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This is something that my husband had me listen to yesterday. It's a fantastic song. We both love this guy. But it made me feel absolutely horrible because the last thing that I ever want is to be the woman in this song. So while I was sitting there in tears because I don't want him to feel that way - I paused it and went to tell him that I was sorry and he said just listen to it because this is not me singing to you, this is you singing to me and he was truthful in that. He nags like an old hag but it just made me feel worse because he is right. He micromanages worse than his mother :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO:

Don't be that mother
 

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I was miserable after the pandemic hit. I lashed out a lot, I was rude, in return, he became rude. It’s s vicious cycle. We both started doing our own thing instead of things with each other. Then a massive argument over the 4th of July and he lost all will at intamacy after that.
Is there anyone at all that you treated worse than him during this period of your life? Whether or not you have your reasons (excuses) why you were so rude / lashing out, it is not acceptable to treat a spouse worse than all others... it should be the opposite of that.

If you think you shouldn't have treated him that way, did you clearly and fully apologize and commit to not repeating that behavior again?

If you've been like this toward him in the past, he may have gotten to a point that he is sick of it, and finally taking a stand.

He might be doing this to help himself detach from you.
 

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Will he share pass word? If not that’s not a good sign. Also no sex for 6 months? Shady as hell. Sounds like he’s working on himself for someone else
I will just chime in here to say a husband who would declare and successfully implement a "no intimacy" policy with his wife for 6 DAYS, let alone 6 months would be extraordinarily unusual. And I don't care how much weight she gained. Unless he is badly depressed ( which he may be ), or incapable in the bedroom ( which a lot of alcohol consumption could cause ), or ill some other way, I will say he is draining his tank somehow. And him rejecting your initiating suggests he highly resents you for some reason, and expressing his anger by refusing intimacy with you.

Were you refusing intimacy previously? If so, that could be the root cause. He is so p!st at you this is his (immature) way of getting back at you.
 

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He is being stubborn because he feels hurt by some things that were I said during s really bad fight.
Have you apologized for what YOU said? Not "some things that were said". What were the things YOU said?
Then a massive argument over the 4th of July and he lost all will at intamacy after that.
So this is about a month ago. Not that long if you attacked him in areas where he is vulnerable. Like his abilities in the bedroom or the size of his unit. Common when people know all of one another flaws and can "go for the jugular". Maybe he attacked you regarding your flaws so you responded in kind. Bad idea.

There was a thread on this site long ago, where a woman told her husband who wanted sex with her daily that "You are too old to have sex that often". He stopped having sex at all with her. She was frantic to try to fix the damage, but couldn't. The thread ended, and AFAIK he never had sex with her again. Cruel words spoken can never be unsaid.

A married couple needs to learn to "fight fair" hopefully before they tie the knot. A couple is a TEAM, really one flesh in two physical bodies. We don't attack ourselves cruelly and must not attack the other half of the team.

This is something only YOU can fix. If you want things to change YOU are the only one who can make it happen. If YOU don't, eventually he will disconnect totally from you. What have you done to make amends in word and deed?

I’m a very sexual being so how long do I sit around and wait for him to come around lol.
What do you mean by this question? Are you considering cheating on him? Of course if you aren't considering that, you will have to wait for him to come around as long as it takes. The question is like asking "how long is a string".

We are all sexual beings, some more than others. So you being "very sexual" is irrelevant.
 

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No intimacy? Like emotional or physical?
Is that a real thing? Emotional intimacy? Sometimes, my marriage lacks sex (for weeks) and my husband says that it's because he is fully satisfied with our emotional and physical intimacy in the sense of the fact that we spend a lot of time together at night after work (sitting on the floor in front of the couch watching his shows.. we sit together. pretty much him on top of me. We are always holding hands in the car. Or each others legs. Or something). He always tells me that he is perfectly satisfied with this. But then he watches porn in the morning. I satisfy him emotionally but he finds his sexual desires elsewhere which is what my head tells me.

Maybe ask your hubby to start dating again? Find that initial spark?
 

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It sounds like he is punishing you. He knows that you crave physical intimacy so he's using that as a weapon. You have two possible recourses. One, you can work on yourself and make yourself desirable to him again - lose weight, dress a little nicer, act sweeter - and not overly AT him, but just around him. Make him look and wonder, "what's gotten into her?"

Or, you can give up and take the stance that your marriage just couldn't survive Covid, and plan your separate lives.
 

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My husband passed away in March. He was emotionally immature. The only thing he got from me was how I made HIM feel, by being his trophy wife so to speak and then sex whenever he wanted regardless of the pleasure from it was mutual or not.

I had plenty of physical interaction and never turned it down, so we’re talking probably 5 nights a week the majority of the time, but even that wasn’t enough for my husband physically. He wasn’t going to ‘date’ me, he already had me and that was that.

hopefully the OP can work through all this.
 

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A male perspective in a somewhat similar situation; I had always pursued (intimacy) up until about 4 years ago (she never initiated). Then I gave up and we coasted along (did not seem to bother her); other things kept me ok. Then I lost my dog and dad, and then mom moved a long ways away in a relatively short period of time. I became very dissatisfied with my life and have lost all desire for intimacy with my wife. She has really tried to bring things back, but I am just not feeling it. There was no infidelity, physical or emotional. We are singed up for marriage counseling, but I am skeptical. We have both been taking better care of ourselves. This may sound crazy, but I believe we are both very good people, moral, responsible, etc. We don't argue; that is just not my thing. I hope things work out for you, one way or another, but the void of intimacy can leave deep scars.
 

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A male perspective in a somewhat similar situation; I had always pursued (intimacy) up until about 4 years ago (she never initiated). Then I gave up and we coasted along (did not seem to bother her); other things kept me ok. Then I lost my dog and dad, and then mom moved a long ways away in a relatively short period of time. I became very dissatisfied with my life and have lost all desire for intimacy with my wife. She has really tried to bring things back, but I am just not feeling it. There was no infidelity, physical or emotional. We are singed up for marriage counseling, but I am skeptical. We have both been taking better care of ourselves. This may sound crazy, but I believe we are both very good people, moral, responsible, etc. We don't argue; that is just not my thing. I hope things work out for you, one way or another, but the void of intimacy can leave deep scars.
Not your thing as in you don't need sex?
 

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Yea, I think the nature of what was said to him will help guide the advice.

It is hard to tell if he is just being immature / shallow, or if she really hurt him and he lost his feelings for her due to that.
I will be astounded if she didn't attack him regarding his sexual prowess or attributes because he has "given up" on intimacy, not some other aspect of marriage like finances or keeping the yard in shape. OP has a tough row to hoe coming back from that.

And IF he seeks affirmation elsewhere to renew his confidence, which he will sooner or later, it is possible he will find someone who wants him, says as much to him, and shows him. Words of affirmation go a long way, even if they aren't a person's primary love language.
 
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