I am a middle age woman who has been married for about 25 years, to I have a grown son and daughter who are now out of my home. My marriage has not been a healthy one from the start. My husband is the type of man who will not deal with any issue that he finds uncomfortable or difficult until it reaches the point of a major blow up. I on the other hand have never been able to let things go, which has meant we have fought over things like money, spending, paying bills on time, and how much money is really in our joint checking account all of the years we have been together. He has been in charge of the bills and keeping up with the checking and his retirement he has always taken care of the income tax all of these things. I have been the one on the side lines. I have done my share of spending though not ever, in large sums at one time. I have not known what our income tax returns were until the last two years at least not until the checks came if we got a check and I happen to see it before him. Seven, eight years ago we reached the point of bankruptcy, how did I find out when the phone calls from bill collectors started coming in. When I made him go with me to CCC to see just where we stood.
By this time in our life our son had reached high school and was picking up his dad's way of talking to me screaming and calling me every name in the book *****, ****, *****, and he was becoming very aggressive he would push me and tell me he was going to kill me. He would knock holes in the walls of our home. Some of the things he had seen his dad do and all of the things he had heard his dad say, only my son was clearly going to be much more agressive. He began to get in trouble at school and with minor things with the law, his friends were all into drugs so was he, when he reached age 18 and quit school I made him leave my house.
I have begun seeing a male therapist about a year before we had to declare bankruptcy, so we have been together for going on eight years now. He is a Christian therapist and is about 7 years my jr. and is also middle age. He too has been married for about 25 year he married at a younger age than I. His only child will always be with him she will never be able to live on her own because of illness, she is now 17 years old. His marriage he said was one of those things that happens, and you know as soon as it is done (you should not have done that). However, he is a man who does not take these things lightly and he would not give up without a strong fight nor would I as I think can be seen by this 25 plus year battle.
Our meeting was not something I ever planned it was set up by my pastor who felt I needed counseling and who knew my therapist. That is how it all began how we met and how we came to know each other. I did not foresee that I would go to more than two or three sessions just to get my pastor off my case and then it would all be over. Here I am over seven years later with a close relationship with this man, who has been all that has held me together through many difficult times in the last few years. My marriage is now a marriage on paper only, I live with no sex at all in my marriage, and with my husband as I would with any room mate. We no longer even fight it has long since past thant stage. We watch TV we talk about the election, we talk about our first grandchild, we eat dinner together and we speak now and then of divorce as if we are talking about where we might go out to eat that night. It is an insane world I never thought I would live in. He and I are both Christians he was married once before we met, for less than a year to a woman I never met there were no children by that marriage. The no sex thing began with him two years ago, when he suddenly just stopped wanting sex and for six months did not want sex, and could not give me a reason. His doctor said he was fine, he took meds for depression and he was fine, still he did not change. Then one night he forced himself on me raped me, and that changed everything for me, since then I have not allowed him to touch me more than two times in an effort to see if I could work past the thing that had happen I can not.
In the time I have known my therapist we have became close no sex. We talk about each others lives. We talk on the phone he says I have been able to relate to him in some areas of his life in ways that no one else has been able to. He admits he cares for me and that we share an emotional attachment. At no time have we ever left the office to meet. He has had times in the last year when things were so bad at his office (he is CEO and so bad at home) that he was two steps from walking away from it all. I was torn because I did not know what he was going to do or what it might mean for me.
He has told me over the years that he has lost more sleep over me than he has over all of the other things in his life, which I find strange. He is running a therapy office, has a sick child, a marriage that has never been great, the office is a non profit which means money is not pouring in, and yet I am his main reason for loss of sleep, and he says he has not lost sleep over clients before? Yet he digs in his heels when "I try to reason with him, when I try to make him look at what "he" is really saying to me.