My husband begs for sex constantly

29179 Views 95 Replies 43 Participants Last post by Bluecollar, Jun 12, 2013

gamer

Discussion Starter · Nov 27, 2012

I'm 22 and my husband is 25. We've been married for a year and a half. Back in April he had attempted to have sex with me whilst I was asleep and actually penetrated me. I've felt hurt and turned off from him since then. Every time we speak or see eachother he pushes me to have sex. He says things like "Are you almost done with your period yet? I want booty." He does it every day, multiple times. Any time we do have sex he always asks to go another round.

Sex for me isn't really enjoyable. I've been a victim of sexual abuse since I was 5. I was molested at 6, my first sexual encounter at 14 was rape, and within the past two years I have been gang raped twice.

I don't feel sexually attracted to him at all, even if he kisses me to passionately it makes me want to turn away because I feel smothered. He is talking with a counselor at work (he's in USMC) and the counselor is trying to keep him from pushing me away. I need help either increasing my SD or decreasing his!

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CuddleBug

· #2 · Nov 27, 2012

I am very sorry for what's happened to you.

Sounds like your hubby has a healthy and high sex drive. That's normal for a guy in his 20's by the way.

I would of chatted about having sex with you while you're asleep beforehand and that goes either way. If I did that to my wife, she would of freaked out!!! If she would of done that to me, I would be in heaven......

When I was in my teens and early to mid 20's, same as your hubby. 1 - 3 times almost every day.

I'm older now, 39, but since I weight train, eat healthy and take non - steroidal supplements, my sex drive is almost as high at times like I was in my teens and 20's. Could be once every day or up to 3 times an hour still, but I have more control now.

Decreasing a male's sex drive is near impossible. We are built on testosterone and that makes us in the mood a lot more, bigger, stronger, etc. Short of giving him an estrogen booster and testosterone blocker, there isn't that much you can do.

CanadianGuy

· #3 · Nov 27, 2012

I am sorry to hear of all the sexual abuse and assault in your past. That must be very difficult for you.

Have you been to counseling for this?

Your husband is being a selfish insensitive jerk. Was he like this before you were married?

Reactions: 1

humanbecoming

· #4 · Nov 27, 2012

Are you doing any form of therapy? Given what you have been through, that needs to be your (and his) top priority right now. Don't get me wrong, if you cannot have a healthy sexual relationship eventually, you need to cut him loose, but in the short term, you need to deal with the scars that you have from your a abuse and rapes.

Reactions: 2

CuddleBug

· #5 · Nov 27, 2012 (Edited)

Counseling is an excellent idea. Can't go wrong there.

As newly weds, being intimate almost all the time is normal and expected. Now go 10+ years down the road with minimal to no sex......married?

I'm sure if us guys could shut off our sex drive just like that, it would be a good thing, but we can't. Compromise is the key here. He wants "you" all the time, a good thing. What would be a middle ground for intimacy? Has to be a middle ground. It can't be what you only want, it has to be for both of you......

Reactions: 2

dubbizle

· #6 · Nov 27, 2012

Why did you get married ? you have way too many other issues going on.Does your husband know about all of your history?

You both need to go to counseling[NOW] because I am sure he has no clue on how to work with you to help you get better.He sees his hor bride who he just wants to have sex with all the time like many new couples do.

Reactions: 5

sinnister

· #7 · Nov 27, 2012

dubbizle said:
Why did you get married ? you have way too many other issues going on.Does your husband know about all of your history?

You both need to go to counseling[NOW] because I am sure he has no clue on how to work with you to help you get better.He sees his hor bride who he just wants to have sex with all the time like many new couples do.

I was just going to post this. With your history OP, you are not marriage material until you deal with the past. Guy are going to want sex from their wife...there's no avoiding it.

Reactions: 4

Hicks

· #8 · Nov 27, 2012

He wants sex with you becuase he loves you.

You have a history that ties sex with hate, instead of love.

I recommend therapy / counseling.

Reactions: 4

MaritimeGuy

· #9 · Nov 27, 2012

His sex drive is normal and healthy. Unfortunately your sex drive is inhibited by past sexual trauma. It is my opinion you need to seek out professional help process this trauma.

At some point your relationship will be impacted by the sex.

Reactions: 1

Chris Taylor

· #10 · Nov 27, 2012

Guys... penetrating a sleeping woman does not constitute a "normal" sex drive. Let's just say he was overly horny that night, but that is being nice about it.

OP... does your husband know about the past sexual abuse and rape?

Reactions: 2

MaritimeGuy

· #11 · Nov 27, 2012

Chris Taylor said:
Guys... penetrating a sleeping woman does not constitute a "normal" sex drive. Let's just say he was overly horny that night, but that is being nice about it.

OP... does your husband know about the past sexual abuse and rape?

It may very well be inappropriate but I know when I was in my early 20's learning about sex with my wife I crossed a lot of lines too. That's how I learned what was acceptable and what was not. I don't know that all woman would be offended by this.

Obviously in light of her past it was particularly egregious. It was certainly worth talking about to ensure nothing like it happens again.

I believe a 20 something woman should be enjoying an active sex life. The OP indicates she does not enjoy sex. It would appear past trauma is an underlying factor. I don't believe that's the kind of trauma many women can work through on their own.

WorkingOnMe

· #12 · Nov 27, 2012

Married 1.5 years, but gang raped twice in the past 2 years? Assuming you knew your husband for 6 months at least before you were married, where was he during all of this?

Reactions: 1

JoeHenderson

· #13 · Nov 27, 2012

Chris Taylor said:
Guys... penetrating a sleeping woman does not constitute a "normal" sex drive. Let's just say he was overly horny that night, but that is being nice about it.

OP... does your husband know about the past sexual abuse and rape?

Husband needs to learn boundaries regarding sex, especially regarding your trauma history. It would be beneficial for you, OP, to process these traumas with a therapist who is experienced with trauma work.

It might be good for both individuals to start off with individual counseling, and then find a good marriage counselor when you're both feeling grounded enough.

Catherine602

· #14 · Nov 27, 2012

sinnister said:
I was just going to post this. With your history OP, you are not marriage material until you deal with the past. Guy are going to want sex from their wife...there's no avoiding it.

I think this is a very cruel thing to say to her when she is obviously distressed and coming here for help. She has been through terrible traumas in a short period of time.

I think she deserves our compassion and helpful suggestions. If you can't manage that then don't bother to post.

It is an unfortunate condition of life that the sins of one person is visited upon another. I am certain you have experienced it many times. So have I.

And I have also fallen into the trap of blaming the victim. I know I am wrong though and censure myself before I say anything out loud. You might do the same.

sinnister

· #15 · Nov 27, 2012

Catherine602 said:
I think this is a very cruel thing to say to her when she is obviously distressed and coming here for help. She has been through terrible traumas in a short period of time.

I think she deserves our compassion and helpful suggestions. If you can't manage that then don't bother to post.

It is an unfortunate condition of life that the sins of one person is visited upon another. I am certain you have experienced it many times. So have I.

And I have also fallen into the trap of blaming the victim. I know I am wrong though and censure myself before I say anything out loud. You might do the same.

I actually was trying to be helpful. I'll take a softer approach. She isn't ready to be in a committed faithful relationship that will require her to have sex frequently if she's been through that horrible trauma - without getting help to deal.

Better?

Reactions: 4

hookares

· #16 · Nov 27, 2012

I agree. Since he didn't come here looking for help, why should any consideration be given to him? I'm sure HER problems can be solved by ignoring his issues as well.

Woodchuck

· #17 · Nov 27, 2012

I am sure that over the years I have tried the same thing with my wife more than a few times, she would just wake up roll her eyes, smile, and go on to a nice "O"...I am sorry you couldn't accept his advances in the proper spirit and just embrace the moment....

I understand you are carrying some baggage, and if he was aware of it, he should have been more sensitive....

Reactions: 1

Zatol Ugot?

· #18 · Nov 27, 2012

Gamer,
First, let me say that your previous experiences were terrible and if you haven't already done so, you need to seek counseling to help yourself in dealing with the emotional wreckage that is likely there.
Second, your husband's attempt to have sex with you while you were sleeping was inappropriate and a bit immature. However, as was previously posted, other women might respond to that type of effort in a positive manner. Obviously, your past should have been a clue to him that greater care should have been taken to make sure that you wanted his advances.
In an effort to better understand the situation, can you provide a little more detail. You said that your husband begs for sex every time you see each other or talk and he wants to know when you are getting off your period because he wants "booty". In a young, newly married couple, I really don't find this too terribly odd. How often do you have sex with your husband? If you have sex with him several times a week, I could likely understand your frustration. If it is only once every few months, that's another story. Either way, I agree with others that counseling is a good idea.

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Reactions: 1

coupdegrace

· #19 · Nov 27, 2012

gamer said:
I'm 22 and my husband is 25. We've been married for a year and a half. Back in April he had attempted to have sex with me whilst I was asleep and actually penetrated me. I've felt hurt and turned off from him since then. Every time we speak or see eachother he pushes me to have sex. He says things like "Are you almost done with your period yet? I want booty." He does it every day, multiple times. Any time we do have sex he always asks to go another round.

Sex for me isn't really enjoyable. I've been a victim of sexual abuse since I was 5. I was molested at 6, my first sexual encounter at 14 was rape, and within the past two years I have been gang raped twice.

I don't feel sexually attracted to him at all, even if he kisses me to passionately it makes me want to turn away because I feel smothered. He is talking with a counselor at work (he's in USMC) and the counselor is trying to keep him from pushing me away. I need help either increasing my SD or decreasing his!

I don't intend to be insensitive here, but why did you get married in the first place? It sounds as if he has always been perpetually horny and you have been cautious towards sex because of your past. The two don't sound like a good mix. Additionally, if you're not sexually attracted to him, why get married?

...and let's not tiptoe around the other issue here, and that's rape. Non-consensual sex is rape, and your husband is a prick for doing it, and drunk is not an excuse.

It sounds as if you two have a TON of issues to work through. Perhaps you should attend counseling together to try and work through said issues.

Reactions: 1

Created2Write

· #20 · Nov 27, 2012

Catherine602 said:
I think this is a very cruel thing to say to her when she is obviously distressed and coming here for help. She has been through terrible traumas in a short period of time.

I think she deserves our compassion and helpful suggestions. If you can't manage that then don't bother to post.

It is an unfortunate condition of life that the sins of one person is visited upon another. I am certain you have experienced it many times. So have I.

And I have also fallen into the trap of blaming the victim. I know I am wrong though and censure myself before I say anything out loud. You might do the same.

Where was anyone blaming her for anything? The only point being made was that, in a 20-something healthy male, sex is going to be an important, if not one of the most important, aspects of married life. Since her sexual experiences have been negative, she needs to hear the truth: that none all desire is selfish, and that her husbands desire for her is vastly different than that of rape and molestation. This doesn't mean that anything is her fault, it just means that things are going to be difficult for both of them.

Reactions: 5

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