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I had an affair last year and since I told my husband 8 months ago, we’ve recovered well. We are stronger than ever but he is still struggle with this intrusive thought of having a threesome. It stems from the man I had an affair with at one point asked if my husband would join. I never thought it would be taken well so I never asked. Now my husband feels like he missed out even though originally he’d never want one. He says he knows that doing this act just once will fully help him recover. It terrifies me. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and come super close with God. I don’t feel like it is ok to do because of our faith either. I feel like I owe him but I don’t want to do it and cause damage to myself. Any advice??
 

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He says he knows that doing this act just once will fully help him recover.
Uh, okay ... to each his own. But I seriously doubt it's "recovery" he'll achieve with a threesome.
 

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It ain’t gonna help him heal.

If anything he’ll trigger and some day you and your AP’s skeletal remains will be found in some crawlspace. That is dumb.

I could understand if he was wanting to have a 3-way with two chicks. That would still be toxic and still wouldn’t help him heal, but I would at least understand where he was coming from.

IMHO you two still have a lot of work to do in counseling and therapy.
 

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There's only one thing he's after, right or wrong, and that's to even things up.

I'm not in his shoes, but usually two wrongs don't make a right, in simple terms.

He just wants some strange.

Hopefully not a guy.
 

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I had an affair last year and since I told my husband 8 months ago,

Now my husband feels like he missed out even though originally he’d never want one. He says he knows that doing this act just once will fully help him recover. It terrifies me. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and come super close with God. I don’t feel like it is ok to do because of our faith either.
So lemme see if I got this straight- You got freaky with some other dude and had wild porn sex and talked about doing all sorts of kinky **** while your H was at home watching the kids and paying the bills.

But now now that he wants to get freaky, you are suddenly all holy and religious and can’t indulge his kinky side because that would be against your faith.

In other words cheating and getting down with this other dude when your H doesn’t know about it is ok, but when he wants to take a walk on the wild side, your “faith” won’t allow it.

What church is this? I may want to join it if I can do whatever pervy stuff I want to do, but if someone else wants to indulge I can play the God card.

What church is that and how do I apply for membership?
 

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Your husband wants to have a threesome with another man? How in the world would that possibly help him heal?? He's probably having enough mind movies. The last thing he needs is actually seeing you **** and suck another man. Seriously. Why does he think it would help?

If your husband wants a threesome with another woman, that's far more understandable... but it still won't help at all.

Two wrongs don't make a right. All it does is add more destruction to your already overflowing plate.

If your husband wants to experiment then buy some toys for the "DP experience", don't invite another man into the bedroom. Oh, and stay in marriage counseling. You clearly need it and aren't doing as well as you think you are.
 

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I had an affair last year and since I told my husband 8 months ago, we’ve recovered well. We are stronger than ever but he is still struggle with this intrusive thought of having a threesome. It stems from the man I had an affair with at one point asked if my husband would join. I never thought it would be taken well so I never asked. Now my husband feels like he missed out even though originally he’d never want one. He says he knows that doing this act just once will fully help him recover. It terrifies me. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and come super close with God. I don’t feel like it is ok to do because of our faith either. I feel like I owe him but I don’t want to do it and cause damage to myself. Any advice??
Hi! Thanks for sharing.
I find it odd that your husband would be interested in this. I cannot imagine that he would want to watch this guy have sex with you. I would think it would make him super jealous. I would not recommend this. You don't owe him this. Has he said why this in particular would help him "recover"? Other than that, I'm glad to hear you guys were able to reconcile.
 

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But now now that he wants to
Other than that, I'm glad to hear you guys were able to reconcile.
I question how much they have actually reconciled.

Sounds like he’s using this as an excuse to get her to do some kinky crap for him and she has said some Hail Marys and is now using the God card keep him from joining the party.
 

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Your husband has obviously not "healed". I understand his mindset because it comes from a place of poor self esteem. It will only torture him more. You may have been healing well but you are going to have to work harder than you have been to help him get past this. A threesome of any kink will only send him in a tailspin emotionally.
 

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I think if your FB is married, a threesome with his wife would be the cats pajamas. If I was him, I'd go for a weekend swap. Him and your FBs wife plowing new ground while you and your FB plowing old ground may help him and her heal. If the FB is not married, its on you to come up with a female for a threesome. Have you asked how he'd feel about maybe sleeping with one of your girlfriends or relatives. You know the boy deserves a hall pass even if a threesome is off the table.
 
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I’ve done a lot of soul searching and come super close with God.
Stay super close. God gives us His commandments to guide us into living the best possible life we can. Breaking His commandments hurts, not heals. It will hurt you and it will hurt your husband.

What you "owe" your husband is your obedience to God. Be the best wife you can be, according to The Book. Stay in the Book, do what the Book says, do not do what the Book says not to do. That is, as The Book says, your "reasonable service".....

He says he knows that doing this act just once will fully help him recover.
Ask your husband..... "....chapter? and verse?...."
 

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So I’m confused to if the H is wanting a 3-way with 2 chicks or with the OP and her AP???

She made it sound like he was miffed he missed out on a 3way with her and the AP.

If he’s wanting one with another chick, that may not necessarily be healthy or advisable, but it’s at least understandable.

but if he’s wanting to get with her and her AP, that is just plain creepy.
 

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Oldshirt, you may be surprised at the number of guys that are turn on, although often pissed, when they discover their wife is doing another guy. I found this often happen when sex with the wife becomes stale. Many a so-called "hot wife" have evolved from a discovered affair. I think that's whats going on here.
 
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Your husband has obviously not "healed". I understand his mindset because it comes from a place of poor self esteem. It will only torture him more. You may have been healing well but you are going to have to work harder than you have been to help him get past this. A threesome of any kink will only send him in a tailspin emotionally.
I think it does sound strange but there might be other motivators. it was their little secret. He was excluded. Maybe all he got was a watered down confession of them having "slept together". He may feel some kind of need to see it. To be included in it rather than excluded from it. It might sound weird but I think it could be understandable. He might also be aroused by his wife having sex with someone else. I wonder how many guys are aroused (even if also devastated) by an unfaithful wife. Perhaps something that is just not discussed.
 

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Stay super close. God gives us His commandments to guide us into living the best possible life we can. Breaking His commandments hurts, not heals. It will hurt you and it will hurt your husband.

What you "owe" your husband is your obedience to God. Be the best wife you can be, according to The Book. Stay in the Book, do what the Book says, do not do what the Book says not to do. That is, as The Book says, your "reasonable service".....



Ask your husband..... "....chapter? and verse?...."
A little late for that wouldn’t ya say?

That’s shutting the barn door after the horse has got out and is with the neighbor’s stallion the next county over.
 

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You may have been healing well
Well yeah duh she’s healing well. What does she even have to heal from?

She scored some on the side and not only is she still under the roof but now she may be able to get a 3way with both out of the deal.

She’s made the deal of the century.
 

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That was an
I had an affair last year and since I told my husband 8 months ago, we’ve recovered well. We are stronger than ever but he is still struggle with this intrusive thought of having a threesome. It stems from the man I had an affair with at one point asked if my husband would join. I never thought it would be taken well so I never asked. Now my husband feels like he missed out even though originally he’d never want one.
That was nice of him being willing to share you with your hubby. I take it the guy was being sarcastic in the comment and basically belittling your husband to you by that comment.
 

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I think most of us are questioning the authenticity of this post. Still ... we've had some pretty strange things posted.
 
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