I have been going out with him for 5 years and we got married for 2.5 years now. He wasn't very sexually active with me the entire time. I have asked my friends before but they just said that maybe he is not a horny individual.
To be fair, I fell in love with him that way too. I have huge boobs (for an asian) and I always get unwanted attention from boys. I used to feel kinda sad that men only like me sexually and their eyes often drift when they talk to me. But when i got to know my husband 7.5 years ago, I found that he was a sincere person who is interested in me - like me inside but not the way I look. He loved me ardently, and he asked me to marry him.
All was perfect until a few months back, i found that whatever i do, I irritate him. He started being impatient with me, he rejects my sexual advances, he doesn't even want to be near me. When I touch him in a non-sexual way, he would just push me away citing that it is hot, he wipes away my kisses saying he doesnt like saliva, when i lean on him, he says my head is too heavy etc. & I think the thing that upsets me most is his attitude. He is just so impatient at me and irritated when I didnt even do anything to deserve that. He used to be a nice and patient man.
I tried to find out why. He doesnt talk much, so I went shooting alot of questions. & one of the questions i asked was "Are you sexually frustrated?" & he replied "yes". I was broke. & I went on to ask why? I am curious becuase I always make myself available to him but he never really wanted to have sex with me.
Throughout the entire time, I had gone on to internet to learn how to give perfect blowjobs and how to satisfy my husband in bed. More often than not, my attempts didnt go on too well. I feel neglected too. He would just cum and walk away to wash and go to bed without even satisfying my sexual needs. Sometimes, when he wants to have sex, he wouldnt even get me ready before he enters me. Sometimes, when I feel like haing sex, he would reject me by falling asleep when i was trying to get him aroused. I feel unwanted and hurt. He never calls me beautiful, he never look at me.
& NOW he tells me that it is because he NEVER found me sexually attractive. He DOES NOT LIKE BOOBS OR MY SHAPE. HE LIKES PETITE GIRLS. I am nothing petite. I have big boobs, small waist, big hips, big thighs, big hands, I bascially have a big frame. (He is small btw)
He says it is hard for him to get turned on by me, it is hard for him to have sex with me because I am not his ideal type. He says he is increasingly sad about his life, seeing that it is a hole in his life. He can never get the sex he wanted.
I am so hurt. Why then did you ask me to marry you? I asked. He replied because he finds my inner me a wonderful person who made him a better person too, and that he loves me so very much. I just wonder why can't he love me now too? Why can't he love all of me too? Why did he ask me to marry me and push me away now? Why?
I have been crying everyday for the past 2 weeks and I really need help now. Please help me! What should I do? I can never be petite. If we stay in this marriage, both of us will be sexually frustrated and I will be emotionally hurt that I am not beautiful to him. If we get separated, I will still be sad because I love him so so much. Either way, I will be sad anyway. & I am also sad now because he is no longer certain about me, he is actually reconsidering about us.
- Sounds like you have a high healthy sex drive HD and your hubby has a low not to physical sex drive LD.
- It's called sexual mismatch.
- Take the 5 love languages quiz and compare results afterwards. In my case, I am physical rating 12 and quality time and I'm HD. My wifee, Mrs.CuddleBug is Acts of Service rating 12 and quality time and she's LD.
Profiles Archive - The 5 Love Languages®
- See, what your hubby says about loving you for you and not your body is similar to what Mrs.CuddleBug says.
- You need a man that is a man, physical, sexual and wants you for you and your body.
- If he's complaining you are a bigger girl, you should be complaining saying he needs to gain muscle mass and be a man.