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My husband and I have been best friends since the 8th grade. We have been dating for 8 years and married for 3. When we had first gotten married we were going through a phase where we tripped on acid almost every other day. We also smoked pot on a day to day basis for many years. I started to feel like I was going crazy and stopped tripping. That was about 2 years ago. I know that when two people have that kind of experience together they develop a certain kind of bond. This bond is based on a false sense of reality. I was young and never thought about the long term effects this would have on not only me but on us as a couple. When I stopped tripping he said he felt like he lost a certain kind of connection with me. About 5 months ago we got into an argument and he flipped out and left. He told me it was over. I was devastated. We argued quite a bit but I still loved him and have loved him since I was a little girl. We were 21 when we got married. After being split up for 9 days, he came home and said he still didn't feel like he was completely committed to me. Ive changed so much over the last few months. I quit smoking pot (He still does), I work out everyday, I keep my temper in check. Im a good wife to him. I cook and clean, work, go to school, and provide as much as I can for him. He is very spoiled. He has never had to work for anything he has while I have struggled to attain everything. Im working 55 hours a week and going to school part time so he can go to school full time. Im very supportinve and will help him succeed at following his dreams in any way that I can. He had plans to move away for school before we split up. When we got back together, one minute he wasn't sure if he was committed the next minute he told me he was completely in love with me. I made the sacrifice and moved away with him. Now we have been here for about 3 months. We go to marriage counseling about once a week and it doesnt seem to be helping at all. He has ADHD and suffers from depression. Ive cried everyday for about a week. I feel like after everything, he wants to just throw me away. He tells me everyday that he loves me so much but isn't sure what he wants anymore. Ive tried to be supportive. We go out to fancy restaurants, share and enjoy similar hobbies and interests while still doing seperate things with our friends. I love him so much and the though of losing him is unbearable. The day he left, I experienced the worst pain Ive ever felt. I have friends and family that will be there for me no matter what but since I moved away to be with him they are now 3 hours away. I wish there was something I can do. Ive worked so hard on myself and am in a much better place than before. This feels like torture but I want to make my marriage work. I believe in my vows and will try to fix it all Im just not sure how to if part of him has given up. When we split up before he gave me a list of reasons for us to not get a divorce. Mostly to benefit himself. Sorry if this is all so much at once. Its been a long day and Im feeling completely desperate.
 

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Why do you want to be with him?

What does he bring to the table?

He sounds more than a bit selfish.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Why do you want to be with him?

What does he bring to the table?

He sounds more than a bit selfish.
I want to be with him because I love him so much and have for 10 years. I'm close to his family and will not only be losing him but them as well. Hes been my best friend for so long. I really dont understand at all why he feels this way when im so good to him. He's been my other half for so long it's hard to imagine life without him. He know me so well and I enjoy spending time with him. We have a blast when things are going great. He is selfish in so many ways but everyone around him, his family I'm guessing is telling him it's ok to want to worry only about himself. His idea of marriage has changed and he said he was drugged up when he propose and when we got married.
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I want to be with him because I love him so much and have for 10 years. I'm close to his family and will not only be losing him but them as well. Hes been my best friend for so long. I really dont understand at all why he feels this way when im so good to him. He's been my other half for so long it's hard to imagine life without him. He know me so well and I enjoy spending time with him. We have a blast when things are going great. He is selfish in so many ways but everyone around him, his family I'm guessing is telling him it's ok to want to worry only about himself. His idea of marriage has changed and he said he was drugged up when he propose and when we got married.
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So in other words he brings nothing to the table and the only reason you want to be with him is emotional.

That`s ok we all run on emotion for large parts of our lives.

I feel it`s only right to tell you that emotions will often lead you astray.

How does he make your life better?

See, I`m trying to get through to you that it sounds like you can do far better than the man you currently have your sites on.

You`ll never know until you can get some distance from him and get those emotions to take a back seat for awhile.
 

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When he's Not depressed he is great. He does contribute to our relationship. He helps pay the bills. He supportive, exciting and would make a great father. I know he loves me so much he's just incredibly lost in life and I am the easiest to blame for it.
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