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I had my IUD removed 3 months ago. My husband was well aware that it was being removed and took me to the appointment, to avoid paying $38 for parking. My IUD was removed because it was close to the expiration date. The plan was to have my IUD removed, and immediately have another placed. My OB would not insert the new IUD because I had an infection. I was given a prescription for that, then had to book another appointment for a followup, then book an appointment to have the IUD inserted. It was a 3 month time frame of having no protection. My husband was always in the loop. I was supposed to have my IUD inserted this week, I found out 3 days ago that I’m pregnant. My husband has accused me of either cheating, or tricking him into pregnancy.

My husband didn’t want anymore kids AT ALL. But, he hasn’t had a vasectomy and had unprotected sex. I told him numerous times to go buy condoms or to tell me what kind he wanted (he’s extremely picky about them). He said he didn’t want to use condoms. He didn’t ejaculate inside of me, but regardless, I’m pregnant. And because he deemed it “very unlikely” for me to get pregnant, I must have cheated. Or tricked him into pregnancy.

We had sex/other 4 times this month. It has been significantly reduced since having the IUD removed. The first time was right after my period, he pulled out. The second time was 9 days before ovulation, he pulled out and finished in his hand. The third time was the day that I was ovulating, which he knew. We didn’t have any penetration, but he ejaculated directly on me and rubbed it a bit but didn’t go in. The fourth time was two days after ovulation, he pulled out and finished on my stomach but was slow to do so.

Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me. Neither of those are true. I have never cheated on my husband, or anyone else. I have never done anything for him to believe that I have cheated or would cheat. My husband has never cheated on me. It’s coming out of nowhere.

I 100% should have said use a condom or we aren’t having sex at all. Half of the blame in on me. I was ok with having more kids. I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I always wanted more than one child so it isn’t the end of the world to me. My husband is adamant that he doesn’t want anymore, but wasn’t acting like it. I knew how he felt, and should have acted for both of us.

We have one child, who is 4. He has been asking for a sibling for at least a year. We have the space and finances to have another child. The reason he doesn’t want another child is because it was hard with our first. Our relationship struggled a lot and our son was ‘difficult’. I feel like we are better prepared to handle that now, and we know better about what each of us needs.

There was times last month that we could have gotten pregnant as well, it didn’t happen but could have. I can’t have my husband thinking that I could pregnant on purpose by shoving his semen inside of me, or that I cheated on him. We both work from home and are home most of the time, there is literally no time when I could have possibly cheated.

I don’t know what I can do to help him understand that I didn’t cheat or try and trick him into another baby. I have been holding onto some of our sons baby stuff (that would be expensive to replace and is easily stored) just in case. “Just in case” became a reality, but because I held onto some stuff that means I tricked him?

I don’t know how to help him understand that I didn’t do anything that he is claiming. And I don’t understand his train of thought. So if someone else does… please help me out. He isn’t a moron, he knows how babies are made. Last month he was slow to pull out and ejaculated as he pulled out, was worried about it. Yet didn’t agree to use condoms or do other stuff.

It hurts so bad being pregnant and having my husband say these things about me. I’m pretty sure he has shared his thoughts with his friends as well. If he really thinks this and doesn’t change him mind, I don’t know how our marriage would last. I asked if he wanted a DNA test since they can be done non-invasively during pregnancy, he said “not unless it comes out black”. So I don’t get it! He thinks I cheated, but doesn’t want a DNA test? If the baby was black, a DNA test wouldn’t even be needed since we are both 100% white.
 

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Well.......

Poop happens, so does pregnancy.
With the main ejaculate comes the main army.

The pre-soldiers, the scouts, and the forward observers are inside the pre-cum.

One of them found the egg, was cold and burrowed itself in.

Poop happens, pregnancy happens.

God willing, yes, that.

He so wrote it, the army of sperm obeyed, did their duty.

After the Dear Baby is born, have a DNA test performed.
Shove the results where the sun don't shine.

After he sees the new babies cute face, maybe he will become reformed.

Babies are cute, they get that from you, their Momma.
Uh, huh..
 

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If I were you I would insist on a DNA test to end his nonsense about you cheating.

Plenty of women get pregnant even if a guy pulls out. I did. One of my sisters did. It's not uncommon at all. Before full ejaculation, semen leaks out.

Your husband chose to take a risk by having unprotected sex. He does not want to face responsilbity for what he did.

You need to stop beating yourself up over this. You both share responsibility 50/50.

You might want to consider telling him that you will no longer tolerate him accusing you of cheating and/or getting pregnant on purpose. He chose to have unprotected sex so he chose to take the chance of getting you pregnant. He needs to accept the truth. You will not stay in a marriage in which your husband accuses you of things when he is responsible for what happened.

You might also want to suggest that he take responsibility for birth control from here on out since he does not want any more children. A vasectomy would be in order.

Your husband making all sorts of nonsense accusations is wrong. But you are not helping things by you allowing him to do this and allowing him to beat up on you emotionally. Put your foot down.
 

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I think you two would do well with some counselling. Do you have a priest you can talk to? Sometimes work will offer sessions as a benefit. It will help if he can have a neutral person help him calm down.

How is he as a dad to your other child? If he's good and enjoys it, he might just be freaking out a little bit right now. All the stress of the first child may be coming back and he's thinking he can't handle it again. But that might just be in the moment. Given time, he'll likely calm down.

It's hard to know what to say given his attitude. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt of acting crazy in the moment, but there are some red flags to worry about. Please consider some kind of marriage counselling to hopefully address these issues and create a better relationship.
 

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. Honestly, your H sounds like a complete ass, and he is way out of line. He didn't want another kid, wanted to have sex with his wife, but didn't want to use condoms? WTF?

The "pullout" method is the LEAST effective method of birth control. It's like, less than 70% effective. There's something called pre-ejaculate that carries sperm, and that can get your pregnant. You can even get pregnant if he pulls out an ejaculates anywhere near your vaginal opening. So if he came on you and rubbed it around anywhere near your labia, that could have worked its way in and got you pregnant. ESPECIALLY if this is when you were ovulating!

Actually, your husband sounds emotionally/psychologically abusive. Accusing you of cheating or tricking him when he refused to get condoms?

Do you WANT to have another child with this monster? Do you want to STAY with a man who would behave in such a way?
 

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If I were you I would insist on a DNA test to end his nonsense about you cheating.

Plenty of women get pregnant even if a guy pulls out. I did. One of my sisters did. It's not uncommon at all. Before full ejaculation, semen leaks out.

Your husband chose to take a risk by having unprotected sex. He does not want to face responsilbity for what he did.

You need to stop beating yourself up over this. You both share responsibility 50/50.

You might want to consider telling him that you will no longer tolerate him accusing you of cheating and/or getting pregnant on purpose. He chose to have unprotected sex so he chose to take the chance of getting you pregnant. He needs to accept the truth. You will not stay in a marriage in which your husband accuses you of things when he is responsible for what happened.

You might also want to suggest that he take responsibility for birth control from here on out since he does not want any more children. A vasectomy would be in order.

Your husband making all sorts of nonsense accusations is wrong. But you are not helping things by you allowing him to do this and allowing him to beat up on you emotionally. Put your foot down.

Remember this....

Sperm are little squirmy swimmers.

The main body contains the average flipper.

The pre-coming forward observers are the Navy Seals, they are the strongest, the meanest paddlers.

All of them carry a sharp knife. One of those powerful swimmers got the egg, he cut his way in and claimed the world.

HE was in :smile2:, the rest were left out, out paddling around the ovum, the oval prize. :crying:

HoooAhhh ! :grin2:
 

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I hope it is a boy!

When he arrives, when he pops out, when he opens his eyes.......I hope he gives your husband the middle finger.
Yes, that.
 

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Good grief. You husband is behaving like an ass. Do not try to get him to understand. His lack of understanding isn't the problem. The problem is that he didn't take responsibility for his desire to not have another child and is blame shifting that to you. By defending yourself, you are giving credibility to his argument. What he is doing is called verbal and emotional abuse. Don't put up with it.

Definitely get a DNA test and give him a copy. He probably won't read it, but it doesn't matter. If you get it and he knows what it is, he knows the truth. If he has any real doubts about the paternity of this child those doubts will be gone.

He's being an ass. Don't play his game. Do NOT take a polygraph or any other nonsense.

And start snooping. HE's probably the one cheating.
I would get a DNA test, but he's the one who should be taking a polygraph test. I smell a rat here and think your husband very well may be cheating on you. This kind of behavior is indicative of someone who is trying to deflect blame onto someone else for his own behavior. I recommend you start reading some of the infidelity threads here. It could be an eye opening experience for you.

Edit to add: If your husband tries to bully you into an abortion and you give in, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Coerced abortion is extremely damaging and most women never recover from it.
 

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I have similar feelings and attitudes towards babies as your husband so it is with authority that I can say he's being an ass.

Both of our kids were unplanned (by me) and while I never accused my wife of cheating or of being deceptive, I was upset and didn't handle it well.

On a 1-10 **** Scale, I was a 6-7/10 and your husband is being a 9.2/10.

This is not on you. It is on him. We all know from when the Rubber Lady from Planned Parenthood came to talk to our health class in high school that unprotected intercourse can result in pregnancy even if the primary volume is not deposited in the vagina. There are hundred of millions of catholics around the world that prove that "natural family planning" means that you are planning on having family.

In my case, I was upset and that wasn't where I wanted to be, but I accepted that it was of my own doing. Then after our second was born I made an appointment and got the plumbing disconnected so it wouldn't happen again.


As far as where to go from here, first do not accept blame or accusations of malfeasance. He is a grown man that knows where babies come from and he willfully and knowingly engaged in the activity that makes babies.

Likewise, you knowingly and willfully took part in that activity too knowing that he would not be supportive of another child coming onto the scene. Time to both grown up and face this together.


Your options are -

-discontinue the pregnancy.


-Start making preparations for a family of 4 and then take the necessary precautions to ensure it doesn't happen again going forward.

- Divorce and live as single parents taking turns having 50/50 custody and the higher earner paying child support on two young children.
 

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Responses to some specific points in bold below.


My husband didn’t want anymore kids AT ALL..

Then he should've gotten the plumbing disconnected.




Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me.

I double if he actually thinks either of those things. I think he is being a cry baby and just having a hissy fit and being an ass.

My husband has never cheated on me.


As much as a whiney, selfish, little biotch as he's being, it's not a real stretch of the imagination that there may be more that you do not know.

I 100% should have said use a condom or we aren’t having sex at all. Half of the blame in on me.

You are both adults that know where babies come from. this is on each of you equally and up to the both of you to work out.


I was ok with having more kids. I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I always wanted more than one child so it isn’t the end of the world to me. My husband is adamant that he doesn’t want anymore, but wasn’t acting like it. I knew how he felt, and should have acted for both of us.


Again, you are both in this together. It is not all on you, but there was probably also a part of you that did not believe he was actually serious about not wanting any more kids. My wife was this way and her friends and family would poo-poo it by saying things like "he'll change his tune when kids come," and, "guys just say that" etc etc. Mother Nature always wants you to have one more kid in case the next drought or plague or ice age kills off the ones you already have. You each have some degree of culpability and each of you knowingly took your chances.

We have one child, who is 4. He has been asking for a sibling for at least a year. We have the space and finances to have another child. The reason he doesn’t want another child is because it was hard with our first. Our relationship struggled a lot and our son was ‘difficult’. I feel like we are better prepared to handle that now, and we know better about what each of us needs.


which contributed to not taking this seriously

There was times last month that we could have gotten pregnant as well, it didn’t happen but could have. I can’t have my husband thinking that I could pregnant on purpose by shoving his semen inside of me, or that I cheated on him. We both work from home and are home most of the time, there is literally no time when I could have possibly cheated.

Paternity is easy to prove


I don’t know what I can do to help him understand that I didn’t cheat or try and trick him into another baby.

DNA will prove the child is his. Polygraph can support that you did not inseminate yourself. But neither of these will change what I will address below


I have been holding onto some of our sons baby stuff (that would be expensive to replace and is easily stored) just in case. “Just in case” became a reality, but because I held onto some stuff that means I tricked him?

You did not "trick" him, but you also did not take his not wanting another baby seriously and were willing to roll the dice and take your chances. I think this is what he is actually upset about and being an ass about. He knows where babies come from and knows you didn't trick of deceive him. He is just being immature and an ass.

I don’t know how to help him understand that I didn’t do anything that he is claiming.

DNA and polygraph can take care of the nuts and bolts of that and lay any thoughts of your intentional deception and fraud to rest


And I don’t understand his train of thought.

His train of thought is that you didn't take it seriously and think that it is ok and that in the end he will come around (which he very well might)


So if someone else does… please help me out. He isn’t a moron, he knows how babies are made. Last month he was slow to pull out and ejaculated as he pulled out, was worried about it. Yet didn’t agree to use condoms or do other stuff.

He's not the brightest bulb on the tree either


. I asked if he wanted a DNA test since they can be done non-invasively during pregnancy, he said “not unless it comes out black”. So I don’t get it! He thinks I cheated, but doesn’t want a DNA test?

He doesn't really think you cheated. If a guy actually questions paternity he will agree to DNA testing. He's just being a jerk. ….and a racist jerk at that.


.
 

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I..... I found out 3 days ago that I’m pregnant. My husband has accused me of either cheating, or tricking him into pregnancy.

My husband didn’t want anymore kids AT ALL. But, he hasn’t had a vasectomy and had unprotected sex. I told him numerous times to go buy condoms or to tell me what kind he wanted (he’s extremely picky about them). He said he didn’t want to use condoms. He didn’t ejaculate inside of me, but regardless, I’m pregnant. And because he deemed it “very unlikely” for me to get pregnant, I must have cheated. Or tricked him into pregnancy.

Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me. Neither of those are true. I have never cheated on my husband, or anyone else. I have never done anything for him to believe that I have cheated or would cheat. My husband has never cheated on me. It’s coming out of nowhere.

I 100% should have said use a condom or we aren’t having sex at all. Half of the blame in on me. I was ok with having more kids. I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I always wanted more than one child so it isn’t the end of the world to me. My husband is adamant that he doesn’t want anymore, but wasn’t acting like it. I knew how he felt, and should have acted for both of us.

There was times last month that we could have gotten pregnant as well, it didn’t happen but could have. I can’t have my husband thinking that I could pregnant on purpose by shoving his semen inside of me, or that I cheated on him. ..................

I don’t know how to help him understand that I didn’t do anything that he is claiming. And I don’t understand his train of thought. So if someone else does… please help me out. He isn’t a moron, he knows how babies are made. Last month he was slow to pull out and ejaculated as he pulled out, was worried about it. Yet didn’t agree to use condoms or do other stuff.

It hurts so bad being pregnant and having my husband say these things about me. I’m pretty sure he has shared his thoughts with his friends as well. If he really thinks this and doesn’t change him mind, I don’t know how our marriage would last. I asked if he wanted a DNA test since they can be done non-invasively during pregnancy, he said “not unless it comes out black”. So I don’t get it! He thinks I cheated, but doesn’t want a DNA test? If the baby was black, a DNA test wouldn’t even be needed since we are both 100% white.

I am sorry for your pains--both the big, immature jerk who wants irresponsible sex and acts abusively and the agony of pregnancy under these circumstances. Does he always hold grudges, blame-shift, disrespect you, scrape the bottom of the barrel with racist rants?

As others have said, he makes us think that he's worried he will have a hard time explaining this to his girlfriend.

I would remove myself from arguments, interactions, innuendo, and accepting his emotional abuse. Until he acted like a supportive husband, I would protect myself and baby from stress, harm, and the grief you feel as an unsupported wife.
 

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I don't know how you will be able to come back from being accused of being unfaithful. I know that I would never be able to forget something like that. This type of behavior doesn't sound like it is something new for him. Is he verbally or emotionally abusive at other times and over other issues?

Not trying to blame you, but why didn't you go on the pill while the IUD was not in, since you knew that he wasn't going to use condoms?
 

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Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me.
Did your husband ever take a high school Biology class??? 1,000's of genetically healthy sperm swim toward the cervix, following a mucus that originates in the uterus. It can take a couple of days for the sperm to find the egg, and that is why sperm live for about 2 days inside the vagina. Even if his sperm was on the outside of you, it could potentially make its way to an egg. It only takes one sperm!

There can also be sperm in pre-ejaculate, because if he masturbated in the last couple of days, there could easily be some hanging inside his penis.

He can watch a video about it on YouTube.

 

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I don't know how you will be able to come back from being accused of being unfaithful. I know that I would never be able to forget something like that. This type of behavior doesn't sound like it is something new for him. Is he verbally or emotionally abusive at other times and over other issues?

Not trying to blame you, but why didn't you go on the pill while the IUD was not in, since you knew that he wasn't going to use condoms?
The antibiotics for the infection would likely have compromised the efficacy of the pill. Also, she might not be able to to hormonal birth control, hence the IUD.

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The antibiotics for the infection would likely have compromised the efficacy of the pill. Also, she might not be able to to hormonal birth control, hence the IUD.

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I didn't know that. As a teenager they were prescribed to me to regulate my period along with an antibiotic for my complexion. Since I was a teen and not married, the Dr. didn't warn me about the danger of pregnancy since back then the Dr.s assumed young people were not sexually active and in my case he was right. Or perhaps they didn't know about the danger of antibiotics reducing the efficacy of the pill back then so he wouldn't have told me even if he had thought I was sexually active.

So in OPs case it would have been 100% on her husband to prevent pregnancy. Using the "pull-out" method and not even pulling out on time, and then blaming OP...what a little boy!

He doesn't deserve to have you as his wife. He owes you a sincere apology.
 

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Your husband is being terrible, at a time when a woman needs to be supported he pulls this crap

Tell him he knows full well you are not cheating and that he is equally responsible for the pregnancy and that what he is doing is very very hurtful.

If he cannot be an adult about all of this then it might be better if you were not together.

Unless he is really dumb he has got to know that this behavior is putting major holes in the marriage ship

I would put him on cold storage, no sex until he sits down and talks about the whole saga

Start doing the 180 on him, let him know what life would be like without you or your child in his
Is there any reason to suspect him of cheating?
 
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