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My husband has declared a “no intamacy” policy

8K views 107 replies 36 participants last post by  JJARA 
We are both 40, 2 kids (teenagers), married 16 years. We have been doing alot of talking and crying together. Recent life events = new job titles with more responsibilities. I’ve been really good at detective mode in the past. However that was easy when phones didn’t have pass codes and face recognition lol. I just miss him. If you have suggestions on these “detective skill” I’m all ears.
Others will come along and give you some really great suggestions. Since you're new here, be forewarned that some responses you will receive may be critical or hard to read. Please stick with us through thick and thin. The advice of most people here who have been through what you're experiencing is better than you can buy.

On the emotional side, do you miss who he used to be or do you miss who he is now? I'll go first. It's critical to find out whether there is another person in his life.
 
Thank you for that! I miss both lol if that makes sense. The issue is that I want him, but he is very verbal in that he does not want to be intimate with me in any way… at least not right now. I think part of it is attraction. I gained 30 lbs after Covid, we both started drinking a lot more, he shut down and stopped caring, so I did. It was a vicious cycle. We began just going through the motions , doing our own thing until all of a sudden our sex life, marriage and connection were not s priority. But for a man to not want intimacy worries me, just looking for suggestions to break the ice. Both of us have lost weight, and are hyper focused on our health, He is being stubborn because he feels hurt by some things that were said during s really bad fight.
It's possible he's doing a 180 on you. If so, there are other problems (not necessarily related to infidelity) that need to be identified.
 
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