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Just the basics.

I remarried in June.

In August my daughter took SR pics. On of her requests was her mother and I. I did not know about this until we met with the photographer.

My wife was not pleased. She felt it dishonored her/our marriage to have a pic of the three of us (my ex).

I took the pic. It was just one of many. Including ones I took individually with my daughter.

My daughter posted the pic on her FB page and tagged me. My wife hit the ceiling. I did un-tag it but understood my wife to say she wanted it down. I then asked my daughter to remove it explaining that I felt it dishonored our marriage to portray the three of us as "family".

My daughter was very hurt. She really blew up at me. called screaming hysterically. Saying i was putting my wife above her. Saying she doesn't even know who i am anymore. Saying I was blaming her for our "marital issues".

She is hiding behind her mother who is acting as a go-between. I am trying to communicate with her directly. Her mother tells me she wants no communication with me.

My daughter tweets how perfect her mother and "step-dad's" marriage is and how she hopes she can have one that awesome dome day.

My daughter tells me her mother has never put anyone in front of her.

My ex committed adultery and abandoned our marriage. I left and didn't call her mother out through the process because I saw my daughter's heart crushed. I do not think her mother has ever told her this.

My daughter has heard from my lips that I got the divorce because her mother wanted it. I told her in a respectful way when she asked. I told her no other details.

When going through it, I always told God the only thing I wanted was my daughter's heart.

I have been too easy on her as a Dad. But that is probably because I felt so bad for her.

I have repented in prayer for any expectation of score keeping in anything I did.

I love my daughter with all my heart. I love my wife the same way. I want so much for my daughter to have a relationship with my wife. She is a Godly woman who has much she can impart.

I don't feel I/we deserve this treatment. I feel like standing my ground (although always humble to anything I may have done wrong.). As much as I love her, you cannot let a child run the show.

My heart is aching. I want my daughter to be a vital part of this new family.

Any thoughts? I would be especially interested in the Godly wife/mother view.

Thanks!
 

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This is a very sensitive issue.

But I'd feel upset if I could never take a picture with my mother and father together ever again...

Your wife seems insecure...but...she feels what she feels.

I hope you find peace with all of this.
 

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You can only do just so much. Pray for your daughter and your wife. Pray for their relationship. That's really all you can do. Put it in God's hands. You were given advice in your other thread. I agree with that. That said, senior pics with parents? Weird to me. I never did that, nor did anyone I know. I know my sister won't be taking pics with her ex-husband when it comes time for her kids' pics. Seriously, never heard of that for senior pics.

However, I have to say: you agreed to take the pic with your ex and daughter. There is no reason your daughter should have been expected to NOT post the pic. And your wife knew about it. Your wife was wrong about that incident. But your daughter, I think, blames you for the break up of your marriage...even though you told her that her mother wanted it. She doesn't know the circumstances, and I am not suggesting that you tell her. But that is probably why she lashes out at you and your wife. No matter what you have told her, she believes you abandoned them. Unfortunately, I thinkt he only way she will get past that is if you or her mother tells her the truth. Not details, but the basics. Somehow, I don't see that happening though. So, all you can do is pray.
 

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Your exwife, daughter and you are a family. You and your ex-wife share a biological connection to your daughter. She is half yours, half hers. You are both her family. Your daughter was right to tag the photo as family. If you're both not her family then who is? The biological connection you three share is there and will be there regardless of whether you've remarried.

You were wrong to untag the photo. Wrong, wrong wrong.

Your current wife has huge issues with insecurity. She's very immature. I can't believe she's threatened by a photo of your child with her two parents. IF you don't address this with your wife and if you continue to take her side against your daughter, you'll find that when you're an old man, your daughter won't have much to do with you. I've seen this happen with friends of mine.

I grew up in a stable home where both my parents remained married to each other, but if I were in your daughter's shoes, I would be so hurt. I can see your daughter's point of view. You did take your wife's side of things.
 

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To the OP: your new wife is insecure, has no boundaries and has no respect for you nor your daughter. You married a controlling twat!

The op needs to man up, be that stand up man of God and lay hands on his wife and rebuke Satan out of her reprobate soul!

Seriously have a talk with your wife and help her see the selfish damage that she has done to your daughter.

This is a divorcable offense!
 

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OP...What ever you decide to do, do it quickly, do not let time pass. By coming here it shows, you are open to doing the right thing but just are not sure what it is.

The daughter feels cheated not having both parents.

You need to have a heart to heart with your daughter and fill her in on some of the facts of the divorce in a very non judgmental way as possible explaining about your wife's affair.

Your current wife married you knowing of your daughter and should not be acting in such an immature manner
 

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I agree with everyone else.
Your wife is out of line and being very selfish.

You were wrong IMO to untag and ask for the photo to be removed... i believe you need to apologize to your daughter.

Your daughter has two parents...you remarrying doesn't change that in any way.

Show your pride in your daughter and her wonderful achievement!
Personally I would post that pic on my own timeline and show everyone how clever my girl is.

This is a time is for your DAUGHTER to shine. .. please don't let anyone ruin if for her. She won't get THIS time back again.

PS: what you ex-wife did or didn't do during your marriage has no relevance on THIS issue...it would be petty and small of you to bring that up now.

Move on and be a good Dad.
 

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You picked your new wife's tantrum over your daughter's little picture of her "old" family.

And you don't seem to get that that was a BIG MISTAKE on your part.

Yeah...your daughter rightfully feels like you've chosen your wife's whims over her.

All the stuff about who wanted the divorce is completely IRRELEVANT as far as your daughter is concerned...she DIDN'T want it...that's all that matters.

(My mother died of cancer, and my father remarried about a year ago...my step-mother is the same way...and yeah...if I was in your daughter shoe's over this particular issue...I would react the same way)

YOU MESSED UP HERE....you're lucky she wanted a picture with you at all (I certainly don't with my dad)...so dude...just apologize...and in the future make better decisions.
 

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You need to show this thread with all its posts to your current wife. So she can see what uninvolved, unknown people think about this situation.

Hopefully the new W can see this is an important, one time event for your daughter. Put the picture back on FB and tell your daughter how proud you are of her.
 

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Having been the daughter in a similar situation, please let me advise: your daughter is your blood, your wife needs to understand that this isn't about HER it's about your daughter.

I went through this kind of thing for YEARS between my father, his wife and my mother. It continues to this day, and I barely speak to my father/step-mom. My father "chose" his wife in so many ways over me and it permanently destroyed our relationship.

Don't let that happen to you.
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To the OP: your new wife is insecure, has no boundaries and has no respect for you nor your daughter. You married a controlling twat!

The op needs to man up, be that stand up man of God and lay hands on his wife and rebuke Satan out of her reprobate soul!

Seriously have a talk with your wife and help her see the selfish damage that she has done to your daughter.

This is a divorcable offense!
This was uncalled for. If he is laying hands on his wife and manning up, maybe he should lay hands on you next for calling his wife a twat.

I think you wife is a bit insecure but I think on some level your daughter did this on purpose to cause a riff between you and your wife. She could have simply been respectful of your situation and your ex-wife and taken the pictures with each individual parent. Also making post about how great her stepdad's marriage and her mother's is:scratchhead: She probably knows you will see that. Your daughter has some resentment against you and probably doesn't like that you remarried. It's not like you didn't take the damn picture. Just untagged yourself. It's much bigger than that. She's not a kid. I think you should tell her about what happened in the marriage. But don't bring it up suddenly. Maybe during some quality time with her and in the flow of the conversation just talk about we led all of you guys to point of where you all are in your lives.
 

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Your new wife's attitude is unreasonable.

You come with previous history. When she married you, she should have accepted that this might have happened.

It seems a very controlling thing for her to do.
 

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I don't think your wife is as bad as everyone is making her. You are no longer married to your ex-wife, she cheated on you and you both moved on and you shouldn't have to take pictures with her if you don't want to. I would have been uncomfortable with this as a spouse. Although I would not have reacted like your wife. But I think your wife flipped out maybe because she feel the relationship is threatened somehow. Also, you haven't been married that long. You are still in the honeymoon phase, not even a year. I think it really hurt her feelings as your new wife. Your wife was overly emotional and didn't communicate well. I think you need to be firm with both your wife and daughter. I think this was a passive aggressive attack by your daughter though. I don't think what she was asking was very respectful of your situation and since it was her day she made her play.
 

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Give the daughter a break. She's a teenager. It's a period filled with angst and probably even more so since her parents are divorced. She's not the one who is in the wrong here. It's his grown up new wife. His current wife is an adult. She entered into this marriage knowing the OP has a teenage daughter. If she's this insecure with his relationship with his daughter, she shouldn't have married him.

The untagging was wrong because the OP and his ex-wife (regardless of the circumstances of the marriage falling apart) are still the daughter's family. To say we're not family anymore as the OP did isn't true in the daughter's eyes. The ex-wife and he will always be her parents and her family. Did he cease being her father because of the divorce? No. Did the ex-wife cease being the mother because of the divorce? No. And the Bible would even support the daughter thinking of them as a family...just pointing that out since the OP asked for a Christian perspective.
 

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Give the daughter a break. She's a teenager. It's a period filled with angst and probably even more so since her parents are divorced. She's not the one who is in the wrong here. It's his grown up new wife. His current wife is an adult. She entered into this marriage knowing the OP has a teenage daughter. If she's this insecure with his relationship with his daughter, she shouldn't have married him.

The untagging was wrong because the OP and his ex-wife (regardless of the circumstances of the marriage falling apart) are still the daughter's family. To say we're not family anymore as the OP did isn't true in the daughter's eyes. The ex-wife and he will always be her parents and her family. Did he cease being her father because of the divorce? No. Did the ex-wife cease being the mother because of the divorce? No. And the Bible would even support the daughter thinking of them as a family...just pointing that out since the OP asked for a Christian perspective.
His wife is wrong. But so is his daughter. Her being a teenager doesn't excuse her behavior, it just explains it. Besides it's not like she is 5. She's graduating high school. I think his wife is insecure because she has barely been married 5 months and her husband is taking family photos with his ex-wife. I think she handled it wrong and she panicked and needed validation about the two of them in their marriage. The daughter and his new wife I bet are in a power struggle for his attention and affection. What if his daughter had wanted him and his ex-wife to hold hands? Or all of them smiling and having this great big group hug? I am not telling him to neglect his daughter. Absolutely not. But he is remarried. He surely can't neglect his wife's feeling of needing to feel secure in this marriage. He has to tell his wife that untagging himself in pictures doesn't validate their marriage even more. And maybe they should have some kind of marriage counseling. But he also has to be careful of his daughter making a habit of these kind of gestures. His wife and daughter have to respect and understand each other. His wife is not horrible I feel. Just overly emotional and feel insecure about the marriage.
 

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If taking a picture standing next to your ex-wife is all that it takes for your new wife to make you feel insecure in your marriage, either she or your marriage have some serious problems.

To make people feel better, the daughter could have had a group photo with the two sets of parents. Would that have been less weird, or more weird? I don't know.

Is the new wife going to hit the fan later when the daughter gets married and invites them all and wants pictures then too? Or - should she not invite her father, knowing his new wife will have a tantrum if her mother the ex is also invited?

Which, might be what she means about the ex and step-dad having a more secure/better marriage. Apparently, the step-dad didn't feel his wife taking a picture with her ex with the sake of their daughter, somehow invalidated their marriage. Which says to me, the step-dad seems to be emotionally secure. Or - alternatively, he did have a fit, and the mother ignored him, hence the daughter feeling her mother didn't put her new spouse before the daughter's feelings.

Also, I'm going to counter other posters ideas - starting a smear campaign and making it a he-said/she-said about what ended the marriage, and painting the mom as a cheater, won't help. That's not going to change the way your new wife perceives your daughter and her mom as a threat, and then she treats them accordingly. And it will likely just alienate your daughter more.
 
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