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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I asked my bf of 1 year how motivated he is to get a job and move somewhere with me, in say a year from now. He said 6 or 7 out of 10.

The three girls I've confided in have agreed this isn't great. I'm not sure if it's worth hanging around, to be honest my head's in a whirl thinking what's best to do. We know each other deeply and think the same way about things... only I didn't know his motivation for moving forward with life was quite so, hmm.

What do you think I should do? Can people who are ambitious/motivated about life be with less motivated people who don't know what they want to do?

To make things worse, this has made me feel less connected to him mentally, and I'm accidentally doing some 180 things, thus he is actually sounding clingy now... help me, please :(
 

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So we're clear, does he have a job now and has mixed feelings about relocating, or is he unemployed and has mixed feelings about getting a job at all?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He works for his parents business, and they pretty much don't pay him anything. He doesn't pay them rent, buy his own food, etc. He just 'works'. He has never had a job for someone else, and he's scared to get one. He knows he's had it easy. I told him in the nicest way possible that if he doesn't get a job by June I won't be hanging around. Do you think that's ok/long enough/short enough time?
 

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So how does he manage to take you out? How does he buy the things that he needs? How old is he?

I think it is perfectly fine for you to say that you are not investing anymore time in a relationship with someone that is not going anywhere....that you are NOT going to support a husband. And....I think June is too much time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
His parents give him spending money, which he uses on dates and refuses to let me pay for anything. He doesn't want material things very much. 22.

I'm glad you said that, I can stop feeling like a bit*h now. Be honest, how much time would you give?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Anybody? How long before you would move on? I love him, I have to be sure :(
 

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In this economy 6 months might be realistic, imo. He is very young and probably nervous about getting up away from his parents and the safety net. Maybe that is why the 6-7/10 rating - not because of how he feels for you.
 

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I don't think there's anything wrong with you stating your boundaries on this issue, and wanting a guy with a little more ambition, and I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position.

As far as timeframes, I don't know. I don't think June is out of line, but shorter may be reasonable.

It's hard for me to relate to your bf. I've never NOT had a job since I was 16.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I think I'm going to stick with June for now. He tells me every time he applies for a job, so if he doesn't step up his effort (and tell me), I will choose an earlier month. Thank you all for your advice, of course anyone else feel free to add their cents :)
 

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Don't cut yourself short. A life partner should be able to support themselves or they are considered dependents. You don't want a dependent do you? That's why your losing attraction to him. You don't see him as an confident independent man. He may grow up to be one someday, but as of now he's not that man.

I'd base the decision on whether he has plans to make something of himself or not. If he's not in school he should have a paying job.
 

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If he's not in school he should have a paying job.

This is exactly right! Parents these days who do this just amaze me. Particularly when they wonder why their son/daughter never leave or learn to be responsible. They're doing him a great disservice by giving him everything! It does NOT prepare them for real life. He should be on their payroll and paying rent/buying his own groceries. Nothing's handed to you for simply clocking in.


June is fine....but if he doesn't get it; I'd definitely stick to your guns. You don't need to marry/raise a child; you need to marry a partner!
 

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KeepSmiling,
you know after thinking more about this.....I would like to encourage you to invest some time thinking about a few other things. It sounds like you are ambitious and have some hopes and dreams for your life and future. I wish you would spend some time thinking aobut those...clarifying them for yourself. Thinking about where you want to go in life, what you hope to achieve...what you want in a husband, what sort of guy do you want to be with in 25 years?

I am saying this because it is entirely possible that you are currently dating a nice guy, a good friend, a guy that you enjoy..... BUT he does not have the same life goals, not the same ambitions that you do. If that is the case....maybe it is best to leave him to live off of his parents, count him a nice guy and friend.... but just not marriage material for what you desire.
 
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