I've read a lot of threads with men referring to turning back into "Alphas" and the like - that they were too nice in their relationship and they got stepped on. Well, I'm not *****y to my man and not cruel, but lately I have found him annoying and unattractive. I'm not a big fan of the advice some of the guys on the threads give about how the guy should turn into a jerk. I'm more interested in how I get him to just assert himself more.
Anyone else experience this? How did you communicate with your guy to get him to stop being so nice?
Holland, you're a very lucky woman. It's rare to find the PROPER combination of alpha and beta in a man. And this is probably one of the bigger problems in life.
Recognize the number 1 rule of men. Men are simple and singular in thought.
We are simpler than women. We tend to be one persona and that's it. We find a way that works for us and we're happy with and that's the direction we go, nice guy, bad boy, alpha, beta, whatever. Women tend to want complex multi-faceted personalities.
I want a man who's strong aggressive and assertive...but only SOME times. Other times, he needs to be soft sensitive and romantic. And I'll get frustrated if I don't get my way (with said strong, aggressive and assertive man)
I want a nice guy, but when a nice guy wants a date, I spurn him for his bad boy friend, and then get really confused when the bad boy turns out to be...well...a bad boy.
The guy who is very opinionated turns you away from a long term relationship because you don't get your way so you marry a guy who actually asks your opinion and does what you want...then 5 years later you're complaining how he doesn't just take control, or just make plans without consulting you and isn't spontaneous.
Remember, think singularly in your thought process and you'll see why men are so confused by women. Most men anyway. Some men have realized this dynamic and strive to be more "complex" but most don't, they just scratch their head and are confused why women say they want one thing, then a year later complain because they're getting that thing.
If you want your man to change, promote the environment for change. And do it from a singular thought process. For instance, you want your man to start taking more control, teach him through YOU refusing to take control. Like if you're going to have a date night. Ask him to "take you out on a date." Then don't give ANY hints or make ANY decisions. The first date night will be very awkward. The second will get a bit better, but by the fourth or fifth date night, he'll start actually planning them. See the trick?
Hope you find the humor I intended in this and also find it helpful.