be here with our family. I didn't think I was being naive, I was just looking at my husband every night still choose to come home to me.

Reading those last messages was very hurtful and I am still having anxiety on bringing this up. Our families would be crushed. Our children would be crushed. I am crushed. After years in our teenage years he finally chose me, I had been waiting and he chose me and we got pregnant and not on purpose. We have been in each other lives, half of our lives.
 
Discussion starter · #154 ·
1. You have taken screenshots of these chats?

2. You have saved these screenshots in a USB drive?

Do the above on priority basis.

Remove these screenshots from the smartphone of your husband after storing them in a USB drive. He should NOT know (that you know) before you decide to confront him.

Even if he suspects something, you do the above on priority basis.

3. Is the Other Woman (OW) married?

4. Do you have her contact information, and know where she works and/or where she lives?
I do have some screenshots of some of these text messages. I have not saved them on a USB drive.

She is not married. She has children from a previous long term relationship. I never went under her number to see and I know she owns a business, I think a restaurant.
 
Discussion starter · #155 ·
I think your husband is being truthful in his way. He likely is grateful to you as the mother of his children. And perhaps he loves you in a companionate, platonic way. as you yourself have said, you do not have sex with your husband and, in fact, you've said you prefer it this way. In contrast, what he feels for Amanda is romantic love, complete with sexual desire.

Amanda is pretty accurate in her assessment of you. It's time for you to face up to the reality that has been in front of you for pretty much your entire marriage. Recall that your husband married you only because you were pregnant, that he has had other affairs, that he's tried to extricate himself from you in the past. What keeps him in your home is not his love for you but his desire to be a full-time dad to his boys.



It's good to see you getting angry but your anger is misplaced. You should be angry with your husband!

FTR, I would not call your outings "dates," either. A date has a romantic component and that appears to be lacking in your interactions with your husband. I think he is being honest when he tells Amanda that these are not dates. Rather, they are appeasements. Your husband has figured out how easy it is to throw you off his trail. Look at how elated you were when he threw together a post on social media!



Yes, you are in denial. Many years worth of denial. When are you going to start prioritizing your own well-being? Or is your plan to wear blinders until the inevitable day when your husband announces that he is leaving for good? It sounds as though Amanda is close to the end of her rope, so it seems that day may be coming sooner rather than later.
My husband has never told me he married me because I was pregnant. But he did tell her that was a driving force. I did sweep that under the rugh thinking he was lying to her to make it "look good".

No I do not have sex with him. I don't get why there is such a huge concentration on sex. We are married. He didnt marry me for the sex so why would that dictate the kind of love he has for me?

Yes I am very angry and I am mad at him!

I can;t beleive he even takes the time to EXPLAIN anything to her. He doesn't owe her ANYTHING!

Thank you.
 
Discussion starter · #156 ·
Uh, because he's having an AFFAIR with her that consists of physical and emotional intimacy. Make a sincere attempt to find your dignity and self-respect and quit believing that these "dates" he takes you on are going to be enough to sustain your marriage.



I can't figure out if this story you're telling us is a load of crap or if you are actually this delusional and (sorry to say) stupid. Basically, what he's telling her is that you're the mother of his children and he feels obligated to toss you a bone of kindness every now and then.

HE'S A CAKE EATER. He gets his ego stroked (as well as other parts of his body) by two women. He can apparently keep you dangling by taking you out on a "date." Heck, he doesn't even have to bother having sex with you as long as he tosses a pork chop, a side salad, and maybe even a slab of apple pie in your direction.

Again, I have serious doubts that this entire story is real, but if it is, then all I can tell you is you need to get off social media and find a REAL life. And I'd consider ditching the counselor. Doesn't sound like he/she is exactly doing a bang-up job, considering that you're living with - and apparently staying with - a man who has no respect whatsoever for you. SMH
Unfortunately, this is my life. I don't understand why anyone would think this would be made up or crap. Like I posted, in our teenage years I waited for this man to choose me and he finally did. Yes I got pregnant early but he chose me before the pregnancy. We were dating. We have been together since and to break up our home over b/s is a bit difficult for me.Our families, friends, everyone, our children! Half of our lives over a couple of years! This is hard!
 
Discussion starter · #176 ·
It is serious. You are on here asking a bunch of strangers for their opinions. Logic is logic. Your logic is on point that’s why you are confused. If he were doing right by you, you would not be here asking and you would not be confused. In addition to his cheating Do not cheat your self by justifying his actions. Let him know you know. At least he will know you are not a fool. I snoop around too bc you know he isn’t right. I hope you do what’s right. You deserve to know the truth and so does your family. I can handle truth I just can’t handle lies.
Thank you for your POV.
 
Discussion starter · #177 ·
I am only responding to this as I have not the time to read all your posts ,
first from I SEE in the first post that is quite old now , your husband has a mistress ,
I am not or going to try not judge you on this if your happy with it that is fine with me , I would love to know more about why you are here are you happy or are you looking for us to tell you that your right to think this is ok or do you want us to tell you it is not ,
I have know women that have lived your life most have not been happy and did it for the reason of minding the kids and keeping a roof over their head I know of two men that except the wife going out and having affairs
one of them said he just wants his wife to enjoy the most out of life , and the type sex she has with the other man is something he could not give her ,

I think this topic will be interesting to read as I can only imagine the response you have taken in 9 pages and still come back for more ,
I came here as well as on multiple sites to gain insight and I suppose to vent.I have not and still have not shared with my close family and friends. I am back to update which most will probably ostracize me.
 
Discussion starter · #178 ·
I know most of you think I am stupid. I tried to confront my husband and our youngest came in to play games with dad. It was the only time I had the courage to do so. This summer has been full of family activities, and its been busy. We have had many of family to visit us these summer months and there was never a right time. I have planned a couple of date nights and we went out without a hitch. He truly doesn't complain about these dates at all. He goes and he has a good time. I have been trying to get us to have more alone time.

One of our outings, when I looked at his phone the. following day, he had "warned" her we were going out and told her that I had planned everything. (I don't understand why that is any of her business what I plan). She told him that if thats what he wanted to do,then do it and he sent her two pages of text messages telling her how that is not what he wants to do, told her again he loved me due to our history but was in love with her and how they talk all the time and how she is his best friend and motivates him. Told her "this is not sugar, it is salt" and "her and I get along, she is family and I consider her a friend and I will always love her but if I was in love with her, I would have never fallen in love with you, she tries to do dates but its not a date to me" THAT SOUNDS LIKE HORSECRAP if you ask me. He is still on this crap!

I do believe I am building the courage to confront him because it is time, he needs to focus on the things that matters and that is me and our boys.
 
Discussion starter · #190 ·
So I am right that your husband has a Mistress
But your are not ok with it as that is where the name has come from ,
You are putting off talking to him because you feel he might pick her over you ,

Most husbands THAT cheat pick the wife and stay with the family ,
most wifes that cheat leave the husband in the end
As much as 74 % of women forgive their husband for Cheating
Only 38% of men forgive a cheating wife

Now do you want him back ?
WHEN YOU ARE READY to talk about this your going to have to cross the bridge one day
and there is going to be a cost ,
Are you going to go into MC with him ,

now I AM going to tell you how this man thinks ,

he is letting you see his phone to show you he has a sex friend , he is all so telling her he is staying with you because you have history and your the mother of his children and for the children , he is telling her when they have sex that it is 4 or 5 years since the two of you have sex , he does this so he can get her to feel good and feel sorry for him "Poor man in a sexless marriage" now make love to me
he is manipulating her as well as Cheating on you ,
If YOU WANT TO STOP THIS why did you not send her a text on his phone let her know she is playing with your husband , letting her know your not taking it lying down
letting her know it is you or her but not the two of you , or tell her you can have him for sex but I WANT HIM FOR family gatherings , you know he is cheating and you are telling yourself you have too much going on all summer to stop it ,

YOU sleep beside him in bed and you don't think of saying by the way I found you love note to Molly ,
the one where you said you are staying with me but you want to f her as well ,

what is stopping you only you think he is gone but he is all ready gone,
did you have sex after you read the note to Molly ?
Was it good knowing that P was in Molly many times and that while her was having sex with you he wanted to be Making Love To Molly ,
Thank you for your response. I am not ok with it but I am terrified to say anything. Our family is the best. My husband and I have sons and we have been together since teenage years.

I don't really have sex, it is really once in a blue moon. Sex is nothing like conversation, and talking with your partner. Still learning them. Thats why I figure she is temporary because all they have is sex and the business they are running together.
 
Discussion starter · #191 ·
Physically he may be there.... mentally he's been gone.

Start looking out for the wellbeing of yourself and your children... He's planning a life with someone else right in front of your face and you still refuse to see it. I have a friend that projects happy family on FB as well... but when we talk privately, he's already planning his future OUT of the marriage. He's just buying his time.
Thank you. The only reason why I do know is due to me looking at his phone, which sometimes I regret. So your friend is staying in his marriage buying time ? To me that seems like he still cares enough to stay in the marriage.
 
Discussion starter · #208 ·
It's going to cost him massively if he does it abruptly... So he's getting his ducks in a row now.

You're married, don't play second best where YOU should be FIRST! That isn't love, that isn't a marriage.. I'm divorced now, it wasn't pleasant at all. I stayed because I had nowhere to go and by the grace of God, after everything.. I am doing just fine today. I have a boyfriend who adores me, but I tell you what.. The moment I even suspect something is going on like your situation, I am NOT staying. I love myself too much now to ever put myself second and beg someone to be with me.
Thank you
 
Discussion starter · #209 ·
She has deluded herself into believe that SHE is first and the OW is second. This woman is totally delusional due to fear. She has to try to convince herself of an alternate reality.
I don’t think you understand that she doesn’t get family outings, vacations, the things that matter..I suppose this is why I consider myself first. I hate this too because I should be first and only.
 
Discussion starter · #210 ·
I can understand how you feel you world fell apart the moment you opened that phone and confirmed what you suspected was going on , your so afraid you wish you could wind back the time and forget it thinking in what many call living in the living dead , in other words head in sand not knowing is better than knowing but it is sadly not true , no one wants to live knowing they are been lied to all the time

yes you have become mother you not MRS Harry or Shelia any more just mother the one that runs the boys to football , takes them to the Dr, dentist and goes to the mall to shop when they are at school , have dinner ready when they get home and cheating Harry gets home as well, when you place that dinner before cheating Harry part of you hopes he chocks on it

well I love to have a woman that I can do both with you hope Harry is doing one with you and the other with MOLLY , but he has told Molly she is the one he LOVES


I thought that until I got the the end

but sex is important in a health relationship it is what binds two people together , the problem for people that have friends with benefits or f buddies is the sex plays with their heads and one starts to get feelings

this is the worst part this is what made me stop and think , now Shelia I first thought Harry was just using a younger girl at the office to replace what he was not getting at home , but if Molly is helping him run the BUSINESS together , she has replaced you in more ways than you think , I thought it was just a case of he having sex on the office desk with Molly but if she has that important a roll in the Business you days are numbered ,

Harry and Molly are not only working together but they are planning how to divorce you hide the money and keep the most they can for themselves , She has him by the hasp of his pants, and it is Molly that is going to make the deal here MOLLY wants to be more than the Mistress

Shelia Today your the first wife, Molly wants to be the last wife, watch if Molly is ever around the boys see how she wants to get close to them to make her look better than you

Molly is the one in the driving seat it is why Harry left the phone for you to find he wants you to be the one to kick him out , it is his way of given you the best goodbye he thinks he can before Molly does it

I have know women like Molly that pushed the cheating to having sex in a place that the wife would find out , and in the end the cheating husband ended up with no woman
I really do wish I could turn back the hands of time.
My husband is great with our children. He picks them up from school, takes them to their appointments, transports them to sports practices, takes them shopping ( I take them shopping sometimes but he mostly does it and I’ll tag along to be a family!) and due to my work schedule, he usually feeds the kids, about time I get home they are off at one of their practices.

From what I gather, we are all the same age, entering our fourth decade. I’ve seen messages of theirs saying “they fell in real love in their late thirties finally with the right one” bunch of bull crap! He has always called our love true!

They did not work together. She works somewhere, he works elsewhere and they decided to open up a side business together. 2 from what I know. These are only side businesses.
 
Discussion starter · #239 ·
So he’s your nanny and nanny has a lover. That’s what this is. This is a farce of a marriage. He doesn’t love you. How do you not see that? Social media is ****. It’s all lies. You are a laughing stock
He has told her he loves me. I know I’m redundant when i say this but how is social media a lie when it’s events that are actually happening. We are not creating events because of social media. The events happen and we post as the events are happening. How are those a lie?
I understand that my husband has done the unthinkable and I am not shying away from this it’s just really hard to confront him and everyday I try to get the courage. Family events, our sons sports, so many things happening and if I bring this up, our children would be affected
 
Discussion starter · #241 ·
god Harry is a super Daddy he takes them every where does Molly help him feeding the boys , and tuck them into bed read a story and help them say their prayers ,
EVERY kid needs a Super DADDY LIKE Harry does he take them to church as well,
he even got them a second Mammy just in case , all kids now need two,HAVING one is just old fashioned , and when Molly has one or two boys you can give her what your boys had when they were small save the cost of buying more ,
you could even offer to baby sit for her when she is out to dinner with Harry.

It will not be long now when your oldest son can go work with them in the 2 side businesses. that happen to be in Molly's name .
I have seen messages where she has talked about her tubes being tied because she didn’t want any more children and him discussing with her how he wants to get a vasectomy. He has talked to me briefly about years ago but they talk about it and joke about it and how they really don’t want any more children.
 
Discussion starter · #242 ·
What you are actually saying here is that you fear the thought of facing your issues and possibly have to address some things in your marriage more than you fear him being involved with someone else.

You are saying you would rather he continue to live this double life with her rather that you address your issues and change anything in your life.

You are choosing the facade of a happy family life with picnics and trips to Grandma's house over your husband's fidelity.

You would rather continue on with the status quo of him with another woman rather than the disruption addressing it would cause to your regular daily life.

And finally, you would rather he have a love and sex life with someone else, rather than address your own sexual issues.

This is why he has a love and sex life with someone else.
I am truly terrified, our children, etc. I love my husband and I do know he loves me, he has told her the same. I always go back to her time doesn’t mean anything over our time together and I really just wish she would leave us alone!
 
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