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Discussion Starter #1
Over the weekend, my husband told me I was boring. It was hurtful. We have been married for 7 years, 2 children, both working full time jobs outside of the home. We have little babysitting assistance. Our children are involved in school activities. After we eat dinner, I help the kids with homework, bathe them, get snack, and get them in the bed, I try 2 do a load of laundry or so, pick up shoes, etc. My husband says he is tired of waiting on me to make love late @ night. I have to wait until our kids are asleep. The baby usually gets up a couple of times before she falls asleep. I am doing the best I can. What can I do?
 

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It's not that I don't want to switch things up a little every once in a while but we have to be quiet because of the kids. When he wants to be intimate, and the kids take longer to go to sleep he begins to yell at them and then I feel terrible.
 

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From a guys perspective, what can I do to spice things up so it doesn't seem like the same ol' thing all the time?
 

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Hi lora ~

I hope you realize that your husband bears some amount of responsibility in this as well - him not being willing to engage in foreplay with you, yelling at the kids, not helping out in the household, and telling you that you are boring - well, none of those things will likely do much to endear you to want to have sex with him. I hope that you will be honest with him about those things, and that he will try and meet you in the middle.

Normally, I would suggest that a wife try and give her husband appreciation - verbally telling him that she appreciates what he does and what he is - and that she try to enthusiastically meet his sexual needs. But, that is all predicated upon having a man who is truly worthy of those things. If he is not, then HE will need to do some work to get to the point where his wife can genuinely meet those needs.

Is HE as willing to work on this as YOU are?

Best wishes.
 

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I'm in a sexless marriage so I can identify if your husband feels frustrated, but I have no sympathy for him if he is not helping you to make it happen ....beyond yelling the kids.

If he is actually helping and that is not the issue, based on the limited info you have provided, all I can suggest is that most men like variety and spontaneity. It doesn't have involve an elaborate investment of time or energy.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
He says that he will help if I ask him to. So when I do ask, its like he messes things up on purpose so I won't ask him to do it. Really, the only thing that I have asked him to do is make the bed and put his dishes in the dishwasher which has rarely ever done. When night time comes and its all piled up, I do it and he never remarks. He is totally in to his television shows and when he comes home, he gets swallowed by the couch. When I try to talk (and yes, I have to talk while the televisions on) he tries to tell me to wait or says, "I'm trying to watch this, can it wait?" I just get so many mixed signals. Its a lot to digest.
 

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If it's really about the chores and the baby stayng up late then he needs to participate in the chores and getting the kids to bed earlier.
 

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It sounds like he`s pretty uninvolved in life in general.

Has he always been this way?
 

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Lake,

Your husband is a dolt. Quit being a mouse and tell that lazy SOB to man up, help out (legitimately) and you will rock his world otherwise the SOP will remain the same. Plain and simple.
 

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I'm surprised you are willing to try. I mean that in a good way. Most wives would be totally non sexual toward their husbands based on the information you describe. To improve the quality of your daily life, I suggest that you quit your job and take care of the kids, so that your home life is not a constant stress out.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Hicks,
We bought our first home recently so I am unable to. Before that (when our baby was born) I mentioned that and he totally didn't go for it. He isn't much for women staying home. You have no idea how much easier my life would be if I could. I wouldn't have near as many problems in life as I do now simply based on the whole child care issue. Sometimes I just want to run away but other times I feel like I'd just be throwing in the towel.
 

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What do you think that he means when he says that I'm boring? What could I do to peak his interest? Guys should be able to answer this one easily.
 

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What do you think that he means when he says that I'm boring? What could I do to peak his interest? Guys should be able to answer this one easily.
No we shouldn't be able to answer this easily because we are not actually all the same.

It seems that what is making you "boring" might be a lack of interest in sex brought on by stress and exhaustion. That clearly needs to be addressed directly regardless of what is going on in your sex life.

As I mentioned, a desire most men have that women don't always share is a craving for variety and spontaneity. It seems more common for women to be okay with familiar sex when all the conditions are exactly right. Most men would like to be surprised by something and or at an unexpected time. As I said, in your situation, I would start with something limited rather then elaborate.

But just like setting up that new High Def TV or constructing "assembly required" furniture, once you have tried absolutely everything else and it has failed, you can look at the instruction manual. In relationship terms, that means asking your spouse directly.:)
 

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I'd like too hear his side of the story.

the truth lie in the middle somewhere.
 

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What do you think that he means when he says that I'm boring? What could I do to peak his interest? Guys should be able to answer this one easily.
Basically it means the guys a slob which is further born out by the way you describe his behavior.

When I hear stories like yours I often think I’d like to take the guy to one side for a bit and tell him what is what in married life, most especially when young children are involved.

He really does need to pull his socks up and up his act. But that’s not going to happen while you are behaving like you do.



Create a list of everything that needs doing in the home. Every single thing. Put a tick against the things you do and give him a list of the things you want him to do every day of the week. If it’s different things each day, then list them as Sunday, Monday, Tuesday etc.


Then he will know what is expected of him. From your tone I reckon you’ll still be doing more than him but the thing is to get him started.

This way you are giving him the opportunity to step up to the plate. If he doesn’t take it then you’ll know you have an exceptionally selfish husband.
 
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