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my husband is cheating but it cant be serious because he always post me on social media right?

27063 Views 616 Replies 65 Participants Last post by  CrAzYdOgLaDy
My husband and I met in high school, we were together and then broke up and got back together, I got pregnant at 18 and he decided he wanted to always be around his child everyday and that we were going to be a family. We got married when our child turned 2. We have been married now for over a decade and I thought we were happy. We have had hiccups and honestly while we are great friends, I do feel that we are very different romantically but nothing our marriage can't fix to me. I found out he has been seeing a woman for 3 years. I have read some text messages to her and they are really really involved. He asks her opinion a lot about life matters, work matters, and from the looks of it, they started a secret business together! They even have a realtor to purchase property! My husband and I hardly have sex, and awhile ago in an argument he told me had checked out years ago but that to me is anger talking and we do have three beautiful children and he is such a great father! Ever so often, we do engage in physical intimacy and he still attends our family gatherings, outings with kids, family vacations, and even proclaims me on social media outlets knowing I love to share our relationship with our friends and family. He always makes it a point to post me on special occasions which to me always says "we are OK". I love to share this on my social media. He does all of these things which to me, I know this affair is temporary. He is very present!

My good friend tells me, he settled for me because of the children, he's obligated to me and if he has been with this woman for 3 years and counting, its not a fling but I just don't believe that! I guess here I am seeking any advice and if you think this 3-year relationship is real or not and how should I proceed. I do not want to ruffle any feathers because I do think this is temporary because of him being present and doesn’t miss a beat but it is very off-putting to know he is making money with this woman, she is in his personal life, I saw she helped him make multiple appointments, he goes to her for advice about everyday matters, he even shares things with her about our children! They are too intertwined to me but how intertwined could they be if he is still present with our family.

Just this past weekend, our oldest graduated and we are taking a "graduation vacation" until Thursday he has really posted me this weekend. I love when he does that. But when I looked into his phone, I saw that he made sure to see her before we left on our vacation. and he explained to her all of the activities we had planned this weekend with OUR family. He also told her he is excited to go because it is fun for our children. He told her he loved her and couldn't wait to be back from vacation to see her. I am so confused because he again has posted me all weekend, and it really makes my heart soar. What do you all think? I need all the raw advice and experience.
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He gets to be a respectable family man with you, and then he gets to have a passionate relationship with her. Why would he leave you when he can be the loving husband/father one day, then have his forbidden relationship the next day because he can, and so far in his mind, no one is the wiser. He's got the best situation in the world right now, and wife who really doesn't seem to mind it, do you blame him?
I do mind it, I really just want things to play out. I see their texts conversations and he tells her he loves her and wants her and all I think is how stupid can she be because if he loved her he would be with her and I am hoping she makes an exit. It's hurtful.
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You are projecting your feelings onto him. Denial is only a temporary comfort zone.
I love him so he has to love me too. Nope. His actions tell you everything you need to know.
Get to a good attorney and see what your rights are. They are plotting against you and will Leave you high and dry. You need to wake up to reality NOW!
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I do mind it, I really just want things to play out. I see their texts conversations and he tells her he loves her and wants her and all I think is how stupid can she be because if he loved her he would be with her and I am hoping she makes an exit. It's hurtful.
He doesn't love her, he's using her for sex. She's probably a naive woman who actually thinks he's going to leave his wife and family for her, just like you think he's going to cancel the all you can bang no consequences buffet bc he'll suddenly find his conscience. Your husband is a user, he's not a good person.
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I do mind it, I really just want things to play out. I see their texts conversations and he tells her he loves her and wants her and all I think is how stupid can she be because if he loved her he would be with her and I am hoping she makes an exit. It's hurtful.
Nope. They are biding their time and planning against you.
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Envious because we have known each other since teenagers and we are still together. We have a beautiful family and he's a great father.
As long as you don't mind him being a horrendous husband then it's all good.
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You are projecting your feelings onto him. Denial is only a temporary comfort zone.
I love him so he has to love me too. Nope. His actions tell you everything you need to know.
Get to a good attorney and see what your rights are. They are plotting against you and will Leave you high and dry. You need to wake up to reality NOW!
Thank you Marc878. Isnt there an old saying such as "if a man wants to leave he will go"...he is still here. He just walked in here to tell my brother was leaving to go to the store and did I need anything, very present with our life.On vacation, his communication with her has been minimal, but mine has not. I just am all over the place with my thoughts
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You’d better get tested for STDs. He’s probably not faithful to his girlfriend either.
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Thank you Marc878. Isnt there an old saying such as "if a man wants to leave he will go"...he is still here. He just walked in here to tell my brother was leaving to go to the store and did I need anything, very present with our life.On vacation, his communication with her has been minimal, but mine has not. I just am all over the place with my thoughts
He is present for his children. Not for you. Your kids are growing up and he’s planning a life without you. Please, please protect yourself. Get a job, get a savings account, get a credit card in your name to build credit. And again, get tested for STDs. They are very dangerous not treated.
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He doesn't love her, he's using her for sex. She's probably a naive woman who actually thinks he's going to leave his wife and family for her, just like you think he's going to cancel the all you can bang no consequences buffet bc he'll suddenly find his conscience. Your husband is a user, he's not a good person.
Using her for sex, this is what I told my friend and she told me I was delusional. So you agree! The reason she says its not for sex, is because he shares all the intimate details about his life to her, including bank statements he has sent to her, helping him with investments, job related things, helping our sons with things, she even opened each and every one of them a bank account when she opened up her two childrens accounts. She is too hands on to me but that to me is because like you said, she thinks he is going to leave me for her! I am his life and I really wish she would move on!

" Your husband is a user, he's not a good person." This is a hard thing to see.
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Unfortunately, you're not ''his life.'' He sounds like he's leading two lives, to be honest. Please protect yourself, seek legal counsel and don't stay in denial. Sounds like it's way more than sex...like he's literally living two separate lives, even if the actual time he spends with you is more, he's still devoting a lot of attention to her. You deserve much better. :(
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Using her for sex, this is what I told my friend and she told me I was delusional. So you agree! The reason she says its not for sex, is because he shares all the intimate details about his life to her, including bank statements he has sent to her, helping him with investments, job related things, helping our sons with things, she even opened each and every one of them a bank account when she opened up her two childrens accounts. She is too hands on to me but that to me is because like you said, she thinks he is going to leave me for her! I am his life and I really wish she would move on!

" Your husband is a user, he's not a good person." This is a hard thing to see.
How is it hard to see??? He's using her for sex, he's keeping her and her vagina in the picture by telling her he loves her, even though he probably has no real intention of starting a life with her, meanwhile he's married to you at the moment. You are not his life, you are his comfort zone. Your husband is a scumbag of epic proportions. He's not not going to leave you for her, he's staying with you bc it's easier and cheaper, and he gets to have all the side sex he wants.
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Nope. They are biding their time and planning against you.
This is alarming
They also have matching tattoos that i had no clue about because I do not look at the physical outside of his face as such.
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Using her for sex, this is what I told my friend and she told me I was delusional. So you agree! The reason she says its not for sex, is because he shares all the intimate details about his life to her, including bank statements he has sent to her, helping him with investments, job related things, helping our sons with things, she even opened each and every one of them a bank account when she opened up her two childrens accounts. She is too hands on to me but that to me is because like you said, she thinks he is going to leave me for her! I am his life and I really wish she would move on!

" Your husband is a user, he's not a good person." This is a hard thing to see.
Hi Husbandcheating22, I remember you from another site last year. Wow, same stuff, sorry this is still an unresolved issue.
I think you managed to get to over 100 pages on the other site. Any way, same advice.
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He is present for his children. Not for you. Your kids are growing up and he’s planning a life without you. Please, please protect yourself. Get a job, get a savings account, get a credit card in your name to build credit. And again, get tested for STDs. They are very dangerous not treated.
Thank you TexasMom1216 for your response. "Being present for the children" seems to be the theme, but what do I have to do with the children. Being present for the children doesnt make him take me out for my birthday or special occasions or posting me on social media with love emotions isn't being "present for our sons" can this be explained?

I do have a job but he does make more money than I do.
Hi Husbandcheating22, I remember you from another site last year. Wow, same stuff, sorry this is still an unresolved issue.
I think you managed to get to over 100 pages on the other site. Any way, same advice.
i did post on another site but there is so many things that have been happening! On my end, thinking they were positive but I guess I am still in a state of "denial"
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You say your husband has been having this affair for three years.

Then you say it's "temporary" and think he'll come to his senses.

My definition of "temporary" is vastly different than yours. If my husband had been putting his penis in another woman's vagina for three years, I'd say it's more of a permanent situation.

Denial. It's a powerful force.

Oh, and for your edification - - your husband is the classic example of a CAKE EATER.
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Am I that crazy? I thought that us going out as a family celebrates our years of marriage and allows our children to see real love.
You are not crazy. Your idea that by taking your children with you it shows them a good example of love is good. But he should also be taking you out on dates. And your anniversary is one of the most important dates you two should be celebrating, just the two of you.

How much time do the two of you spend together doing date-like things, just the two of you without the children? What sorts of things do you two do together?
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We have 3 children, 18, 14, 9.

I have read that the business is in her name only and the real estate will be in her name only as well. I have read so many texts between the two. He asks her for advice about his job, life, family, he shares things about our children with her.
The business is in her name only? Does he give your money to by the properties or for anything else?
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Using her for sex, this is what I told my friend and she told me I was delusional. So you agree! The reason she says its not for sex, is because he shares all the intimate details about his life to her, including bank statements he has sent to her, helping him with investments, job related things, helping our sons with things, she even opened each and every one of them a bank account when she opened up her two childrens accounts. She is too hands on to me but that to me is because like you said, she thinks he is going to leave me for her! I am his life and I really wish she would move on!

" Your husband is a user, he's not a good person." This is a hard thing to see.
I agree with your friend. If he was just using her for sex, he would be having a lot of sex with you. He would not be talking to her about everything in his life. He would not be in some business with her. He's very much involved with her at a very deep level.

What's going on here is not unusual for cheaters. They end up with two different lives... one with their wife and children and then a secret one with an affair partners.
he shares all the intimate details about his life to her, including bank statements he has sent to her, helping him with investments, job related things, helping our sons with things, she even opened each and every one of them a bank account when she opened up her two childrens accounts. She is too hands on to me but that to me is because like you said, she thinks he is going to leave me for her! I am his life and I really wish she would move on!
I need to clarify some of this just to make sure that I understand...

He's sending her his bank account statements? Are you on his bank accounts? Or do the two of you have separate accounts?

She's opened up bank accounts for your 3 three children? Is this what you are saying?

What is she doing to help your children? Have your children met her?

Is she married? Do you know her name?
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