Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi. I just need everyones opinion on something. At my husband's birthday party we all had a few drinks. At one point the subject about screwing other people came up and my best friend blurted out to my husband... "Well what if I want you to?" (meaning screw her).... I was shocked... my jaw hit the floor... and then she said "just kidding". He said "good because I don't exactly find you attractive". LOL
However, I have been very uncomfortable since this happened. I havent hung out with her or texted her much. We were having his birthday dinner a day later and she was invited but she couldn't come and told me to "give him a big kiss for me". Again I was a bit shocked she would say this. They are friends...they do text sometimes and it's not unusual for my husband to have female friends. But she gets all weird lately and she will "touch" him when she's talking to him and sometimes you can just "feel" the sexual tension there. Her relationship with her husband is not good either so this gives me more reason for concern. so... i guess what I need to know is.
1. Do you think she was "just kidding"?
2. How do I approach her on this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,408 Posts
1. There is always something behind something said. Doesn't mean she would, but I would keep my eye on here.

2. No I wouldn't, could of been drinking and a situation. I would just keep your husband close and have him show affection around her, kind of "hands off". :)

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,204 Posts
Nah, she aint kidding. I guess a woman is best able to tell you how you might approach her. I'd think your first stop would be your husband and tell him to quit encouraging her and to knock off the texting with her. I'd make it clear to him that you don't want the two of them to be anywhere alone. If one of my buddies was at my house and announced that he wanted to bang my wife, I'd toss him through the closest window. There may be a solution that wouldn't involve police and emergency rooms.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,433 Posts
1. Do you think she was "just kidding"?
NO. And go with your gut is telling you to suspect, because this is not a "just kidding" matter.

2. How do I approach her on this?
You go over to her house or invite her over to your house to have the talk. Face-to-face, and make it crystal clear to her: you don't care for her inappropriately touching your husband or her sexual innuendos. You don't need "friends" like this in your life. Period.

You said your husband shot back at her that he didn't find her attractive. However, have you witnessed him doing anything inappropriate with her; touching, hugging, whispering, etc.? You also mentioned he texts her sometimes. Do you see the texts? Is he completely honest and transparent in letting you know what is said by both parties?

You feel the sexual tension. It takes two to tango. Just because hubs said he didn't find her attractive in a group, doesn't mean he's saying the same thing to her in private via texts. Any reason to suspect this is more than one-sided?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
I'm with Prodigal. That's a HUGE violation in my opinion! And your husband's response was flirty right back. He wasn't saying he isn't attracted to her... he was being "cleverly sarcastic" so he could deny saying anything wrong.

As far as approaching her, I would say, "You've crossed a line and I think it's time for our friendship to end." I'd also inform my husband that I don't stay friends with people who are disrespectful of me, and that as my spouse, I expect him to have my back or I'll be willing to end THAT relationship too.

Honestly, I wouldn't care if it did come off as an ultimatum. It's MY friendship to keep or let go. His friendship with her is a much lower priority than his marriage to me or it'd be time to find someone who understood how to be half of a marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
97 Posts
Behind every just kidding there is a certain amount of truth, she was testing the waters.
I find nothing wrong with your husbands response, if I were her his response would have embarrassed me & put me in my place, unless she knows he didn't mean it & his response was simply for your benefit as a cover.

Has your husband given you any reason in the past to have lack of trust in him?
If so I'd be very weary.

What's his body language when she's touchy feely towards him, does he enjoy her attention of is he stand offish?
If he's not enjoying it, the sexual tension is one sided coming from her direction.

None the less I'd be kicking her to the curb, she's trouble, flirting with your besties husband is inexcusable behaviour.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,214 Posts
1. Do you think she was "just kidding"?
2. How do I approach her on this?
1] NO. She is not kidding, and she is a conniving, deceitful b**ch and actively trying to SEDUCE YOUR HUSBAND.
She is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FRIEND.
SHE IS TOXIC, get rid of her!


2]Tell her outright that her " outburst" and " overtures" are disrespectful and you do NOT want her around your husband or family again, EVER.

Time to mark your territory and protect your family.

I had an experience like that once when my wife and I were at a party. Her " friend " probably had too much to drink. They [ Ladies ] were talking about pregnancy and babies etc when she told me in front of my wife that she wouldn't mind having my baby.
I NEVER spoke to her again, because I thought it was disrespectful to my wife.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
467 Posts
Nothing like alcohol to get the truth out of people.

What's the saying "With friends like that, who needs enemies?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
579 Posts
Nobody makes comments like that without some meaning behind them. She wants him. Even if HE doesn't see it, she wants him. She is actively trying to seduce him. What a bad friend.

"Best Friend" and "Husband" scenarios are very common in real life.. Art imitates reality, which is why there's so many tv shows and movies with plots like this. Hell, you can find a bunch of them on here.

You don't approach her on it at all. She deserves the same amount of respect she showed you. None. Cut her out of your life and find some friends who DON'T want to screw your husband.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,204 Posts
"good because I don't exactly find you attractive". Notice the qualifier, "exactly". He finds her attractive enough. I wouldn't make a huge deal of it. When I've been drinking, I find most women attractive enough.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,546 Posts
No she wasn't kidding.

Put distance between you, only see her alone and no more texting between them or communication that isn't directly in front of you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Adults NEVER joke about sex, unless its just guys or just women.

When its going from one gender to another it is NOT A JOKE, its an implication. She basically just broascast to your husband that shes willing and available.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,757 Posts
She has a crush. She isn't kidding. Most times when someone says "just kidding" they aren't. If you can't tell it's a joke it probably isn't. You need to make sure your husband steers clear of her. Make sure she sees your husband showing YOU lots of affection. If it gets worse tell her, kidding or not back off!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,014 Posts
I have been on the other side of this years ago. My wife's bff approached me (she was single at the time). The 3 of us were in bff's apartment, and I think bff's roommate may have been there. We had been partying, drinking, playing cards, etc. Wife went to bed drunk and fell asleep. Bff excused herself, and came back wearing nothing but a bath robe. She sat on the kitchen counter and called me in.

I did not take advantage of it and neither one of us has ever spoken a word of it to anybody until this post. Bff has been happily married 30 years. No indication of any infidelities in her marriage at all.

The fact that your bff is having marriage problems is likely driving her interest in your husband. If you otherwise trust him completely, I think you can look at this as a blip which can be overcome with your friend. But your husband should be told how you feel. I see it as she is a threat to the marriage and your husband must agree to the strongest of boundaries. I think you should approach your friend with a strong but caring message that you (and your husband) see her statement of interest as flattering to him but inappropriate and unwelcome. You support her in any efforts to fix her marriage, but will not put up with any further advances towards your husband.

Friends make mistakes and can remain friends. Open and clear communications with her regarding boundaries around your marriage can nip this. If your husband is fully and openly on board with you, and if bff backs off, I think you're ok to not nuke her. But any wavering from your husband or any further fishing by her means nuking the friendship.

Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and so I see your friend's admission being accurate in her attraction to your hubby, but not necessarily reflecting her own boundaries. Would she really have an affair? Maybe not.

What does your gut tell you about her and your husband? Trust it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
203 Posts
Alcohol doesn't have to be a factor in this situation so leave it out.

It was Shakespere who said:

"The truest words are those said in jest."

"Just sayin'."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,378 Posts
As others have commented, there is always something behind a comment, even if it is given as a joke.

As for how your husband responded, some didn't like it, but being a guy, I know how situations can arise, it's awkward, you have to respond quickly, and you want to respond correctly, and something just comes out. Later, I sometimes think, "I wish I had responded with something else." I don't know the tone in which he said it, and I don't know your husband. When I first read it i thought, "Oh, I'll bet that shut her up," but others didn't read it that way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: DayDream

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Personally I wouldn't even be discussing it with your friend, I would just cool the relationship completely. If she brings it up, then you can tell her you thought she was totally out of line (drunk or not)

I don't see anything wrong with your husbands reply, he was probably taken off guard too, so that was a pretty good come back. I would be very embarrassed if I had said that to a guy and he had reacted the same as your husband.

I would ask your husband not to text her/reply to texts from her as it may give her the wrong idea and I think you both need to have a united front when dealing with her.

I wouldn't fight over what your husband said (unless there is a lot more to the story of course) because you are playing into her hands even more.

Good luck
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top