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Discussion Starter #1
I am new here, been reading a whole lot on this forum for some kind of understanding what is going on with my wife.

Here is my story, D-day was 9/18/2012, 1 day after my 3yr old sons b-day. My W called me at work ( i could tell something was wrong) to tell me that she had gone to court and filed D!! We had a 40min conversation to which she told me that she was done! She was completely drained from the last year and she was not happy. That day I was told to move out.Quick background of the last year. My W was pregnant with my youngest son, and trying to open a new bussiness, and caring for my oldest son then 2yrs old. I was working alot of OT to support the household and helping afterwork get the bussiness ready for grand opening. We were renting a house, moved into to my MIL house to save to buy a new house, that was on labor day. I was there only 2 weeks.You get the jist of the stress i was under, needless to say I cracked. I could not handle it, i got overwelmed and eventually got on some meds to deal w/ my anxiety and eventually drank more than usual for me (about 2-3 beers a night) i have since quit.

In the last month she has filed the paperwork, served me, and now in a few days we will be going to a court clininc to finish everything! All in a months time!! Crazy. I am 34 she is 30, we have 2 little boys 3 & 1.5. We have been together 6yrs married 5.5yrs. She has all the signs of a WAW. She is extremely cold and negative when it comes to the marriage. She even goes as far as to say that this is going to be better for the boys.

Since D-day, I did not do the typicall song and dance (beg,plead, cry, etc.) Instead i just agreed with her and said that we had some issues but i did not think that this was the answer. I have read 6 books, all the greats listed in this forum already. Since D-day we have contact only through text, basically having to do w/ our boys. We have even figured out all our divorce split over text. I have called 3 times, only because texting would take forever. I slipped a few times in the begining sending flowers, cards, and gifts the the shop, she of course did not even acknowledge recieving them. She did tell me to stop sending them to the shop tho.

I have been trying to employ the 180 (went back to gym, therapy 6X's, and chruch), i feel that i have committed to it at least 85% of the time. At this point i think i need to give her a taste of what it will be like w/o me there.

I am a little lost, dont know how long her fog is going to last or even she will come out of it. Any body have suggestions or any success?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I really do not think it is someone else, also it would be extremely difficult for me to find out so since we are already physically separated.

Also, i do not have access to any of her accounts. Additionally, if there was someone else, she is living a lie infront of everyone, icluding her family, my family, and her friends. I would not want to be the guy who is a secret. Also, typically those types of flings do not last long.
 

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There are guys out there that want exactly that.....being the secret!!!!! No strings attached, kind of thing.

My wife found a few...very few that were like you and did not want a relationship with my wife. but the onse that did wanted only one thing and in turn my wife only wanted one thing and that was sex, affection and attention. A need I wasn't filling.

My wifes affairs were very secret. her second life had nothing to do with her family her "real friends" and of course me. My wifes second life consisted of a completely different group of friends that didn't even know about her first life with close friend and family.

Anyway my point is you are thinking completely wrong in the fact just cuz you wouldn't want to be a secret another guy wouldn't either.


So at the end of the day until you find the other man and start making this affair inconvinent and uncomfortable your wifes current behavior will last as long as she is married.

Once the divorce is done...BAMB "look who I just met" ..."this is mommies new friend" Hell its surprising that your wife is the one that filled (that is rare) so you may be on to some thing here......she may very well be getting pressure from her boyfriend that he no longer want to be "the secret" and if she didn't file the OM would bail. Hence the resaon she filled first and not you.


If you can expose the affair you may have a better chance of getting her out of the fog. Hire a PI if you can afford one. But I get it no one wants to be a stalker....

Just saying someone is influencing the dynamics of the marriage, with 2 young boys, she is being influenced to bail on there father.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
The guy, i see you point. However, i really feel she was unhappy due to my depression over the last year and the typical nagging, complaining, critizing, etc. that come with marriage when one is depressed and anxious.

I feel at this point what is the purpose of exposing IF there was OM in the picture. She is going to have to live w/ that guilt and eventually bring him out into the open. Then everyone would automatically suspect that this was going on for a while. Then what, she is going to raise these little boys w/ some wierdo she meet, that probably wont last.

I really dont think this is the case, she texts me every once in a while, and will mention who she is with and where she is. Not saying she could be lying, but in some cases she even will send a pic of my boys.

I will think about it though, because IF this were the case exposure would make her feel extremely embarassed and stupid.
 

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The guy, i see you point. However, i really feel she was unhappy due to my depression over the last year and the typical nagging, complaining, critizing, etc. that come with marriage when one is depressed and anxious.

I feel at this point what is the purpose of exposing IF there was OM in the picture. She is going to have to live w/ that guilt and eventually bring him out into the open. Then everyone would automatically suspect that this was going on for a while. Then what, she is going to raise these little boys w/ some wierdo she meet, that probably wont last.

I really dont think this is the case, she texts me every once in a while, and will mention who she is with and where she is. Not saying she could be lying, but in some cases she even will send a pic of my boys.

I will think about it though, because IF this were the case exposure would make her feel extremely embarassed and stupid.
If you want her back, the tactics are completely different if posOM is (or is not) in the picture.

You simply have to know what you are up against.



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