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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(this is long and wordy ... I'm sorry ... but I am just at the end of my rope and need to at least vent)

I can't shake this feeling that she is, at the very least, finished with wanting to be my wife. At worst she may already be having an affair.

My gut tells me something is wrong. My stomach is constantly in knots and no matter what I do I keep ending up with the same feeling.

In general she seems completely disinterested in me. Always time for her friends or work etc but never for me. I constantly ask if she'd like me to go with her to the store or whatever and usually I go with her. But then if I'm going somewhere and ask if she wants to go she isn't interested.

She texts all the time. In the car .. in the living room watching TV etc etc. When I ask her who she is texting she gets mad and tells me I'm being controlling or nosy.

It has gotten to the point that I have even started keeping track of the mileage on her car. I'm ashamed of this point and it really makes me feel sick thinking that I've come to this.

BUT on a few occasions she has come home from <-insertLocation-> and when I check the mileage just doesn't add up.

For example, one night she said she was going to our favorite nearby bar and grill. This place is exactly 3.2 miles from our house. But when she got home there were 11 miles on the car. I asked her how it went there and she said the usual, fun etc. I asked if she'd gone anyplace else and she said no.

This case in particular is one of the main reasons I can't shake this feeling. Why would she lie?

Then there's sex. Things seemed good (even getting better after 17 years of marriage and her sex drive seemed to be up a lot more) ... until a few months ago (august-ish) and I started having some ED issues. We 'worked' with what we had but by October it was just 'not there'. So I scheduled an appointment and by the first part of December I was on Viagra.

The only thing is now I've got the Viagra and she never seems to be in the mood. Trying to say, "I'm taking my medicine tonight <wink>" really takes a TON of the romance/spontaneity out of it and then on nights when I think it is likely I'll work out optimum circumstances (light meal, no alcohol etc) but then .. NOTHING.

We sit in the living room and she is glued to flipping through facebook or pinetrest and/or sending a receiving texts.

Then we go to bed and if I'm lucky she's awake watching some TV but not a word. I'm to the point (at that point) that I get tired of trying to initiate intimacy only to have her push me away or say she's tired or whatever.

I've tried talking to her and telling her how I feel but she tells me it's all in my head. I tell her I feel like I'm losing her or that she doesn't seem to want me (in any way shape or form) any longer.

All in my head .. and don't forget the eye roll. That's comforting.

Then like the other day, she's talking about stress at work. I tell her to stop stressing. She's one of the best employees there and they have told her on plenty of occasions how great a job she does. Long story short ... she is so concerned with work that it seems like it is more important to her than I am.

So anyway ... She was talking about stress and I told her that maybe I could help her with that <wink wink>. Eye roll.

So I tell her we could definitely be having more sex and that would definitely help her with the stress. Change subject. I call her out on changing the subject and she rolls her eyes and leaves the room.

I don't know what to do at this point. I tell her how I feel and she blows me off and/or rolls her eyes and/or tells me it's all in my head.

We'll have a good night (fun .. laughing .. joking) and I'll start to think that it's all in my head or whatever and next thing I know we're back to not talking for a week or she's got to work 30-45min late on something and that she's going straight to the gym.

I'm sorry this is so long ... I just don't know what to do, say or how to act anymore. It's tearing me up inside and it seems like there is nothing I can do about it.

:(
 

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Many red flags. Start investigating. VAR in the car, keylogger on computer and phone. Look at phone records.

Ask a mod to move this to the CWI forum. Also in the CWI forum is an 'evidence gathering' thread you could read.

Also read the newbie link in my signature.

Gather your evidence and when you have incontrovertible proof, kick her out. Don't whine and plead, just end it. If there's any hope, that will wake her up and you can then start working on your marriage.
 

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Might want to copy this to the Coping with Infidelity section to get advice from both men and women, BS and WS.

Whether your wife is having an affair or is heading to one - the signs aren't good.

Whatever you do, don't beg for anything. Start working on yourself - work out, go out yourself, get back in touch with friends.

In the meantime, keep tabs on what your gut is telling you. Hate to say this, but your gut is probably right.

Sorry for what you're going through - start actions NOW before it's too late.
 

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Is she deleting all of her texts? Can you call your cell phone company and find out what phone numbers she calls..see if there are alot with one number. You need to start snooping. I had an EA and I was acting just like her. EA=emotional affair
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Is she deleting all of her texts? Can you call your cell phone company and find out what phone numbers she calls..see if there are alot with one number. You need to start snooping. I had an EA and I was acting just like her. EA=emotional affair
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I don't have access to the phone account. I've always had a cell phone through work so I've never needed to be on her cell account.

It is her account (with our two sons). Then when I try to talk about getting my own (the work phone sucks) and getting on the account she says they won't let her add a line.
 

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I don't have access to the phone account. I've always had a cell phone through work so I've never needed to be on her cell account.

It is her account (with our two sons). Then when I try to talk about getting my own (the work phone sucks) and getting on the account she says they won't let her add a line.
yes. they will. unless you have some weird carrier. my at&t account has 5 numbers attached to it.
i would watch her. keylog the computer at the very least. what kind of phone does she have?
 

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VAR= voice activated recorder

sprint allows five lines on a shared plan, ten lines on a single account. if im not mistaken.
i think perhaps you are being bamboozled. i have a sinking feeling that she just doesnt want you getting your hands on her account history. because if she is involved with someone else ther is LOTS of evidence there oh yes.
one way to find out, call sprint, give them your wifes number, tell them who you are, and simply ask them if your wife can add another line. im sure they would tell you.

i cannot help you retrieve deleted messages from an SII, sorry. i dont know how.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
VAR= voice activated recorder

sprint allows five lines on a shared plan, ten lines on a single account. if im not mistaken.
i think perhaps you are being bamboozled. i have a sinking feeling that she just doesnt want you getting your hands on her account history. because if she is involved with someone else ther is LOTS of evidence there oh yes.
one way to find out, call sprint, give them your wifes number, tell them who you are, and simply ask them if your wife can add another line. im sure they would tell you.

i cannot help you retrieve deleted messages from an SII, sorry. i dont know how.
I just spoke with a Sprint Customer Service rep (thankfully I know her social and was able to get at least MINIMAL info) ... he says that the account is only approved for 3 lines at this time and cannot have a fourth line added at this time.

Could it be a credit issue?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
yes most likely thats exactly what it is.
We've scraped by the last few years ... bad credit has been one of the consequences of juggling bills :/

Oh well ... I guess that is the least of my concerns.

:(

I am so at a loss with this whole situation. I don't know what to do or say anymore and it feels like the more I try the further from a 'fix' I get.

I thought about asking about the two of us seeing a marriage counselor but then I'm even scared of THAT ... what if she blows it off ... or says she can't because of work or just flat out WON'T?

This sucks.
 

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you should ask. you should INSIST, if you value your marriage.
if she resists or flat-out refuses or dismisses you, well i suppose that will give you an idea of where she stands on your marriage. a pretty good idea, i would imagine.
 

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Does she work? Who pays for the cell phones?

Why does a married woman go out to bars with out her husband? Are you her baby sitter?

If you want to know you what's going on, be discrete and do the following.

Put a keylogger on any computer that she uses

Put a spy wear with gps on her cell phone

Put a VAR in her car and the house

Check her email, chat and FB histories

Get your carrier's phone logs for calls and text to numbers and verify who she is in contact with.

When you find out who the OM is, find out his family situation, home address and employment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Does she work? Who pays for the cell phones?

Why does a married woman go out to bars with out her husband? Are you her baby sitter?

If you want to know you what's going on, be discrete and do the following.

Put a keylogger on any computer that she uses

Put a spy wear with gps on her cell phone

Put a VAR in her car and the house

Check her email, chat and FB histories

Get your carrier's phone logs for calls and text to numbers and verify who she is in contact with.

When you find out who the OM is, find out his family situation, home address and employment.
She works .. she makes very slightly more than I do ..

All our money goes into one account and she handles the bills.

She goes with her girlfriend(s) whom she has known since grade school.

I don't want to be her babysitter .. I want to be her husband.

Is there a key logger for a tablet? She spends most of her facebook time on the tablet ... rarely uses her PC.

How do I put a spyware w/GPS on her phone?

I don't have access to the cell phone account because I am not on the account.
 
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