[husbandcheating22]

Then why aren’t you jealous? You should be. You need to decide whether to continue putting up with it, or confronting him. It’s not easy, but for your own sake you need to get off the fence and take action either way. Otherwise things won’t change.

Honestly I guess I am jealous in a way. I don’t want him to even be in this with her. I do put a lot of emphasis of my husband still choosing to be with me everyday. While I may not see my husband while we are at our perspective jobs, when we are at home, he is with me and our family, so I guess I conclude, this is the important piece.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Whoa…..I’ve always said the most unhappy couples post everything on social media proclaiming how much they love each other. He is only posting you on social media so he doesn’t raise any red flags with you. His affair is NOT temporary. You don’t tell a temporary person you love them, have to see them before a couple of days for vacation, nor do you hide them if it isn’t something that is wrong. You’re in denial. He probably doesn’t want to pay child support for 3 kids so he stays where he is. I would tell him you know what he has been doing and see how much he will tell you. Do not tell him how you found it. Tell him you have a private investigator and see what he does. He doesn’t need to know that you don’t.

Thank you. I’ve read many posts from other women where they say they’ve been told the same thing”I love you” and everyone always says “he doesn’t love you”

 

[husbandcheating22]

I am so sorry, but....your good friend is right. Maybe there was more than the children, but this is not a fling, this is a parallel relationship. He may actually feel more married to her than you. Aside from the children and your fun times, it sounds like he shares the serious parts of his life, including the romance and sex, probably with her. I would not live like this if I were you. I would see a divorce attorney to understand your rights - you don't have to file right now or at all but you DO have to protect yourself and your children.

Do you really want to share your husband with another woman like this in what really is a second marriage to him? It's like he has 2 wives.

Hello. Thank you. I do not want my husband to still have this woman around. It bothers me and I try to look at his phone every chance I get. It’s becoming an addiction for me. Yes we have fun times, we have known each other for a very long time.

 

[husbandcheating22]

OP....I know this is very hard for you and probably quite traumatic even thinking about this with small children but .....this can't continue. He has what amounts to a marriage....and one that aside from the kids might seem more real or more serious to him than yours is. You really do have to remove the blindfold and look at this for what it is as frightening as that may be. That is why you really need to talk to a divorce attorney as soon as possible. Not only to find out about rights, but you need to talk about this to someone in person and that is a place where I would start. Believe me, they've heard everything and most of them have pretty good judgment. You need assistance in navigating through this. Do you have family you can rely on? Don't tell them before you see an attorney - that really should be your first step. It sounds like your good friend has her head on straight and she is telling you the real truth - listen to her. Let her listen to you. This is where so many of us start out....finding out and going into what amounts to shock and denial. But you can't stay in this place, for yourself and the kids. You have to protect yourself. What your husband has done is absolutely terrible. Terrible. Just terrible. If he was unhappy in his marriage with you or feeling unfulfilled or trapped or whatever.....it was absolutely his responsibility to discuss this with you, and either try to improve it.....or work out a divorce with you. Having a second wife is A COMPLETELY TERRIBLE AND UNACCEPTABLE THING TO DO.

I have family but our families are so intertwined and my friends are his friends wives and girlfriends. I have one really good friend and my cousin who is as a sister that I talk to.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Unfortunately I agree with this. His life with OP, as sweet as she sounds, seems to be solely about the kids. He loves the other woman. She needs to understand this. That doesn't mean he hates you OP, or even that he necessarily wants a divorce because....obviously he's worked out this arrangement and for some reason I can't fathom, she's stupid enough to go along with it.

I haven't read the whole thread, I'm sorry, I just your situation was a new thread and just jumped in. You may have answered some of my questions already.

DO YOU KNOW IF HE GIVES HER MONEY?
DO YOU KNOW IF SHE'S MARRIED OR WITH SOMEONE ELSE?
DO THEY WORK TOGETHER OR HOW DOES SHE SUPPORT HERSELF?
DOES SHE HAVE KIDS?

As terrible a thing as he's done, and it IS terrible, it sounds like he hasn't been hiding it very well....if at all. Just maybe from OP who probably could never imagine anything like this and has really intepreted it way too mildly. I know I'd be in shock if I discovered this.

From what I’ve read, I haven’t seen any text asking him to divorce me but he always tells her that their circumstances won’t be this always and that he will figure things out. I’ve never seen her ask him to do anything, she always boasts how she wants him to make decisions for himself. She has no regard for his family at all.

 

[husbandcheating22]

That is absolutely horrifying. I'm sorry but OP.....your husband is no damn good. I don't care how he treats you or the kids....this man is....no damn good. It's bad enough doing this to you....but to involve any of this children in this is.....simply disgusting.

I couldn’t get any more information out of the text but from what I was reading she has talked to him on the phone or he calls her when when my husband and our son are out together without me. For the most part we go everything as a family unit but sometimes they share their own outings.

 

[Prodigal]

Believe it or not, your husband is with you because the children are still at home. Based on your level of delusion, when he actually leaves - and he WILL - you're going to have a hard crash into reality.

Your husband likes sex. He is enjoying sex with the OW. So you can keep believing that a sexually dead marriage is going to keep him around when the kids leave home. IT WILL NOT.

 

[husbandcheating22]

We also have to be aware that maybe what she has is all OP really wants out of a marriage. She has to be clear about that for herself. If she just wants someone to give her children, take care of them and pay all the bills and show up occasionally for special events or give her birthday cards or some bull sh*t like that, that may be all she really wants. My mind is blown.

My husband and I have been together since teenagers. I just want our love story. We’ve built something special.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Looking back on your thread, this popped out to me. He takes the family out on your anniversary, not you alone, but the whole family. He sees your marriage in the context of family, which is why he is still with you. Where was he on Valentine's Day? Did you see the texts between them regarding Valentine's Day? Did he do anything with you alone?

We didn’t go out on Valentine’s Day, but he was at home with me after we got off work. He bought me a gift and my favorite cake. We watched a movie snd I gave him his card and gifts.
I will be transparent in I did see a text from him telling her he was on his way to her house. I suppose he saw her.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Looking back on your thread, this popped out to me. He takes the family out on your anniversary, not you alone, but the whole family. He sees your marriage in the context of family, which is why he is still with you. Where was he on Valentine's Day? Did you see the texts between them regarding Valentine's Day? Did he do anything with you alone?

We have done things with just the two of us, I try to make date nights and he goes with no fuss.

 

[Cynthia]

We have done things with just the two of us, I try to make date nights and he goes with no fuss.

Clearly he likes you. He does consider you and I doubt he wants to hurt you. However, he is planning to leave you for the other woman, and if you don't do anything to change the way things are, he will eventually leave you for her.
I'm sorry this is happening. I know it's so hurtful that it's hard to wrap your mind around it. Based on his dedication to the family and the fact that he enjoys spending time with you, I think you could turn this around by reigniting a sexual relationship with your husband. You might want to see a sex therapist for help in this area.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Looking back on your thread, this popped out to me. He takes the family out on your anniversary, not you alone, but the whole family. He sees your marriage in the context of family, which is why he is still with you. Where was he on Valentine's Day? Did you see the texts between them regarding Valentine's Day? Did he do anything with you alone?

We do most things as a family yes but we do have multiple children. He takes his fatherhood very seriously snd he spends most of his time with our children.
My husband and I have known each other for a very long time, so us spending time together by ourselves while not often, we do it, I try to keep those going. Is there physical? No but we share in conversation and laughs. We are friends. I won’t take that away from us. That’s why it’s funny to me when I see texts of them calling each other best friends.

 

[1Autumn72]

We do most things as a family yes but we do have multiple children. He takes his fatherhood very seriously snd he spends most of his time with our children.
My husband and I have known each other for a very long time, so us spending time together by ourselves while not often, we do it, I try to keep those going. Is there physical? No but we share in conversation and laughs. We are friends. I won’t take that away from us. That’s why it’s funny to me when I see texts of them calling each other best friends.

Note you didn’t even say “We are best friends”. Them calling each other best friends shouldn’t be funny to you at all.

As for fatherhood…if there weren’t kids involved, would he still be with you? If you aren’t his best friend and there’s no sex, why would he stay? Can you honestly say he’s choosing you over her?

 

[BigDaddyNY]

Hello. Thank you. I do not want my husband to still have this woman around. It bothers me and I try to look at his phone every chance I get. It’s becoming an addiction for me. Yes we have fun times, we have known each other for a very long time.

Your husband seems to not care about protecting his phone from you. Most cheaters guard it like a hawk. It also sounds like he doesn't delete messages, again, not typical cheater behavior. That tells me he is very bold and doesn't care if you find out about the OW or he knows you are already know. You said it yourself, you are checking it like an addiction. Are you sure he doesn't know you are aware of the OW?

Also, to add to the question from @1Autumn72 Can you honestly say he is choosing you over her, or is he choosing his children over her?

 

[Teacherwifemom]

My husband and I have been together since teenagers. I just want our love story. We’ve built something special.

Delicately, this is where you are appearing delusional. People who have built something special, where they both feel that way, aren’t living parallel lives for years, cheating, lying…look at the people here who are happily married, who cherish their wives. They are not carrying on very detailed affairs. Because they love and cherish their wives. Why do you think he’s involved in this long term love affair if you honestly believe he’s so devoted to you? Why haven’t you told him that you know? I’m genuinely curious? 3 years? Is it because you are afraid that if you rock the boat he will leave sooner? Because he is leaving, eventually. How can you even forgive this level of deceit? Not that he’s asking.

I met a guy years ago at a function, in my early 20’s, and come to find out he had a wife and 2 kids, and and a girlfriend that he had a daughter with. This fascinated me. I never even knew anyone that was divorced. He literally went out publicly with both of his families, and the wife just pretended it wasn’t a thing. Literally everyone in their circle knew. Everyone in town knew. Decades. Probably still. I would very much doubt that people in your circle don’t know.

 

[Iced_Over_84]

My husband and I have been together since teenagers. I just want our love story. We’ve built something special.

I can assure you, you haven't built something special. Nothing is special. Everything is fragile and could come crashing down at any time. I'm sorry I was so brutal in my last response to you, but you seem to have a really, really thick layer of denial surrounding your thought process and nothing seems to be getting through it.

I propose moving her into your house. It'll be a lot less complicated.

 

[Evinrude58]

OP,
If your husband divorced you, would you have sex with a new man you dated?
Or are you totally against having sex with anyone?

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

I can assure you, you haven't built something special. Nothing is special. Everything is fragile and could come crashing down at any time. I'm sorry I was so brutal in my last response to you, but you seem to have a really, really thick layer of denial surrounding your thought process and nothing seems to be getting through it.

I propose moving her into your house. It'll be a lot less complicated.

Can't ruin a good story with logic!

 

[acrossthepond01]

We do most things as a family yes but we do have multiple children. He takes his fatherhood very seriously snd he spends most of his time with our children.
My husband and I have known each other for a very long time, so us spending time together by ourselves while not often, we do it, I try to keep those going. Is there physical? No but we share in conversation and laughs. We are friends. I won’t take that away from us. That’s why it’s funny to me when I see texts of them calling each other best friends.

Husbandcheating22,

What is your definition of a friend, or a best friend?
If your husband is a TRUE friend of yours, how come you haven't talked to him about his affair yet? Isn't it true that friends can share anything with each other? Openly and honestly?

Would you say that true friends lie to each other and keep things from each other?

Not according to my definition of a friend .. if I find out a friend of mine is lying to me and hiding things from me, I would confront them about it and probably end the friendship.

 

[Tron]

My husband and I have been together since teenagers. I just want our love story. We’ve built something special.

This is delusional thinking.

If it was so special and such a beautiful love story he would not have a 2nd "wife".

We didn’t go out on Valentine’s Day, but he was at home with me after we got off work. He bought me a gift and my favorite cake. We watched a movie snd I gave him his card and gifts.
I will be transparent in I did see a text from him telling her he was on his way to her house. I suppose he saw her.

He didn't "see" her. They were making passionate love. Being intimate. You watched a movie.