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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Is it too much to expect that your friends delete your ex off FB and break off contact?? I didn't think it was, but I'm wrong. He still has all his friends. Absolutely zero consequences for him.

I am so pissed off! I thought my so-called friends would stand up for me but apparently not. Feel so let down.
 

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Depends on the friends. If they were mutual friends, asking them to choose would be selfish. Just because your WH made a bad husband doesn't automatically make him a bad friend.

You have also talked about in other threads that you are open to R, but he is not. They might also be trying to keep from burning bridges just in case you do wind up R in the future.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes youre right. I'm being selfish. I always said I'd never make anyone choose or manipulate anyone to do so. Thanks for that! I also realise focussing on this is taking away from my healing. You're good Acoa! You should be hiring yourself out!
 

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Chopsy,

You are not being selfish. You know right from wrong. Your friends only have heresay between you too probably. Most 'friends' are not really friends. They may be FB friends, but that means usually they are cowards.

I'm 43. I have been friends with my best friend for 38 years. I have a few close friends, maybe 6. They are what I call friends. The others that I call friends are more buddies and acquaintances.

'Those friends thou hast and their adoption tried, gather them to thy soul with hoops of steel...'

You always have to remember a couple of things...

1. Your relationship with your husband is unique from everyone else's relationship with him. They do not see him as you do and will treat him differently. I am an odd case. I was always a stand up guy for right and wrong. If someone did wrong to someone else, I spoke the truth. The people that I helped including a couple of neighbors did not help me in fact that hurt me pretty deeply because they were friends with my EX. You only have close friends in this world... Any other friend is more of a buddy... Don't expect people to see things the way you do. It will never happen. It may be close but your experiences are unique to you.

2. You cannot change anyone. Change has to come from within and has to be a desire. Don't try to force it on anyone. You will be wasting precious time on that.

Take care and best of luck to you.
 

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My husband is doing a fine job of helping our mutual friends choose which person has the more admirable character. I don't really have to tell them anything.
 

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Is it too much to expect that your friends delete your ex off FB and break off contact?? I didn't think it was, but I'm wrong. He still has all his friends. Absolutely zero consequences for him.

I am so pissed off! I thought my so-called friends would stand up for me but apparently not. Feel so let down.
So is this how we now rate consequences? This is the important thing? Facebook CONTACTS ("Friends" is a bullsh1t thing FB convinces everyone they have).

T
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
My Facebook friends are real friends who either live in Canada (where I am from) or those who no longer live near me. I realise I cannot make anyone choose, and don't really want to. Tony, it may be laughable to you, but I live in a rural area and have no other friends. My H has had no consequences. None. I'm hurt you think my life is such a joke.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Chopsy,

You are not being selfish. You know right from wrong. Your friends only have heresay between you too probably. Most 'friends' are not really friends. They may be FB friends, but that means usually they are cowards.

I'm 43. I have been friends with my best friend for 38 years. I have a few close friends, maybe 6. They are what I call friends. The others that I call friends are more buddies and acquaintances.

'Those friends thou hast and their adoption tried, gather them to thy soul with hoops of steel...'

You always have to remember a couple of things...

1. Your relationship with your husband is unique from everyone else's relationship with him. They do not see him as you do and will treat him differently. I am an odd case. I was always a stand up guy for right and wrong. If someone did wrong to someone else, I spoke the truth. The people that I helped including a couple of neighbors did not help me in fact that hurt me pretty deeply because they were friends with my EX. You only have close friends in this world... Any other friend is more of a buddy... Don't expect people to see things the way you do. It will never happen. It may be close but your experiences are unique to you.

2. You cannot change anyone. Change has to come from within and has to be a desire. Don't try to force it on anyone. You will be wasting precious time on that.

Take care and best of luck to you.
Thanks for your thoughtful post. I love the Hamlet quote. Very apt. Unfortunately I have no friends near me, and am not so lucky as you to have a friend for 38 years. That speaks more about you I think than you know. I've moved a lot, including from Canada to the UK. It hasn't been easy to make friends, and the few I have no longer live near me and we stay in touch via Facebook.

I realise now I cannot force anyone to do anything nor do I want to. I just had a weak moment. It's not who I am. I too always backed my friends in situations like mine. I am loyal like that. But I must let everyone make their own choices. And although my husband cheated on me, I believe he is a good friend.

Thams for helping me remember who I am.
 

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If I had a nickel for every time I did something stupid during my divorce... :) I do stupid stuff every day. I talk to my good friends daily. I live in Maryland and my friends live in Pennsylvania or Tennessee. I only have 2 friends within 50 miles and I don't see them much.

It is never about quantity. It is about quality. I have to agree with Tony at FB. If you want quality friends, pick up the phone or just go visit in person. 'Interested is Interesting'. Be a good listener. My friends are like me. We speak the truth. We never BS. We don't try to win people over. I don't have many friends because I don't try to be a socialite and make every one happy. I am very comfortable with who I am and if people don't like me that is fine. I like the fact the I am an honest stand up guy and I won't change that for anyone.

I fail every day. I failed today with my fiance... She knows I still have trust issues. She lets me know it's ok. I love her but I still have issues with what happened to me. She knows me now and my quirks because I have been so honest with her. She accepts me. She knows I will get better. I accept her. We all have flaws, we just focus on the positive and try to help with the small stuff.
 
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