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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Everone,

I need advice since no one I know has had this happen.

My common-law partner has been cheating on me with men. He has being doing this off and on since we met (about 3 years). The dating websites he is on are for men looking for men. I read his messages and they are very very dirty and are just for sex hook-ups, not realtionships. He admitted to me that he is bisexual. He also writes to cross dressers and so on.

I am completely in shock and don't know how to deal with this.

We have talked about this and he said he doesn't think he can stop the sex with men. He also has been seeking out women but I only caught him having sex with men. He also said he needs to get this out of his system. Obviously I cannot be with him but this is very hard to deal with.

Has anyone had something like this happen with a bisexual partner. I know the cheating is just about sex but with the nature of the talk (like I said, extremely gross) and wanting to be with transexuals and such is it a sign that he just wants sex in his life. He also talks about how much he wants a threesome (2 men or 1 of each). I find this so hurtful and really hard to cope with.

Any help to understand would be appreciated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes, I suppose you are right. A cheater is a cheater. I just found it to be quite a shock that it was with men.

Myabe it is the fact that I couldn't compete with a man for his sexual desires. I'm not sure.

Thank you for your response.
 

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Whether it's with a male or another woman, it's not a matter of competition. It's just a matter of character and he lacks it. I'm sure it's a shock and it's painful but better to find out now than 20 years from now.
 

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Whether is he is bi or gay is only part of the issue.

The first issue here is that he is cheating and he is doing it in the most high risk manner possible. He's also told you that he has no plans to stop (has to get it out of his system).

Bi men have sex with both men and women.

Gay men can have sex with women. They prefer it with men.

I agree that you are a cover. Being with you has helped him present himself to the world as heterosexual male.

Don't try to figure out if he's bi or gay. You will drive yourself nuts.

You say that you cannot stay with him. Good. Because he's going to keep doing it .

He most likely does did no use protection. Get STD tested ASAP. The types of men who do this have a very very high incidence of STDs. I hope that he has not brought home any STD to you.

What have you done to get away from him?

Find someone close to you who you can confide in. You need support through this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Yes better to find out now that is for sure. He said to me that if I used a toy you know where that maybe he wouldn't have had to cheat.

I have thought of the STD's and will definatley be going to the doctor.

I have had him pick up all of his belongings and he has moved out completely. I don't want to see him again but I still miss him I think? Or I miss what he pretended to be.
 

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Honestly I'd leave him. He was not being honest with your or himself.

I am sure that he cared about you at some point, but if he was willing to see a man when he had you at home, that should be it.

I am sorry you have to go through this. My prayers are with you.
 

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So far the advice has been: Run from him, get away from him, leave fast.

All excellent ideas. This man is an absolute train wreck for you. At least you are not married.
 

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And the fact that he is disrespecting you by putting you at risk of STDs/HIV?

Oh, and my advice would be
RUN AWAY FROM HIM! RUN FAST! RUN FAR!

I knew someone in such a relationship. Eventually the POS left her for another man.:(
 

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Yes better to find out now that is for sure. He said to me that if I used a toy you know where that maybe he wouldn't have had to cheat.

I have thought of the STD's and will definatley be going to the doctor.

I have had him pick up all of his belongings and he has moved out completely. I don't want to see him again but I still miss him I think? Or I miss what he pretended to be.
If you had used a toy with him, he might not have done this? What a load of nonsense. I really hope you do not buy into that.

The response to him on this is that if he loved you and was a man of character he would not have cheated on you and would not have lied to you about his sexual orientation.

Did he tell you before moving in with you that he was bi or gay? Was there any honesty at all?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
No he didn't tell me. I guess there proabably no honesty with him at all.

I thought that maybe because I didn't use a toy it might have been my fault but I realize it was just him trying to make himself feel better about cheating or making it ok in his mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I like what you said MattMatt, RUN AWAY!

Sorry to hear it happened to your friend. I hope she has recovered and is doing good now.
 

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Dump him. being bi-sexual means you are excite by both sex's - it doesn't men you get a pass to cheat. And that exactly what he's done.

don't accept him betraying you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thank you all for your responses. I know I can't accept any of this and will not be involved with him any longer. Being cheated on like this is not acceptable and he doesn't deserve my love.
 
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