[husbandcheating22]

My husband and I met in high school, we were together and then broke up and got back together, I got pregnant at 18 and he decided he wanted to always be around his child everyday and that we were going to be a family. We got married when our child turned 2. We have been married now for over a decade and I thought we were happy. We have had hiccups and honestly while we are great friends, I do feel that we are very different romantically but nothing our marriage can't fix to me. I found out he has been seeing a woman for 3 years. I have read some text messages to her and they are really really involved. He asks her opinion a lot about life matters, work matters, and from the looks of it, they started a secret business together! They even have a realtor to purchase property! My husband and I hardly have sex, and awhile ago in an argument he told me had checked out years ago but that to me is anger talking and we do have three beautiful children and he is such a great father! Ever so often, we do engage in physical intimacy and he still attends our family gatherings, outings with kids, family vacations, and even proclaims me on social media outlets knowing I love to share our relationship with our friends and family. He always makes it a point to post me on special occasions which to me always says "we are OK". I love to share this on my social media. He does all of these things which to me, I know this affair is temporary. He is very present!

My good friend tells me, he settled for me because of the children, he's obligated to me and if he has been with this woman for 3 years and counting, its not a fling but I just don't believe that! I guess here I am seeking any advice and if you think this 3-year relationship is real or not and how should I proceed. I do not want to ruffle any feathers because I do think this is temporary because of him being present and doesn’t miss a beat but it is very off-putting to know he is making money with this woman, she is in his personal life, I saw she helped him make multiple appointments, he goes to her for advice about everyday matters, he even shares things with her about our children! They are too intertwined to me but how intertwined could they be if he is still present with our family.

Just this past weekend, our oldest graduated and we are taking a "graduation vacation" until Thursday he has really posted me this weekend. I love when he does that. But when I looked into his phone, I saw that he made sure to see her before we left on our vacation. and he explained to her all of the activities we had planned this weekend with OUR family. He also told her he is excited to go because it is fun for our children. He told her he loved her and couldn't wait to be back from vacation to see her. I am so confused because he again has posted me all weekend, and it really makes my heart soar. What do you all think? I need all the raw advice and experience.

 

[EleGirl]

Does your husband know that you found out about his affair?

 

[QuietGuy]

Posting you on social media means nothing. It is just the thin veneer of respectability and happy families image that he wants to project. He loves the other woman. He has a separate life with her. I am not saying this to be mean, but it sounds like he tolerates you in order to be with his children and his love and future life are with his affair partner. Look out for yourself because he sure won't.

 

[Captain Obvious]

Your husband has been in a relationship with another woman for 3 years, apparently he has a secret business with her, and he let her know about all the things he'd be doing on his vacation with his "other" family, oh yeah, and that he loved her. But it's not serious bc he posts on social media about you. Good lord lady, wake the F up.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Does your husband know that you found out about his affair?

Hello EleGirl, no he does not know that i found out about this. I am addicted to looking at his phone when he leaves it laying around.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Posting you on social media means nothing. It is just the thin veneer of respectability and happy families image that he wants to project. He loves the other woman. He has a separate life with her. I am not saying this to be mean, but it sounds like he tolerates you in order to be with his children and his love and future life are with his affair partner. Look out for yourself because he sure won't.

Thank you QuietGuy for responding. As I take it you are a guy, then why does he stay with me? In my head, he is where he wants to be. I don't beg him to stay with me, but he is extremely present in our home. He does all of our family things and never misses a beat. On our anniversary he takes me and the children out, birthdays, holidays etc. He does not spend these special occasions with her. We have known each other for over 18 years and we are a love story that most envy. Project a happy family?

 

[EleGirl]

Hello EleGirl, no he does not know that i found out about this. I am addicted to looking at his phone when he leaves it laying around.

How many children do you have? What are their ages?

I'm sorry to say that the reason that your husband is posting about you on social media is that he does not want anyone else to know about his cheating.

My suggestion is that you don't tell him right now that you know what he's up to as there is some info you need to collect.

Can you do something like take photos of the texts with her with your phone so that you have solid proof. If you confront him about this, he will most likely lie. That's normal for cheaters to do. You especially need proof of him having a company with the affair partner (AP). Legally you own 50% of his part of that business. If they are buying real-estate together you own a portion of it. Do you know the name of the business? Is it registered in your state as an LLC, a corporation, etc?

 

[EleGirl]

He takes you and the children out on your anniversary. That's very telling. He should be taking you out, just you and him, on your anniversary to celebrate your marriage.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Your husband has been in a relationship with another woman for 3 years, apparently he has a secret business with her, and he let her know about all the things he'd be doing on his vacation with his "other" family, oh yeah, and that he loved her. But it's not serious bc he posts on social media about you. Good lord lady, wake the F up.

Thank you Captain Obvious for your reply. I am thinking it is not serious because he is still at home with me, he doesnt stay out all night, he is at home with me and our children. He attends all family events, he doesnt miss a beat with us. And he publicly acknowledges me, not her.

 

[Trident]

we are a love story that most envy. Project a happy family?

You're being cheated on, you share your husband with another woman. He's with you because of the kids.

There is nothing envious about that whatsoever.

Time to remove the blindfold.

 

[Evinrude58]

Because he likes having time with his kids, doesn’t want to pay child support and possible alimony. Abd because he likes eating cake.

you’re history when the kids hit 18 most likely.

 

[husbandcheating22]

How many children do you have? What are their ages?

I'm sorry to say that the reason that your husband is posting about you on social media is that he does not want anyone else to know about his cheating.

My suggestion is that you don't tell him right now that you know what he's up to as there is some info you need to collect.

Can you do something like take photos of the texts with her with your phone so that you have solid proof. If you confront him about this, he will most likely lie. That's normal for cheaters to do. You especially need proof of him having a company with the affair partner (AP). Legally you own 50% of his part of that business. If they are buying real-estate together you own a portion of it. Do you know the name of the business? Is it registered in your state as an LLC, a corporation, etc?

We have 3 children, 18, 14, 9.

I have read that the business is in her name only and the real estate will be in her name only as well. I have read so many texts between the two. He asks her for advice about his job, life, family, he shares things about our children with her.

 

[husbandcheating22]

He takes you and the children out on your anniversary. That's very telling. He should be taking you out, just you and him, on your anniversary to celebrate your marriage.

Am I that crazy? I thought that us going out as a family celebrates our years of marriage and allows our children to see real love.

 

[husbandcheating22]

You're being cheated on, you share your husband with another woman. He's with you because of the kids.

There is nothing envious about that whatsoever.

Time to remove the blindfold.

Thank you Trident for your response. "He's with you because of the kids." I don't see him being unhappy because he is present. I don't make him go to our family events, the majority of the time he is asking about them.

Envious because we have known each other since teenagers and we are still together. We have a beautiful family and he's a great father.

 

[husbandcheating22]

Because he likes having time with his kids, doesn’t want to pay child support and possible alimony. Abd because he likes eating cake.

you’re history when the kids hit 18 most likely.

Thank you Evinrude58. He loves having time with our sons, they are literally his best friends and we love spending time as a family. We also love spending time together. Just today we spent the day lounging by the pool and him taking photos of me posing. Just a fun day all around!

Does that sound like he is staying because he wants to spend time with our kids? This is so confusing.

 

[Evinrude58]

Am I that crazy? I thought that us going out as a family celebrates our years of marriage and allows our children to see real love.

is this serious? You feel like they’re seeing real love when he takes you out in your anniversary and banging another lady and living a double life at the same time?
Just trying to understand your perspective.

 

[Evinrude58]

Thank you Evinrude58. He loves having time with our sons, they are literally his best friends and we love spending time as a family. We also love spending time together. Just today we spent the day lounging by the pool and him taking photos of me posing. Just a fun day all around!

Does that sound like he is staying because he wants to spend time with our kids? This is so confusing.

I thought you said you rarely had sex?

 

[Captain Obvious]

Thank you Captain Obvious for your reply. I am thinking it is not serious because he is still at home with me, he doesnt stay out all night, he is at home with me and our children. He attends all family events, he doesnt miss a beat with us. And he publicly acknowledges me, not her.

He gets to be a respectable family man with you, and then he gets to have a passionate relationship with her. Why would he leave you when he can be the loving husband/father one day, then have his forbidden relationship the next day because he can, and so far in his mind, no one is the wiser. He's got the best situation in the world right now, and wife who really doesn't seem to mind it, do you blame him?

 

[husbandcheating22]

is this serious? You feel like they’re seeing real love when he takes you out in your anniversary and banging another lady and living a double life at the same time?
Just trying to understand your perspective.

Our children do not know what I know so they only see the love story that we show them. I honestly think this woman is temporary and I suppose I am trying to wait out the storm, I don't see how he could throw away our years over something so trivial.

 

[husbandcheating22]

I thought you said you rarely had sex?

We hardly have sex, but we hang out with our friends, we go to our sons events, we hang out together.