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A married couple should not have a too close opp sex friends.

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Discussion Starter #1
We've been togather 30yrs now & married 8yrs but he always has a 1 very close female friend time to time. The newest 1 is actualy known to us from about 25yrs ago but she'ld always had someonelse. Just about from 1yr ago she has became a single that when my hus got more friendly with her. At some stage I was a bit ill for a while & couldn't go out with him. Well him & her also with some friends were out about & having a fun but still he'ld always rung me up to see if I could come- with short notice! O.K this is the one got me worried in a big way. He got a job to make a speach at Uni in front of some students so he hired his male friend to film the event but turned out to be this woman friend did the job, well I was absent on that day too. And also she offered to edit it & post it to utube for him. This time I went with him - by the way his reaction to me was a little suprised & when we got to her house she was a bit shocked look, mind you she was still in her pj & gown @ 1pm! A boy I'm so glad I went there. Despite all the things make me anxieous, he denise anthing wrong doing, she's a just a friend what's wrong with that kinnd of talk. But nother things does bothers me is that she's known as a s**t for years even she's with a boyfried she was, so I mentioned it- the word- last night got him end up with a raging anger which's nearly slaped me & never happend before. Still it's shock to me because I still love him & same for him too but now I'm not too sure that he still does. We're not so young & I feel so insecure. In my mind I'ld still will love him more & never let him go, that's what I want!
 

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Me & my huband both have single opposite sex friends, but we never do anything alone with them. We are always a pair in their presence, at our house, at parties, where we go, etc --and all of these friends know our boundaries in this, and have never tried to overstep. I see nothing wrong with this.

But going out alone, and if ever one spouse FEELS that thier husband or wife is having more feelings for one of these friends over them, any indication of a deeper connection-with secrets being kept. THis needs immediate attention, and the friendship should be severed to derail something that has the REAL possibility to destroy a marraige.

If she has a "reputation" on top of this, this ups the risk ever more so.

I can see someone getting upset about making hurtful remarks like that about a friend-outright calling her a s***t , NOT the best of words to use- you kinda set yourself up for his anger there...... BUt on the other hand -you SHOULD always be able to talk to your husband about each of your friends , questions about his friends, their lives, and reputations, without the other getting too upset. If this isn't happening like that, something is terribly amiss.

If she was expecting him and she was in her nightgown at 1pm, OH my, if nothing has happened already, she was wanting it too.
 

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I don't think there's a problem with having friends of the opposite sex. Dear Lord, I would die a thousand deaths pretending to be interested all the time in the lives that most of my old girlfriends have now! If it weren't for my guy friends, I would go stir crazy for sure!

However, there are three things that I think are critical when determining the line between a real friendship and something else:
1. Timing--has your spouse typically been friends with the opposite sex before or is this a new trend?
2. Transparency--are you excluded from their activities, conversations, etc.?
3. Treatment--do they treat this person differently than their other friends? For example, do they always buy lunch/drinks? Are they extra affectionate with this particular person?

In my own case, I have hung around mainly with guys since elementary school. I knew the rules to street football long before I knew how to make a braid or anything like that. My Barbies stole clothes from my cousins' GI Joes. So for me to NOT be around guys is more notable for most times in my life.

That being said, my husband has always had a standing invitation to come along with pretty much whatever we're doing. Does he always want to? Not so much. He's actually pretty grateful that I have my own crew to go to alumni events with--he has no desire to learn my college fight song :) I have a friend that lives nearby that I've known since before college. We do things together and we do things as a foursome. However my husband and his wife bow out at least half the time simply because they get tired of our "inside-speak" that we have after 20 years of friendship. But they're both always welcome.

And probably most importantly--my guy friends and I treat each other as just that: friends. We might hug hi and bye, but it's not any long, drawn-out thing. They don't buy my dinner or drinks in particular unless it's my birthday. Sure, we might all pick up rounds....but it's everybody taking turns and buying for everyone--not just me buying for someone or them buying for me. I don't sit on their laps or wear anything different around them. About the only concession to me being a girl in the group is that I'll get offered chairs, opened doors, helped with my coat--just civilized things.

Those are hallmarks of a real friendship. When I wanted to flirt or was dating guys (oh back in those long-ago days!) I wanted to spend time with *just* them, I didn't want other people horning in on my time! And you bet I didn't treat them like "one of the guys"! I'd stroke their arm when I talked, cozy up to them watching the game, wear super-cute outfits and more than just mascara and lipstick on my face....totally different approach!
 

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A married couple should not have a too close opp sex friends.

Was not sure how to answer this question the way it was put.
However, couples who have close opposite sex firends are flirting with danger. Good luck to them.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Hi everyone thx 4 ur supports :) I'ld like to tell u the update today. Well him & I had been talking & settled in happy way once, but then on that night he reopened it to telling me that she is not s**t. However she has been abused by her step dad when she was about 13- by the way, she told this bout 20 something yrs ago & her boyfriend was there too- hmm why he needs 2 make a big deal out to tell me? I also poped Qs bout " U r very close friend to her, isn't it? " The A was fummingly "NO", but in somehow I have still some doubt bout her beheaviours: ie. every time she makes us a cup of tea(only 2wice had a drink as 4 me) she gives me a chiped cup & gives him a same style of cup with her that not chiped! But I can't talk to him bout this mean while coz initially when we had a fight bout her he threatened me with saying he'll leave me if I raise a same topic again. Well it''s ok if he wants to talk bout her so here's another things he has said was that she told him that she was a good school girl or, she likes to be with a man all the time even they'r no good to her- she often had a bad boyfriends (this info came from my hub's guy friend, he visits him regularlly there). However somehow she start to renting a room @ my hub's friend house & stayed bout a year there, but they ended up having some fights, in the end all got better but. Now she has moved out there just while ago but lives near there anyway... However I said to my hub there's only a man & woman in this world & we all need our partner. So what's most important thing is that when u are a married/a coupled I expect to the any opp sex friend has to respect our stats & she/he can't cross "our boundlies" what so ever. Also it's our responsibilities to ensure that that kinda things would never happens as we are a lovingful couple- I know he does realy loves me & he assured me that he loves me, so I need to trust him :))) So it's a fresh start 4 me now, most importantly we are pretty happy right now, but this time I'll try my best of the best as I requested him this;
" Plz be my gentlman darling & I'll be ur lady" & he replied "YES" :) CROSS MY FINGERS!
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Sorry about the confusion on my poll's sentence. Here's a fixed one :)

"Opp sex friend of my partner should be respected a fact we are togather married/ in love couples & stay away from our boundries. "
 
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