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my husband is cheating but it cant be serious because he always post me on social media right?

27063 Views 616 Replies 65 Participants Last post by  CrAzYdOgLaDy
My husband and I met in high school, we were together and then broke up and got back together, I got pregnant at 18 and he decided he wanted to always be around his child everyday and that we were going to be a family. We got married when our child turned 2. We have been married now for over a decade and I thought we were happy. We have had hiccups and honestly while we are great friends, I do feel that we are very different romantically but nothing our marriage can't fix to me. I found out he has been seeing a woman for 3 years. I have read some text messages to her and they are really really involved. He asks her opinion a lot about life matters, work matters, and from the looks of it, they started a secret business together! They even have a realtor to purchase property! My husband and I hardly have sex, and awhile ago in an argument he told me had checked out years ago but that to me is anger talking and we do have three beautiful children and he is such a great father! Ever so often, we do engage in physical intimacy and he still attends our family gatherings, outings with kids, family vacations, and even proclaims me on social media outlets knowing I love to share our relationship with our friends and family. He always makes it a point to post me on special occasions which to me always says "we are OK". I love to share this on my social media. He does all of these things which to me, I know this affair is temporary. He is very present!

My good friend tells me, he settled for me because of the children, he's obligated to me and if he has been with this woman for 3 years and counting, its not a fling but I just don't believe that! I guess here I am seeking any advice and if you think this 3-year relationship is real or not and how should I proceed. I do not want to ruffle any feathers because I do think this is temporary because of him being present and doesn’t miss a beat but it is very off-putting to know he is making money with this woman, she is in his personal life, I saw she helped him make multiple appointments, he goes to her for advice about everyday matters, he even shares things with her about our children! They are too intertwined to me but how intertwined could they be if he is still present with our family.

Just this past weekend, our oldest graduated and we are taking a "graduation vacation" until Thursday he has really posted me this weekend. I love when he does that. But when I looked into his phone, I saw that he made sure to see her before we left on our vacation. and he explained to her all of the activities we had planned this weekend with OUR family. He also told her he is excited to go because it is fun for our children. He told her he loved her and couldn't wait to be back from vacation to see her. I am so confused because he again has posted me all weekend, and it really makes my heart soar. What do you all think? I need all the raw advice and experience.
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Does your husband know that you found out about his affair?
Hello EleGirl, no he does not know that i found out about this. I am addicted to looking at his phone when he leaves it laying around.
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Posting you on social media means nothing. It is just the thin veneer of respectability and happy families image that he wants to project. He loves the other woman. He has a separate life with her. I am not saying this to be mean, but it sounds like he tolerates you in order to be with his children and his love and future life are with his affair partner. Look out for yourself because he sure won't.
Thank you QuietGuy for responding. As I take it you are a guy, then why does he stay with me? In my head, he is where he wants to be. I don't beg him to stay with me, but he is extremely present in our home. He does all of our family things and never misses a beat. On our anniversary he takes me and the children out, birthdays, holidays etc. He does not spend these special occasions with her. We have known each other for over 18 years and we are a love story that most envy. Project a happy family?
Your husband has been in a relationship with another woman for 3 years, apparently he has a secret business with her, and he let her know about all the things he'd be doing on his vacation with his "other" family, oh yeah, and that he loved her. But it's not serious bc he posts on social media about you. Good lord lady, wake the F up.
Thank you Captain Obvious for your reply. I am thinking it is not serious because he is still at home with me, he doesnt stay out all night, he is at home with me and our children. He attends all family events, he doesnt miss a beat with us. And he publicly acknowledges me, not her.
How many children do you have? What are their ages?

I'm sorry to say that the reason that your husband is posting about you on social media is that he does not want anyone else to know about his cheating.

My suggestion is that you don't tell him right now that you know what he's up to as there is some info you need to collect.

Can you do something like take photos of the texts with her with your phone so that you have solid proof. If you confront him about this, he will most likely lie. That's normal for cheaters to do. You especially need proof of him having a company with the affair partner (AP). Legally you own 50% of his part of that business. If they are buying real-estate together you own a portion of it. Do you know the name of the business? Is it registered in your state as an LLC, a corporation, etc?
We have 3 children, 18, 14, 9.

I have read that the business is in her name only and the real estate will be in her name only as well. I have read so many texts between the two. He asks her for advice about his job, life, family, he shares things about our children with her.
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He takes you and the children out on your anniversary. That's very telling. He should be taking you out, just you and him, on your anniversary to celebrate your marriage.

Am I that crazy? I thought that us going out as a family celebrates our years of marriage and allows our children to see real love.
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You're being cheated on, you share your husband with another woman. He's with you because of the kids.

There is nothing envious about that whatsoever.

Time to remove the blindfold.
Thank you Trident for your response. "He's with you because of the kids." I don't see him being unhappy because he is present. I don't make him go to our family events, the majority of the time he is asking about them.

Envious because we have known each other since teenagers and we are still together. We have a beautiful family and he's a great father.
Because he likes having time with his kids, doesn’t want to pay child support and possible alimony. Abd because he likes eating cake.

you’re history when the kids hit 18 most likely.
Thank you Evinrude58. He loves having time with our sons, they are literally his best friends and we love spending time as a family. We also love spending time together. Just today we spent the day lounging by the pool and him taking photos of me posing. Just a fun day all around!

Does that sound like he is staying because he wants to spend time with our kids? This is so confusing.
is this serious? You feel like they’re seeing real love when he takes you out in your anniversary and banging another lady and living a double life at the same time?
Just trying to understand your perspective.
Our children do not know what I know so they only see the love story that we show them. I honestly think this woman is temporary and I suppose I am trying to wait out the storm, I don't see how he could throw away our years over something so trivial.
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I thought you said you rarely had sex?
We hardly have sex, but we hang out with our friends, we go to our sons events, we hang out together.
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He gets to be a respectable family man with you, and then he gets to have a passionate relationship with her. Why would he leave you when he can be the loving husband/father one day, then have his forbidden relationship the next day because he can, and so far in his mind, no one is the wiser. He's got the best situation in the world right now, and wife who really doesn't seem to mind it, do you blame him?
I do mind it, I really just want things to play out. I see their texts conversations and he tells her he loves her and wants her and all I think is how stupid can she be because if he loved her he would be with her and I am hoping she makes an exit. It's hurtful.
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You are projecting your feelings onto him. Denial is only a temporary comfort zone.
I love him so he has to love me too. Nope. His actions tell you everything you need to know.
Get to a good attorney and see what your rights are. They are plotting against you and will Leave you high and dry. You need to wake up to reality NOW!
Thank you Marc878. Isnt there an old saying such as "if a man wants to leave he will go"...he is still here. He just walked in here to tell my brother was leaving to go to the store and did I need anything, very present with our life.On vacation, his communication with her has been minimal, but mine has not. I just am all over the place with my thoughts
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He doesn't love her, he's using her for sex. She's probably a naive woman who actually thinks he's going to leave his wife and family for her, just like you think he's going to cancel the all you can bang no consequences buffet bc he'll suddenly find his conscience. Your husband is a user, he's not a good person.
Using her for sex, this is what I told my friend and she told me I was delusional. So you agree! The reason she says its not for sex, is because he shares all the intimate details about his life to her, including bank statements he has sent to her, helping him with investments, job related things, helping our sons with things, she even opened each and every one of them a bank account when she opened up her two childrens accounts. She is too hands on to me but that to me is because like you said, she thinks he is going to leave me for her! I am his life and I really wish she would move on!

" Your husband is a user, he's not a good person." This is a hard thing to see.
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Nope. They are biding their time and planning against you.
This is alarming
They also have matching tattoos that i had no clue about because I do not look at the physical outside of his face as such.
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He is present for his children. Not for you. Your kids are growing up and he’s planning a life without you. Please, please protect yourself. Get a job, get a savings account, get a credit card in your name to build credit. And again, get tested for STDs. They are very dangerous not treated.
Thank you TexasMom1216 for your response. "Being present for the children" seems to be the theme, but what do I have to do with the children. Being present for the children doesnt make him take me out for my birthday or special occasions or posting me on social media with love emotions isn't being "present for our sons" can this be explained?

I do have a job but he does make more money than I do.
Hi Husbandcheating22, I remember you from another site last year. Wow, same stuff, sorry this is still an unresolved issue.
I think you managed to get to over 100 pages on the other site. Any way, same advice.
i did post on another site but there is so many things that have been happening! On my end, thinking they were positive but I guess I am still in a state of "denial"
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Thank you everyone for your posts. I have read each and every one of them. Yes, I did a post on another forum and received advice that I still read. I was advised by my counselor to post on another site because she said I seem to put a lot of stock in what others have to say based on their experiences. I don't have many to talk to so I do go online and do lots of research on this subject. And when something happens, I do want to run to a forum and give what happened to get their take on things. This past Saturday my husband did a thing on social media and really put surprised me. This was no special occasion and nothing happening but he posted "I will forever be grateful to you and will always love you. Because of you, at a young age, I knew my purpose. Thank you and I am forever indebted to you" I have been over the moon since this post. I havent been able to contact my counselor about this, but to me this is a turning point! That post was filled with so much love so of course I am hoping that he has ended things with her. I havent checked his phone since last weekend. That post to me was him finally letting off the excessive weight and realizing I am where everything lies. What do you all think?
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Your husband is banging another woman. You’re his window dressing . You keep him respectable she keeps him horny. Clear as mud?
Can you explain this window dressing further?
Why in the world would you think social media is an accurate indicator of truth? In fact, it’s completely the opposite. Social media is a fantasy and a popularity contest most of the time.

How many stories have you heard of people posting on social media about how perfect their life is only to find out how terrible their life truly is?

You seem to be not only in denial, but lack common sense as well. I think your husband knows this so he calculates his social media presence knowing how you view it.
Thank you. I don't think its an accurate indicator but I don't see anyone posting just to post. I post alot and I celebrate on social media alot. It is where I interact with most of our friends and family that can't see us often. Or it is where I want to keep everyone afloat. Like I put in my recent post, my husband just posted something lovely this past Saturday and I have been over the moon about it.
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