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Hello, I need a little advice. I've been married for 11 years now, we are generally happy even though we have had our share of problems. I'm a nurse by trade and my husband is self employed and makes good money. We have two children and my oldest being 8 and I've basically been a stay at home Mom since he was born, working casual for the last 3 years. I feel blessed that I could be home with my kids but now feel like its time to go back to work. I don't however get support when I bring this up to my husband. For 8 years I've been a good mother and wife and rarely ask for anything. My husband feels that because I don't have to work for financial reasons then why should I. I think its because he doesn't want to be inconvienced. I work shift work and completely go around his schedule, so our children are always cared for. I feel like I'm an educated woman with something to offer, and that I have needs to fill other than being a mother and wife. I can't seem to make him understand that and I feel that the support only goes one way. If I say this he says ok you go work full time and I will stay home. He knows that working full time I wouldn't be able to support our bills on our own. So everytime I take a shift its a battle. I don't know what to do, Ive tried rationalizing with him. Am I wrong? I feel like he's being selfish and wants me under his thumb. I support him even when I know he's wrong, I do love him but I want more and I think I deserve the same support in return!
 

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You do deserve more, I am an RN as well and I love my career. It would be very hard if I could not do what I love and have some sort of life outside of my family. He sounds like he loves you and maybe you should just sit him down and have a serious heart-to-heart with him explaining to him how important this is to you and how belittling it is to you when he makes comments like, "You can work full-time and I'll stay home". Good luck, I hope you can find happiness in your personal and professional life :)
 

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I think it's a wise idea to "keep a foot in" the working world...even if you could be a SAHM. (in fact, I think it's a good thing to do just for the sake of your kids)

I mean, anything could happen...if a woman's been out of the workforce for twenty years and her husband suddenly dies or leaves her...she could be in a pretty bad spot.

But if she'd been working 2 shifts or so a week as a nurse during those 20 years...then...that adjustment to supporting herself/kids full time isn't such a difficult and dreadful shock

For me, it's the fear of being completely dependent on a spouse financially that makes me think I couldn't be a full time SAHM forever...


I've known two women with (well-off) husbands who suddenly ended the marriage...and both of them experienced a drastic dive in their lifestyle

It was enough to scare me

This is probably a control issue with your husband
 

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It's good for grown-ups to have time with other grown-ups outside of the house, whether that's working for money or volunteering or just hobbies. Otherwise we turn into crazy-people.

Does he say why he doesn't like you working, other than that he feels it isn't necessary financially? Is there some particular aspect that bothers him?
 

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Men can be like that sometimes.
But I think its necessary that you keep working because he'
self employed.
He's making good money now, but should anything happen in the future, he will have to rely on you,
And then he will thank you.
 

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How many shifts per week do you want to work, and what is the exact time of his work and your work?

If for example he works from 9-5 5 days per week and you want to work nights 5 days a week, this is a terrible idea for your marriage.
 
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