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I'm not sure that the OP meant with another guy - did you OP?
 

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There isn't a threesome in the world that will heal anybody. It usually causes a lot of trouble between couples. You don't want to do it so you shouldn't do it. If you feel like it you can tell him if he wants to have a threesome he can go do it and you don't want to hear about it. He probably can't even put one together without your help so just tell him go right ahead but you're out.
 

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Well the first problem was the affair...but I think thats obvious.

I think hubby wants a threesome so he can at least say he didn't feel left out of someone else being with his wife. But my guess would be after they did an MFM with the cheater guy, he would want an FMF with cheaters guys wife? Sounds like its his way of feeling he is getting even.

Or he could just file for divorce since she cheated and call it a day.
 

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But now now that he wants to


I question how much they have actually reconciled.

Sounds like he’s using this as an excuse to get her to do some kinky crap for him and she has said some Hail Marys and is now using the God card keep him from joining the party.
I agree. I think it's some sort of vengeance on his part.
 

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There isn't a threesome in the world that will heal anybody. It usually causes a lot of trouble between couples. You don't want to do it so you shouldn't do it. If you feel like it you can tell him if he wants to have a threesome he can go do it and you don't want to hear about it. He probably can't even put one together without your help so just tell him go right ahead but you're out.
I don't think any threesomes happen without the wife\GF being a part of it. I mean how many single guys ever get lucky with two women? Maybe .0000000000000000000001 percent of the world's male population? :)
 

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I had an affair last year and since I told my husband 8 months ago, we’ve recovered well. We are stronger than ever but he is still struggle with this intrusive thought of having a threesome. It stems from the man I had an affair with at one point asked if my husband would join. I never thought it would be taken well so I never asked. Now my husband feels like he missed out even though originally he’d never want one. He says he knows that doing this act just once will fully help him recover. It terrifies me. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and come super close with God. I don’t feel like it is ok to do because of our faith either. I feel like I owe him but I don’t want to do it and cause damage to myself. Any advice??

I really can't help but role my eyes at the close to God line. How convenient. This won't help him though and I don't think you should, but you better come up with a better excuse because your husband isn't buying it.

You have emasculated your husband and he has lost his faith in you and probably feel like the sex act but also getting you to push your boundaries with make him feel better. In his mind you were willing to push all kinds of boundaries to have an affair.

Unfortunately you husband is very damaged right now.

What exactly have you done to help him besides getting close to God?

Let's talk about the causing damage to yourself line? Do you think the affair caused damage to yourself?
 

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I had an affair last year and since I told my husband 8 months ago, we’ve recovered well. We are stronger than ever but he is still struggle with this intrusive thought of having a threesome. It stems from the man I had an affair with at one point asked if my husband would join. I never thought it would be taken well so I never asked. Now my husband feels like he missed out even though originally he’d never want one. He says he knows that doing this act just once will fully help him recover. It terrifies me. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and come super close with God. I don’t feel like it is ok to do because of our faith either. I feel like I owe him but I don’t want to do it and cause damage to myself. Any advice??
An MFM threesome was offered. Is that what he is asking for, or is he wanting an FMF? Or does he just want the threesome and the sex/gender of the third person doesn't matter?
 

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Well yeah duh she’s healing well. What does she even have to heal from?

She scored some on the side and not only is she still under the roof but now she may be able to get a 3way with both out of the deal.

She’s made the deal of the century.
I think you may want to go back and read that again and try to look a bit deeper for context. She thinks she has healed pretty well but I think it may be a bit too soon. He has obviously not. He is looking for destructive ways to fill a void. It will just make things worse and increase the emptiness in his soul.
 

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I think it does sound strange but there might be other motivators. it was their little secret. He was excluded. Maybe all he got was a watered down confession of them having "slept together". He may feel some kind of need to see it. To be included in it rather than excluded from it. It might sound weird but I think it could be understandable. He might also be aroused by his wife having sex with someone else. I wonder how many guys are aroused (even if also devastated) by an unfaithful wife. Perhaps something that is just not discussed.
I believe you are spot on but if it happened he would eventually spiral.
 

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Lol. The sudden spirituality is hilarious now that he wants to even the scores. I don’t think it will help him feel better (the threesome), but I would have left that bit out after explaining your extramarital activities.

Better start hunting for an apartment. You two have NOT reconciled.
 

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What he is acting on is his hurt. His humiliation. His 'want' to reclaim his manhood.

You two need to work together through this. And no, going out of your marriage is not the way.

Work on your marriage.

As has been advised, two wrongs do not make a right.

Unfortunately, this is the seed of your actions. Do the best you can to fix it.
 

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Did she ever say if the threesome was MFM or FMF?

He needs it to heal? Yeaaa, I bet he does. If it’s a FMF then it would seem to be retaliation, if it’s a MFM then apparently he’s a glutton for punishment.

Either way, he’s kind of got you over a barrel.
 

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You shouldn't let your husband pressure you into something you don't want to do.

I wouldn't use your religion as the excuse though because the adultery would be against the religion as well.

I don't think the reality of the threesome will be something your husband enjoys. One thing to remember is once images are in your head you can never remove them.

If a threesome is something you and your husband both want to explore then you might want to do that with someone that you didn't cheat with.

Recovery from an affair takes a long time so he isn't past it no matter what he says.
 

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So lemme see if I got this straight- You got freaky with some other dude and had wild porn sex and talked about doing all sorts of kinky shyte while your H was at home watching the kids and paying the bills.

But now now that he wants to get freaky, you are suddenly all holy and religious and can’t indulge his kinky side because that would be against your faith.

In other words cheating and getting down with this other dude when your H doesn’t know about it is ok, but when he wants to take a walk on the wild side, your “faith” won’t allow it.

What church is this? I may want to join it if I can do whatever pervy stuff I want to do, but if someone else wants to indulge I can play the God card.

What church is that and how do I apply for membership?
She said that since her affair she has got close to God.
 

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Stay super close. God gives us His commandments to guide us into living the best possible life we can. Breaking His commandments hurts, not heals. It will hurt you and it will hurt your husband.

What you "owe" your husband is your obedience to God. Be the best wife you can be, according to The Book. Stay in the Book, do what the Book says, do not do what the Book says not to do. That is, as The Book says, your "reasonable service".....



Ask your husband..... "....chapter? and verse?...."
Absolutely TJW, great reply.
 

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What your husband says is just so not true, both of you committing adultery will do anythng BUT help heal the marriage. As you will know with the faith you have, you are forbidden from doing this. Yes you did it before, but now you KNOW its wrong as you have thankfully got back closer to God. If he has a faith also he will know that this is wrong. Its madness he is even suggesting it and please dont do it.
You could say to him that you regret what happened but that you will not be going along with this under any circumstances. If he wont accept that he is free to end the marriage and go and do whatever he thinks will 'help him heal 'but either way, dont let him force you.
 
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